By Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.
The beginning stages of love are phenomenal and exciting on all levels, but these stages can make us almost delusional as to who our partner is in reality. The truth is that all people, in time, become real people who are not perfect and have flaws. That is part of being divinely human. We are all perfectly imperfect. When things get real in a relationship is when we have the opportunity to get the best view and understanding of our partner.
5 things to look for before becoming more serious
1) Does your partner have self-love?: All positive relationships are born out of the love we feel and have for ourselves. We can tell if someone is self-loving by if they are happy, if they take care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually and if they have compassion for themselves and others.
2) Are they responsible?: Does your partner have an organized life with their own passions which they are responsible for? Responsibility is synonymous with maturity. If you partner is responsible their life will be clean and there will be less chaos to argue over. It also eliminates your need to help them pick up and/or run their lives. We each have a life to lead and we will want a partner that is successfully leading their own life. This makes them interesting, attractive, dependable and exciting.
3) Is there a basis of friendship?: Friendship is at the core of love. Romance alone is not sustaining but if there is a genuine friendship underlying the romance it renews itself forever. Those who play together have a greater chance of staying together. Friendships are based in communication, experiencing life together and equitable sharing. If this is there with your prospective partner, then you have a keeper.
4) Can and do they communicate with you openly and honestly?: Things change, people change and all relationships will face this kind of chaos. The most essential glue to keeping love alive is a firm foundation of honesty and communication. If you and your prospective partner can maintain honesty in your communication then resentments will not build and an open quality of flexibility can help you stay connected during more challenging times.
5) You both must want the other to be happy: Wanting each other’s happiness is of the upmost importance in the relationship and in life. Happiness is sacred because it is an expression of love. When two people are genuinely happy they only stand to love each other more. A genuinely loving partner, one who is serious in their love and commitment, would love you enough (and vise/versa) not to stand in the way of your personal needs for happiness, even if they were not perfectly matched up with their own.
These five qualities are undeniably about each person being individually embraced and committed to their own happiness. When your partner is self-loving then they have love to give, they have love to share and they will possess the flexibility to bend around change and differences in desires, opinions and habits. If your partner provides these five qualities then you can be assured that you have found a love that will stand the test of time.
Little life message: Bring your individual passion and happiness to the table of love, this way you have something to share.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is the author of Loving Yourself and is a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. Click here to get her free article on Five Ways to Make Love the Common Ground in Your Communication. She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California. Receive free insights from Sherrie and to be involved in her Facebook community of others looking to improve their relationship. For more information visit http://www.sherriecampbellphd.com.