I am writing about this issue because it has affected me through my entire life. It has not only affected my physical appearance but my mental and emotional health too. I am not writing this as a victim or with a poor me attitude, but I would like to reflect on how my life has been since I have had acne.
In the beginning of my teenage years, my acne was out of control. No matter what I did, I could not find any medication that would prevent or heal it. Slowly I learnt to live with it, but the social stigma was a different issue. I have mentioned in my previous blog that I was sexually abused when I was a kid, and because of that I have been emotionally aloof. I am 23 years old and I rarely date and have never been a relationship. But, it’s not entirely because of the emotional scarring; it is also because of my acne problem and the fear of being rejected.
For some people, love and relationship comes easily but it’s never crossed my path. People have asked me out, but when I cannot give them what they want, they tend to pull back. Or they don’t ask the real me out, they ask the prettier version of me- who is more outgoing and approachable and has a clear skin. That’s why I tend to be aloof when they do ask me out. The real me is scared, insecure and mostly so afraid of being rejected and hurt that I have built of a shell around me. Since, my skin has a mind of its own and it does not remain the same all the time-I break out for a couple of weeks and after a couple of weeks my skin is completely clear.
But, I am so scared of being rejected that I tend to shut myself out, I wish people would understand what is it like being rejected because of the way you look and I wish people stopped judging people based on their looks. Even though, it’s unrealistic to know a person without knowing their outer persona, but it’s so hard to live in a world where beauty is skin deep.
Recently, my skin was clear but as of lately, I have started breaking out again. I have cried my heart out because even with out the acne, I could not find a person who could accept me as I am. But is there anyone who would love me with the obvious physical flaws? This is my honest opinion so the world would know how a person who suffers from acne really feels.
I wished to be hold, to be kissed and be to told that I am loved and cherished but I have never been told-even if it was for that moment. I am scared that the emotional scarring from the abuse and the acne will never heal and I am scared I will always be alone and void of love.
As I mentioned before, this blog is not for self pity but I wish people to understand how I feel and how it feels to be on the side of the spectrum. The emotional scar never heals especially when you don’t have someone who is willing to heal it.
you are not alone, you are loved and cherished and I am sending you a bubble of pink healing light to surround you and bring the love you need into your world. You are on the right path already, being so aware of your emotions. I understand the skin issue and the looks issue and the wanting someone to be with you for who you are and at the same time being insecure that who you are isn't actually good enough? building on your own strengths and gifts (which you have already by virtue of being on the planet!) you will find what you are looking for inside yourself. Sending love and light and wishing you peace. x