5 Tips to Deepen Your Intimate Relationship

ON THE REBOUNDIn today’s fast paced society, more and more people find it difficult to listen to one another. The stress of modern, daily living affects many areas of our lives, and it particularly takes a huge toll on relationships. Too often, we tend to run our lives in a robotic manner, communicating through codes and SMS.

We often see people talking at one another rather than to each other, hearing but not really listening. Many cannot wait for individuals to finish talking. They cut them off before they complete their sentence, and in turn come up with an answer to bring up their own agenda. Chances are that you have been in this situation and can recall your feelings of frustration.

Do you remember a time in your life when you felt someone really listened to you with his/her whole being?

Do you recall listening to someone wholeheartedly with “all ears”?

Listening plays an important role in the success and vitality of relationships. Heartfelt listening enables an intimate connectedness and an empowered union to flourish. An honest wholehearted listening deepens the partners’ familiarity with one another and opens their eyes to explore the richness of each other’s inner worlds. It offers an opportunity to discover the mystery of intimacy.

Dr. Jack Zimmerman and Dr. Jaquelyn McCandells developed a relationship model for couples intimacy which is based on a unique way of communicating and listening without judgment .The practice named, “Flesh & Spirit”, emphasizes listening to the voice of the relationship, which best serves the relationship. This practice enables a heartfelt dialogue which transcends the couple’s relationship into a new path- a place of the heart. The model encourages the growth of the relationship as well as the individual empowerment within the relationship. Many couples that practice this heartfelt communication reported rejuvenation and a deepening of their intimate bond.

Here are 5 tips to improve and deepen intimate relationships:

1. Designate time to frequently celebrate the relationship

Allocate a quiet place with no interruptions from cell phones, TV. etc. Create a romantic setting filled with candlelight. Sit, facing one another, hold hands, look into each other’s eyes and share a positive story, a positive memory that you remember about your partner. Focus on something you love and appreciate in your partner that brings a smile to your face.

Not only share with your partner what you feel will enhance the relationship and deepen your intimate bond, but also share what are you willing to do to make it happen.

The practice helps create a safe environment that can transform your relationship into a source of inspiration by stretching your imagination through, creativity, playfulness, humor, adventure and spontaneity. The transformation brings a fresh new energy and a renewed life force into the union.

2. Listening without interruption

Each time you feel like reacting when your partner speaks, take a deep breath, and listen to the end of his/her last word. It helps to use a talking piece, and only the person who speaks, holds it. Put the talking piece down when you finished speaking, and allow your partner to express him/her self.

3. Speaking from the “I feel”

Ask yourself, “Am I communicating from my ego or from my heart?” Relax and be totally present. Allow your vulnerability to emerge when you speak from the” I feel” place rather than reacting or blaming. When speaking from the heart, share how you feel without pointing a finger. It creates a room for healing, as obstacles and challenges turn into stepping-stones and opportunities for growth.

4. Affirmations

We all can use positive affirmation… a show of love, kindness and support rather than criticism.

Express to your partner frequent words of affirmation. Compliment your partner. Leave love notes, write poems and love letters, and express positive validation towards your partner for the things he/she does that make you feel good. Familiarize yourself with those things that make your partner happy or that are important to him/her.

A hug, a pinch, or a smile will spark up the day. The relationship thrives on such shows of affection.

5. From the “Me” to “We”

In every relationship, there is an individual voice within each partner that feeds self-indulgent, egotistical needs. But it is important to stay mindful of the relationship’s needs. This third voice is called “The Voice of the Relationship”, a neutral voice that serves the well being of the relationship. In times of tension, conflicts and disagreements, attuning to the voice of the relationship cultivates a conciliatory atmosphere by bringing a different perspective to consider. It’s like going out to the balcony to get a different view on things.

Dr. Moti Peleg & Ronit Rinat Peleg

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, their Oprah Show appearance and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go towww.ego2heart.org.
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Originally published in 2011

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photo by: Neal.

About motiandronit

When Oprah Winfrey Show producer Hilary Jane Robe searched for couples for the show’s “Greatest Love Stories” she discovered a story about Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg in a New Jersey newspaper. Not only are the Pelegs destiny-driven soul mates with an incredible love story, but they’re also humanitarians whose Ego to Heart workshops emphasize heartfelt listening and communication between other couples. It started when a 17-year-old boy became smitten with a magazine cover of the newly crowned Miss Israel of 1964 — Ronit Rinat. Moti said, “There was some kind of spirited glow in her.” He stressed her eyes beckoned to him, and he kept that photo, feeling they would someday marry. Meanwhile, Ronit married a physician from the United States at age 19, and had three children. “I went to college and opened an international store in Beverly Hills,” she said. But Ronit said her husband was neither a communicator nor spiritual. “We went to a workshop for couples called “Flesh & Spirit” and it was just what I was seeking: to be listened to without judgment, to be spoken to from the heart and, most of all, to listen to my own heart before I spoke.” She studied for five years under Dr. Jack Zimmerman and Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless, certified in the couples’ intimacy practice. She brought this counseling method back to Israel in 2002 and became the founder of “Council” in Israel. “Council” helps one openly explore, offer heartfelt expression and learn to listen attentively. It is said to be the gateway to intercultural understanding and the non-violent exploration of conflict. After her husband’s death, Ronit was empowered to continue with a full life. “I have trained, mentored, spread the practice all over the country (Israel),” she said, “it is recognized as a way to reduce violence in schools, empower women, men, and children — to build community and connect through dialogue between Arabs and Jews.” Simultaneously, Moti came to the States in 1970. He received his psychology degree from Queens College, got married and had two children. “Sadly, my wife and I didn’t have communication skills,” he said. “We struggled with fears and insecurities that eventually drew us apart and caused us to divorce.” Peleg completed his Doctorate at Yeshiva University, and has been a psychotherapist and psychologist for more than three decades, specializing in traumatic stress associated with pain and relationship issues. However, his desire to meet the girl with the eyes that seemed to signal him remained constant. So in 2004, a friend called Ronit to say he had someone who wished to meet her. At first, Ronit thought it was a joke, but realized this man’s voice seemed truthful. Moti communicated with Ronit via phone calls, e-mails, love letters and songs. “The lyrics and songs talked to my soul,” Ronit said. She flew to New York and visited Moti. For the first three hours of their visit, Ronit asked Moti to join her in “Council.” Ronit said, “We shared deep stories from our past, our childhood fears and dreams.” After two years, they were married. The “destined” couple combined their counseling methods to form “Ego to Heart”. The workshops enable people to listen to the “voice of the relationship,” thus eliminating the ego of “me,” transforming it to “we”, which diminishes the power of ego that reduces a heart’s connection,” according to the Pelegs. “The results of respect, humility and compassion, allowing a person to be seen as perfect in their imperfections, without judgment … empowers each one of us and the relationship,” Ronit added. They provided workshops in New Hope, but realized the location did not have the karma and warmth they sought. Once more, destiny called the Pelegs to the Hudson Valley, where Moti’s son, a construction engineer, came upon a place in Esopus. The 10,000-square-foot mansion with heart carvings throughout the structure overlooking the Hudson River was called “Heart’s Ease” and served as a labor school for newly arrived immigrants. By working with the Esopus Historical Society, the Pelegs’ research revealed that one of America’s greatest humanitarians, Eleanor Roosevelt served on the board of the labor school. Architectural heart-shaped appointments, the name “Heart’s Ease” and the grand humanitarian connection? This certainly seems like destiny. And if historical renovations and construction go as intended, by August 2011, the couple’s destiny will be fulfilled. For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, the Oprah Show video and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go to www.ego2heart.org or call Moti Peleg’s office at (201) 652-6843.

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