7 Tips: How to Find a Soul Mate Instead of a Cell Mate

While summer is the season of fun, skimpy clothing and lightheartedness like butterflies caressing flowers, fall is more serious. The days are shorter with temperatures significantly cooler; in the North the leaves fall to reveal surprising tree architecture and details of homes never noticed in summer. Winter is coming and we make plans to nest and keep warm.  This is why fall is a great time to fall in love and make it last! I wonder why the term, “falling in love,” is used to describe the wonders of a love relationship. It implies tripping, not mindful of where we are going, even getting hurt. Some of the physical accompaniments like, being love sick, butterflies in the stomach, a fever, a tightening in the throat, or a deep ache make love sound like a virus – quite the opposite of joy and contentment. What is real love and can it last?

Here is what I have discovered. The first stage of love is acting and speaking like a loving person. It doesn’t cause you to fall down, constrict your caloric intake or make unreasonable demands. Love teases out the best in you – more open to possibilities. Love flies freely and will always find its way home to you. Even if the door is locked, love will find a slightly open window to enter. Love is eye to eye: I to I. This kind of love is always fresh and does not go stale because two distinct I’s grow together instead of apart.

How to find a soul mate:

* Some of us experience a number of failed relationships to find the ONE.  The more relationships you have, the more likely you are to meet the person you can connect with. This is why it is important to keep trying after a painful breakup. When someone rejects you, deactivate the thought that you are a victim and unworthy and that no one will ever love you again. Instead realize that everyone doesn’t have to love you; yes, it would be nice if everyone loved you, but it is quite unrealistic. However, if you love who you are and who you can become, you won’t feel desperate to be loved by another person. Love will come to you because you are optimistic. It’s like waiting for that proverbial bus; when you stop waiting anxiously, the bus comes. 

* Don’t manipulate another trying to ensnare him or her in a relationship by pretending to be what your love object wants. Because once you have successfully hunted your partner with pretense, now what? Are you prepared to act that role for the rest of your life?

* Express your true feelings. If you don’t want to do something, don’t. When you decide not to do something for your significant other, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or her. Likewise if he says no to you, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you.

* Stop qualifying your honest statements; it means that you need the approval of others when in actuality it is your own approval that you need. You don’t have to justify your authentic expression.

* When you give a gift, give it freely. No strings attached, only because it makes you feel happy to give it. If not, give yourself that gift instead.

* Don’t try too hard. Often when you push, the other pulls away.

* Humor and positivism are love magnets. Think about the office water cooler- the upbeat, witty people are usually at the center. Prepare some witty remarks and file them away in your head for when you can use them.

Fall is fun like a child throwing herself into a pile of leaves or a Halloween costume party. Unleash your romantic, playful side. This is the time when you cling to and appreciate the warmth because you know winter is coming. Your temperament could never be better for romance:  appreciative and kind.