At first glance this idea, to identity 10 things you wish you had never learned, may seem like negative or backwards thinking. Personal growth and self-awareness should only focus on the positive – right? However, you must first acknowledge what you want to change or heal before real growth can occur. We have all learned from the negative thoughts and experiences which have contributed to defining who we are today.
At times, we have learned to what amounts to be garbage about ourselves, our loved ones and about our role, identity and place in this world. There is no filter that has been built around us to sift through the trash we sometimes absorb.
Therefore, it is important to be your own filter. It is important to see what is working for you in your life right now and to keep doing more of that. It is also important to recognize what is not working for you and do your best to rid yourself of this garbage.
What we think to be true; what we think we know; what we have learned can be counterproductive to our personal growth, success and happiness. Especially if what we have learned is keeping us from having the intimate relationships and personal satisfaction we deserve.
It has taken me my whole life to figure out what I wish I had never learned. I’m sure I will be adding to this list for many more years to come.
1. I wish I had never learned that I’m not worthy to have what I want.
2. I wish I had never learned that it’s waste of time to be spiritual and to worship.
3. I wish I had never learned how to be smoke and mirrors.
4. I wish I had never learned that I could change my situation by being perfect.
5. I wish I had never learned that wearing eyeglasses is a sign of weakness.
6. I wish I had never learned that I my value was determined by others.
7. I wish I had never learned that being confident and secure was only a myth.
8. I wish I had never learned that sex equals intimacy.
9. I wish I had never learned that speaking up for my needs was a waste of time.
10. I wish I had never learned that I wasn’t enough.
Please consider sharing items from your list in Comments. We can all learn the things we wish we had never learned from each other.
Read more articles from Alex Blackwell at The BridgeMaker.com.
Okay, you broke my heart with number 10 and tears came to my eyes.
My list:
I wish I never learned it wasn't all magical.
I wish I never learned the word goodbye.
I wish I never learned that love was conditional.
Nina
Alot to think about thanks so much.
I'll add
I wish I never leared a family name means more than a daughter's first child.
I wish I never learned that being poor = being less than.
I wish I had never learned that I am better than someone else. I wish I had never learned that someone else is better than me.
Alex,
What a wonderful tool for helping others see more clearly the "old" beliefs that might still be coloring "new" beliefs about ourselves. Numbers one and ten on your list, are also on my list… again we can see how we all are connected by something as simple as shared "old" beliefs.
In the interest of participating, here are a couple from my list:
I wish that I had never learned that, when given a choice or opportunity, others will always choose abandonment as the solution.
I wish I had never learned that "perfection" was the only pinnacle to reach for.
I wish I had never learned that what I thought, needed and felt didn't matter, all that mattered was how I made others think and feel and what their needs were.
I wish I had never learned that Religion trumped Spirituality.
I wish I had never learned that smoking would turn Pollyanna into Mata Hari.
My best to you and to everyone who is also participating in this effort to be aware. We have the power to change what we are aware needs changing.!
Namaste,
Juli
What a great idea to list our negative messages as what we wished we had never learned. I like that header. Part of my life work is helping people let go of that which they learnd that no longer serves them in living a life that allows them to be truly authentic. With your permission, I'd like to add your particular slant to the list I already ask them to make.
As I participate, I add: "I wish I had never learned that it is better to just be silent rather than rock the boat, because someone else's feelings might get hurt"
"I wish I had never learned that if someone didn't 'mean to hurt you', I wasn't supposed to be upset or bothered by their comments".
"I wish I had never learned that being a good daughter was more important that a good wife and mother"
Many thanks, and my the holidays find us all living and fulfilling our new beliefs so that what we have learned is overshadowed by that which we consciously choose to learn today! All the best, Loren
I love these 10 things. Thanks for sharing. I'm always curious and astounded in the way that each of us brings forth our knowledge. So great to be unique and share what we have learned in our life so to serve others.
Thank you.
Gina
Hi Alex – I think of a wonderful mature person with whom I've been loving and teaching now for over a year. At 65 years she has finally learned and admitted to her "10 things – or so" even as she continually works to "let go" of the voices that taught her in those precious, early years. A child of agriculture, a child whose parents endured the Depression; allowing herself the simplest of pleasures – doting on a grand daughter, thinking about retiring, taking a trip simply for fun – all represent her well-intended parents' voices which ring out – "that's " frivolous"
"unnecesary" "selfish". Seeing growth, change and renewed energy through all of life's stages is wonderful to experience.
Blessings
Greg
What an amazing article.
I wish I never learned that being cool was more important than the prom.
I wish I never learned that life should be perfect.
I wish I never learned that happiness is triggered by getting what you want.
I wish I never I never learned that there will plenty of time to do things tomorrow.
Thanks so much, Alex-what an empowering article! I'm gonna say the things I wish I learned-at least earlier-and that I hope to teach my children-and other kiddos. May we all share the things we did not learn with our kids-and not teach them what we wish we had not learned!
1) I wish I learned that 'nothing would be 'too' much for me.
2) I wish I learned that I am perfect just the way I am.
3) I wish I learned that love is abundant and not contingent on anything.
4) I wish I learned that I am a creative, whole being with endless potential.
5) I wish I learned to play more.
6)I wish I learned how sacred this life is.
I am glad I have learned these things, for the most part. My wish is that children are taught this from the beginning and feel loved and at peace with their place in this world.
Hi!
This is my first entry on this blog and it feels great to be part of this community. My list:
I wish that I had never learnt that its important to be right everytime
I wish I had never learnt to be scared of making mistakes
I wish that I had never learnt that compassion is a sign of weakness
I wish I had never learnt to judge everything
I wish I had never learnt that its important to let your head rule over your heart
Great Post!
I wish I had never learned that to be an artist means to starve and suffer mental instability.
I wish I had never learned that it's bad to be "too" smart.
I wish I had never learned that you can't fight city hall.
Thanks