Being in a long-distance relationship can kind of suck. I know this because I’ve been there.
I met my current boyfriend three months before my pre-determined departure date to work abroad in Japn for an entire year. Not exactly the best timing in the world.
And yet… we decided to take the long-distance plunge anyway. And though it got difficult and lonely to maintain a committed relationship with a 17-hour-time difference and the entire Pacific Ocean between us, we made it fun as much as we possibly could.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, or are about to transition into one, my heart goes out to you for all the sacrifices you have to make and the unique challenges you have to endure.
Here are my 7 tips, from someone who’s been there and done that.
1. Skype is Your Best Friend. You can drop a lot of money on long-distance overseas phone calls. Or you can download Skype for free with your significant other and talk as much as you possibly can. If you don’t have a MacBook, an extra investment in a webcam and a microphone is totally worth it.
2. This is Your Perfect Excuse to Make Cute Care Packages and Send Letters. Making care packages is fun. So is receiving them. There are few things more gratifying than fillingl a box with goofball gifts and delicious foreign snacks and mailing it off with the happy knowledge that it would make the recipient very happy in the following week.
3. Experience New Places as a Couple. Being in Japan gave my boyfriend the incentive to travel to another country for the first time ever to come visit me. Though being in a long-distance relationshp was hard, we at least made the most of it by making great couple memories in exciting locations that otherwise would not have ever happened if I didn’t ever go to Japan: like biking through downtown Kyoto at night, indulging in great street food in Tokyo, and exploring the crazy night markets in Taipei. Consider your long-distance relationship as an exciting opportunity to travel to new places as a couple.
4. Have the Best Social Support System Ever. Not having your significant other around when you really need to talk to the person the most is one of the hardest challenges in a long-distance relationship. This is why it is more crucial than ever to make sure that you also have your friends and family you can really open up to. The last thing you want is to begin resenting your significant other or the situation for not being more convenient to your emotional needs.
5. Don’t Forget the Little Stuff. Everything becomes ten times more endearing and meaningful when the physical presence is no longer available. So those little gestures of affection are more than brownie points: they’re like oxygen. The random Facebook gift. The Facebok graffiti post. (Maybe I just use too much Facebook.) The little postcard. The one-sentence email that describes what you ate for breakfast. It’s the little stuff that will keep the two of you motivated to stick it through.
6. Avoid Idle Time as Much as Possible. The worst is when you have too much time on your hands and you begin feeling absolutely terrible over the fact that you are not in the same time zone as your sweetie. You also don’t want to start having Skype conversations where you have nothing to talk about because you have been up to nothing. That being said, take on a creative project or new activity that you can look forward to doing. Work on a novel. Take a yoga class. Volunteer for a social movement. Make your extra free time meaningful and fulfilling.
7. Laugh. Because it’s better than crying over it. Because you don’t want extra frown lines the next time you’re reunited with your lover. Because all long-distance relationships can get so tragically absurd, and you might as well embrace how nutty it can be. Because all the other couples around you will be so impressed and asking for your secret to everlasting love when you finally do get through it with flying colors. And you will, won’t you?
my husband now …boyfriend then had to separate last september…he had to move to boston 4 work…i was very sad and scared…he promised that he would keep in touch and that we would make it…i had lots of faith in him and in the universe…i accepted things as they were(not easy)…cried alot but we did make it and now were married and very happy…good luck to you… …peace
I'm glad it ended well in the end in spite of the long-distance difficulties and anxieties. Yay!
Thank you for your article. I would like to mention that there are some long distance relationships that *do* work out . . .
My parents ~ before they married ~ were in a long distance relationship which lasted for three years . . . They had met at the end of WWII when the US Army liberated Czechoslovakia, now the Czech Republic, from German occupation in 1945. My Mother was 15 years old (though, as many know, war can mature a person). My Father was 25.
When he left to return to Paris, and then from there back to the states, my Father told my Mother that he
I MET MY FINACEE ON THE INTERNET. I DIDNT WANT ANOTHER LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE THE FIRST ENDED BAD AND IT WAS HARD BUT I TOLD MYSELF IF I DID I WOULD HAVE TO TELL HIM WHAT I EXPECTED BEFORE WE WENT ANY FURTHER WITH THIS RELATIONSHIP AND HE UNDERSTOOD AND THAT WAS 4 MONTHS NOW WE'RE ENGAGED AND HAPPY SO SO SO SO HAPPY. LONG DISTANCE CAN WORK IF THE TWO PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO MAKE IT WORK.
Hello,
I am currently in a situation where I might be in a long-distance relationship. We are definately amazing together! But he will be leaving for 16months and we'll only be dating for 4 months when he leaves. It is a Boot Camp type of Fire Academy and since I don't own a vehicle and since he has been cheated on before he feels like this long distance thing won't work out. Although he's been hurt befor, I can't see how any woman couldn't be so proud of her now Paramedic soon to be Firefighter and be loyal and faithful?! He will only be able to communicate once a week and seeing him will not be frequent MAYBE once every 6 months. He thinks that asking me to wait for him will be selfish of him to ask. Should I insist to him that we CAN make this work? Or should I just wait for him and tell him "I told you so" ? Thanks
I read this article out of curiousity because it just so happens that my girlfriend of 2 years is Japanese and lives in Osaka while I'm stuck here in the States, so I was curious to see if there were any pointers here that we could benefit from. I found it really surprising that we've lasted these 2 years only seeing each other once or twice a year, and each of the 7 things you have mentioned are what we've used to make it through difficult times! v(^_^)v Thank you for writing this article and to all the readers, listen to Yumi-san, these tips really do work!
I read this because my boyfriend and I are going to be on different sides of the East Coast for the next year. I will be in Georgia while he will be in New England where the Navy sends him. It is the first time in the 3 years that we have been together that we will be that far apart. We did the state to state thing where the most that we have been apart is a 6 hour drive. After a month I had to fly up to see him for a week but as that week comes to an end the thought of not seeing him for 6 months has me in tears. I know that if we can make this we can make anything.
Dear Yumi,
Thank you for beautiful post.
I am currently in the long distance relationship. I am in CostaRica and my boyfriend is in Florida. I think that there is nothing that can ruin our relationship. We feel even stronger about our union now than before when i was in states. We cherish every minute when we are together.
Your tips are my "survival bible"…I can add just one: be grateful for all 7 above…thank universe for e-mail, Skype, american airlines and the other modern day "things" that make our lives better and distance closer.
I've actually never understood how distance can be the reason for break up. If I'm into someone, I still will be into him, perhaps even more if the distance is greater. Nowadays there are messengers, gmail (which has made email so much faster), skype(as you mentioned), that honestly, I don't feel the distance anymore.
And then if you really someone, waiting one year shouldn't really be that much of a problem.