Monthly Archives: May 2008

On Creating Love

Focus on pleasure. Take a break, ten minutes, an hour, and do something that truly gives you pleasure. Make pleasure a habit. If you are experiencing pleasure you are sending an intuitive message out into the work that you have pleasure to share. People will hear it, respond to it, and be drawn to the healthiest part of you.

Let me define pleasure: Pleasure is not just play. Pleasure can be the good feeling that you get from working hard for something you believe in. Caring for someone who is ailing can bring you pleasure. A funny book that makes you laugh brings pleasure. Anything that has positive meaning for you is a source of pleasure. Of course pleasure is also all that is experienced as nourishing by our five senses.

Pain and pleasure is our human way of knowing when something is good for us or when something is dangerous for us. Experiencing pleasure and focusing on experiencing pleasure protects you. When you focus on pleasure, all that is not pleasurable becomes immediately apparent to you.

Maybe you hadn

On Romantic Destiny

Your romantic life can change in a moment. One insight, one meeting, one subtle shift can change your life completely. If you focus on your heart and how to share it with others, the obstacles to that sharing will naturally come up for resolution. Things that you have hidden from yourself for years will become clear.Once you can see something you can change it.

The metaphor I like to use is the nighttime monster in the closet of a small child. That monster was hidden in the murky shadows terrorizing every bedtime moment until one day the child had the courage and the insight to really look. The monster was the shadow from the streetlight or the winter coat or the molding on the door. Once the child could see and reason, the monster became what it really was, a projection.

When we focus on love we project love.When we embody love all that is other than love is exposed to the light, where we see that our deepest darkest secrets aren

On the Importance of Rituals

I cannot stress enough how important rituals of passage are, especially at times of endings and beginnings. Rituals help organize your unconscious self with your conscious and intuitive self to create new patterns and let go of old ones. If you make some inner room your intuition will guide you to new ways of being. Rituals work best if they are witnessed and supported by compassionate friends. If you have experiences to let go of or grieving to do, have an ending ceremony (polite word for funeral) for what you have lost. In my circle workshop, we always end with a funeral and a wedding. In the funeral, with the support and healing of the group, we let go of what is making us stuck. Then each of us declares, in front of one another, what we are now creating in our life, and together we celebrate this new reality. We share tears of grief and tears of joy in one glass. This is so often how life is.

On How Telepathy Can Help your Love Life

Telepathy is often experienced consciously by people as little coincidences of perception, such as when you know who is on the other end of the phone before you pick it up (without caller ID) or when you know a loved one at a distance is in trouble. You can send messages by telepathy and even have complete conversations with another from a distance. Telepathic dialogue can have amazing results, which you can verify. For example, you may have a telepathic dialogue with a lover, a friend, or family whom you have not heard from in months. In this seemingly inner dialogue you may experience both of you coming to a new understanding and appreciation of each other. Out of the blue a week later you get a warm call from the person or a note. They may not realize that you have had the telepathic conversation but it will be acknowledged by a new feeling of understanding between you. Often after telepathic dialogue the person will experience a greater clarity and understanding about the other person. Understanding breeds compassion.


Telepathy can also help you find the love of your life. If you send out the right signals the people who have matching desires will receive them through their intuitive hardware. You will also be attuned to the matching desires, qualities, and patterns of the people you would be happy with.

Why Hillary Clinton Should Be Elected President of the United States

These difficult and dangerous times call for someone who, having already experienced the realities and challenges of living in the White House and working in the Senate, is now inspired by the dream of an affordable and healthy society of women, men and especially children. Senator Clinton has demonstrated the no-quit grit that the less well-off, for whom she has worked all her life, respect and admire. And yes, as a neuroscientist and mature woman, I mean no disrespect to men to suggest that women really do have a neuroanatomically proven ability to multi-task, and carry out multiple agendas simultaneously. To be able to come naturally from the head and heart at the same time when the stakes are so very high will bring powerful solutions to our nation

End the Suffering in the Middle East

The people of the Middle East are suffering again as militarists on
all sides, and cheerleading journalists, send forth missiles, bombs and
endless words of self-justification for yet another pointless round of
violence between Israel and her neighbors. For those of us who care
deeply about human suffering,

this most recent episode in irrationality evokes tears of sadness,
incredulity at the lack of empathy on all sides, anger at how little
anyone seems to have learned from the past, and moments of despair as
we once again see the religious and democratic ideals subordinated to
the cynical realism of militarism.

Meanwhile, the partisans on each side, content to ignore the
humanity of

The Amorality of the Free Market

Greed, one of the seven deadly sins, is seen as a major factor in the
housing market crash and the oil price spike. Can greed ever be
justified morally or religiously?

Greed is a moral bad but a functional good. Greedy entrepreneurs have
benefited the world with more than a few things without which we
wouldn’t want to live. It was greed, for example, that led investors in
the 1980s to buy so-called junk bonds. Junk bonds combined high yield
with high risk. They were roundly condemned at the time by gatekeepers
of public morality (at least one national politician, Rudy Giuliani,
used this as a springboard, loudly prosecuting Michael Milken, the
one-man brain trust of junk bonds). Yet junk bonds allowed FedEx and
MCI to get off the ground, two budding ventures scorned by established
financial lenders. There’s even an argument that junk bonds, had they
not been vilified, could have financed enormous changes in the
developing world, providing desperately needed funds that otherwise
weren’t available.

Good and bad are entangled in human life; that’s a given. How, then,
are we to weigh morals and expediency? For a certain segment of the
population, the question is moot. Either they try for maximum return on
the dollar without regard to conscience, or at the opposite end, they
take Jesus literally when he says that a rich man has no more chance of
getting into Heaven than a camel to pass through the eye of a needle.
But most of us are caught up in confusion; we feel conflicted about
what worldly pleasure — and the money that buys gratification of all
kinds — might be doing to our souls.

The gospel of greed was launched in the popular imagination by
Gordon Gekko, the smug villain in the movie Wall Street, who pronounced
one of the mantras of the go-go Eighties: “Greed is good.” Gekko made
this declaration during a shareholders meeting, one of those
now-familiar contests over “green mail,” by which ruthless takeover
artists grabbed control of a corporation. Green mail is a naked appeal
to greed, offering shareholders more for their stock than they could
get on the open market. What matter if the takeover results in mass
layoffs and the eventual collapse of the company? In the amorality of a
free market, greed is the same as Adam Smith’s invisible hand, and that
hand is attached to God.

“Wall Street” wasn’t deep, but its central war mirrored the
melodrama of Satan tempting the innocent, with Gekko as chief tempter.
In reality, greed has prospered far beyond the scriptwriter’s
imagination. It doesn’t take deep cynicism to explain both Gulf wars in
terms of greedy corporations protecting the oil interests of America
(and failing both times unless you are fortunate enough to be part of
the oil industry or Haliburton). It’s not so much that greed is immoral
but something deeper: does morality even have a say? The entanglement
of good and bad keeps shifting and changing. Is it immoral for the
Saudis to profit from skyrocketing oil prices? Most Americans think so.
Is it immoral for America to consume a third of the world’s natural
resources and in the bargain demand the lowest price for them? Most of
the world thinks so. Yet nothing is cut and dried. As someone recently
pointed out, the U.S. is the one country everyone else hates and
everyone else wants to move to.

In the end, there’s a disconnect between public and private
morality. What corporations and governments do (ruining people’s
retirement funds, killing an enemy en masse) is unthinkable for the
individual. Few societies have successfully bridged this gap. The only
answer I can come up with is that only consciousness can prevail. When
you find yourself having to make a difficult moral choice, your choice
comes intuitively. One person automatically resorts to violence,
another automatically resists violence. In the larger scheme this
doesn’t mark the difference between good and bad. It marks the stages
of evolution that consciousness has always gone through and will
continue to.

Between Men, Between Women

A few months ago, a male friend of mine asked me to dinner. Not
having anything better to do that day except run a magazine, balance my
checkbook, fold my laundry and get my car serviced, I thought to
myself, “Sure why not, I need to have some semblance of a social life,”
and so I agreed to the meeting. Notice how I am not calling it a date.

Here is some background on me: I am a single, strong South Asian,
the publisher of Bibi Magazine, an entrepreneur and an outspoken
commentator on the state of second-generation South Asians. I am also a
woman, a sister and a daughter who loves flowing hair, jewelry and high

This friend of mine, let’s call him Samir, came to my home at the
requisite time, but instead of coming to my door as expected, he called
me from his car to inform me that he was waiting outside. Ordinarily, I
would expect a man to have the decency to at least ring the doorbell,
but that night with me coming home late from work and sitting knee deep
in a pile of shoes and clothes still trying to figure out what to wear
while he was outside, I didn’t think much of this social red flag.

Breathless, but looking divine (of course), I ran out of my home to
his car, opened the door myself (hmmm) and sat down in a flurry of
“hey’s” and “you look nice’s.”
Ok so far not the best, but not the worst.

He took me to this really nice place that had recently opened and I
thought, not bad, brownie points for him. As we got out of the car, I
opened the door myself…again. But before I move on further, let me
first state for the record. I am an independent girl, born and bred in
NYC with a brief sojourn in Houston. Ok, the brief sojourn was more
like six years where, despite my can-do-for-myself attitude, I did
adapt some southern belle mannerisms. For example, I write thank-you
notes, send flowers when appropriate and I always have food on the
table. I make my friends feel comfortable; they call me the ultimate
hostess. I expect my gentlemen callers to be chivalrous; they label me
as high maintenance. It’s a small trade-off.

This transformation did not happen overnight. I remember the first
time someone in Texas opened the door for me, I immediate clutched my
handbag tight and suspiciously guarded, asked him, “What do you want?”
He replied with that warm, southern hospitality, “Nothing, I am just
opening the door for you.” A girl can get used to things like that, and
needless to say, I did. I spent the next few years, honing my newfound
southern belle status and sure enough, today, I enjoy being treated
like a lady and treating a guy like a man.

Coming back to my evening with Samir, the restaurant had those
annoying double set of glass doors where you open one, step in and then
open the other; a confusing situation in any case. As we approached the
first door, Samir graciously opened it and waited for me to step in.
Thoughts of walking hand-in-hand through Central Park and sharing cozy
Sunday brunches immediately colored my unsuspecting fantasies. As we
approached the second set of doors, Samir walked on through and left me
standing there on the other side! Did I mention that there were
hundreds of people crowding the door, the bar area and the waiting
area? Of course, I lost sight of him, but did see a reflection of
myself in the glass of the closed door, barefoot, pregnant, paying the
bills while vacuuming the floor as Samir sits in the recliner watching
TV all day. “Yeah honey, you can take care of yourself, right? And
while you’re at it…what’s for dinner?” With a sigh of resignation, I
opened the door, pushed through the throngs of people and finally
caught site of Samir waving from the other side of the room. Really!
The redeeming points of the evening were the delicious meal, nice
atmosphere, and to his credit, Samir did make an effort at pleasant
conversation. As we had the last of our dessert and I was ready to give
him a second chance, the waiter arrived with the check. Not wanting to
be rude, I offered to pay, and yeah, you guessed it, Samir unabashedly
agreed. Laughing at myself inside and swearing off of men forever (ok
maybe only for that moment), I paid for dinner. He dropped me home and
after that day, politely declined any of his future invitations.

In this day of independence, many South Asian women are caught with
the dual-edge sword of taking care of ourselves and managing our single
lives, while still trying to remain somewhat soft and traditional and
cope with our inherent and cultural need to be taken care of by our
man. Many of my female friends, both single and married, complain all
the time: Yes we are strong, yes we have careers and yes we have our
own minds, but every once in a while, we want a guy to take care of us,
to protect us, to let us know that everything will be all right. It
doesn’t mean that we are incapable, it just means that we never forget
that we are women with long hair and high heels. And in this age of
equal rights, I wonder, have men forgotten what is to be chivalrous and
have women inadvertently accepted this lackluster tenet as truth?

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