It’s my belief we are morally required to look after our fellow man. However, it’s also my belief it is best you work, if you want to eat. As is the norm for me, I’m divided via beliefs as I attempt to figure out what is the best way to be.
And as I live I’ve discovered or I am discovering, perhaps there is no Right answer that is illuminated by way of neon lights "THIS IS THE WAY" we just feel our way—as one’s conscience dictates how–individually we react to any given situation.
Usually when I encounter a homeless person carrying a sign, hungry and homeless I avert my gaze. Why, perhaps it makes me all too aware it could be me, or perhaps I wonder is it a scam? Or even why don’t you get a job, there’s surely something you could do? Who knows, for whatever reason I basically ignore the best I’m able.
Yet the other day while driving to the Hospital, when I stopped at a traffic light, there he was—extremely thin, wearing dirty tattered clothes, minus two front teeth holding a sign that says Homeless and Hungry. I looked his way, and he smiled, unable to avoid his gaze and eyes I immediately looked away.
Then something I read surfaced an exchange on a discussion board, a young man–declaring as a college student he was a liberal, but now he is republican. One reason being the poor he has decided they’re this way because either they’re too stupid or too lazy; which there could be a substantial amount of truth in this. Does that mean they deserve the position they’re in? Then again, many who’re homeless they’re mentally ill. And when it comes to mental illness—that includes a wide range via definition, and is depression, or stupidity, or for that matter—being lazy something we choose to be?
And what about mental illness, which could definitely apply to me if that, includes clinical depression? If you’re not familiar with depression, the deep dark kind that can lead to drug addictions—there is a substantial amount of time lost due to depression, much more than one might think. I’ve read that depression can be more debilitating than cancer or heart disease. Difficult to believe unless you’ve experienced this yourself.
It can be so severe that a person is unable to hold down a job or at best, perform effectively.
I was lucky; my malady [clinical depression] did affect my work performance, though slightly—still when at my worst I didn’t do my best work.
I have an uncle who’s a brilliant self made multi millionaire. Who has been hospitalized several times for clinical depression? When he experiences these spells he is unable to get off of the couch and get dressed. It is amazing to witness the transformation, had he not received assistance from those that cared could he have become a number in the statistics labeled homeless?
And what about the homeless–we are witnessing a change of face as to who this predicament covers. Many are belonging to the over 50 crowd according to Nan Roman president of the National Alliance to End Homelessness in Washington, says "<I> More people are becoming homeless when they’re older, which is new. The program that inoculated older people against homelessness are not keeping up."</I>
Poverty has always been—yet, basically ignored, because hey that didn’t really affect me. Now however, and due to the recent current events, this will probably be doubling if not tripling–it’s hitting middle class, and people have begun to pay attention. Is it just a matter of being dumb and lazy that determines homelessness, or are we indeed our brother’s keepers, contributing to the welfare of all by our deeds AND misdeeds?
By the way—I dug in my purse and presented the man with a few bills. Considering, I was raised on do unto others….sometime you have to know what and when to give. Because giving too much can be as detrimental as not giving enough. In this case at that precise moment I felt the need to give, so I did.
And if he spent it on booze or it was scam I don’t really care. As I believe regardless of appearance we are all peddling as fast as we can, and what you do contributes to me and my actions contribute to you. Does that mean everyone should have a free handout all of the time? No, in many circumstances the kinder thing to do is help them help themselves…..but whatever the circumstance, we are all in this thing together, and as the world shrinks, that would include globally. Sometimes, we just need for the moment a helping hand.
A blog to really make you think about yourvown reactions. i too used to avert my gaze if possible perhaps believing in the 'scams' i'd read about locally. But i've been taught some well meaning lessons that remain with me today. the first is 'never judge a book by it's cover' or 'first impressions' , i remember attending my very first sweatlodge here in England with a Native American called Wa Na Nee Che, i had read his books and the timing of his entrance into my life came 'at the right moment;'. it was fate i decided. so i and my friends went along, i saw a man dressed rather hippie ish long hair leather jacket, the fire keeper had a Brummie accent and adorned with tattoo's, not my expectation at all of Spritual people. However, when the ceremoney began and this Hippie guy started to pray and sing , inviting the energies into the lodge, my initial feeling that this guy was an imposter of Wa Na Nee Che was completely blown away. i cannot explain the awe i now felt for this man as his prayers/singing were truly magical as if to cast a spell over all the participants. i knew then i was in the precence of 'the Wa NaNee Che who's books and teachings i was already familiar with. That first sweat was a magical experience for me and my friends. i felt humbled and 'guilty' that i had judged this man on his appearance, purely because it didn't match my expectation of how he should look and act. The next homeless guy i saw in my town, i didn't avert my gaze, i walked over to him and asked if he was hungry, yes he was very hungry, so i bought him a Macdonalds meal. he was very pleased. i purposefully did not give money as i do know it could have been spent on drink or maybe drugs…perhaps. IKt was a particularly cold day and food would help keep him warm. i was always annoyed at the Big Issue people who always seemed to hassling for people to buy the magazine. i now buy the Magazine because i have learned this is a special way that homeless people can beging to make a start in life, if they are lucky. i've heard many troubled stories of how these often very young people find themselves on the streets, and some are tough stories to listen to. i perhaps should have learned the 'judge not, and first impressions' teachings a long long time ago, as i remember visiting a school for disabled children in my school years, i hate to admit that i was rather frightened of some of the kids i met, many were deformed. Some years down the line my own son diagnosed Autism/special needs went to such a school. How my eyes were opened as to the 'person' behind their disabilty. There but for the Grace of God comes to mind, something i understand now.
Just this very night whilst out with my son on his jolly jaunts in the car at all hours, it was 200am we saw a body lying in the park where my husband walks the dog. he was motionless, i wanted to go check him out straightaway but sadly this day and age it can be risky as you are never sure how they will react, and too often it seems in this Country the good samaritan can be in trouble themselves if a fracas broke out and well you know what i mean. so we called the police, staying near by this guy. Apparently he 'was' drunk and had passed out, he lived just a few yards away. However the temperature tonight is minus 6 c, had he remained their for much longer he would have died, he was not wearing suitable clothes for 'sleeping in the park in sub zero temperatures'. i do feel upset at my husbands reluctance to investigate ourselves but sadly it is a reality of our times. i'm just so glad he was ok. He was very dazed and shocked when he awoke to see the paramedic and police around him. But come tomorrow i think he will be thankful he was rudely awoken.
Pam
Pam—I want to thank you for reading and then posting such a thoughtful response. Yes but for the grace of God go I—I've often thought that myself and it's humbling to do so. I'm happy to know there are people such as yourself out there who take the time to care. *S*
Sherri:
Taking the time to talk and to understand is part of this equation. The stories will break your heart and it is hard not to feel a sense of responsibility.
We have a disabled man that comes around for bottles and recyclables. Now one would think he had a long term substance abuse problem because of some of the signs and his disheveled appearance.
Turns out after talking with him that he was a senior at Arizona State many years ago and was in a car accident. The resulting tramatic brain injury left him significantly impaired. He really wanted me to know that and to know that he was really doing the very best that he could.
We started a Thurday ritual of my collecting bottles from my neighbors and leaving him the collection with usually a hearty bagged lunch. It was kind of tedious trying to communicate with him, but I kind of miss him now that he has gone to a shelter in Arizona for the winter.
I have lots of bottles building up for when he returns in the spring.
Good deeds are done not because of what the person we are doing them for might or might not do with them. We do them because of the deed itself. You did the right thing and I suspect you will do it again.
Nina
Nina
Turns out after talking with him that he was a senior at Arizona State many years ago and was in a car accident. The resulting tramatic brain injury left him significantly impaired. He really wanted me to know that and to know that he was really doing the very best that he could.
You know I’m a big believer in regardless of appearances and judgment we’re all doing the best we can. No one knows what causes another to react or behave as they do, unless we are them—ha and sometimes we don’t even understand why we do what we do, but we could tell you about the motivation eh or the emotion that drives us.
AND I know we’ve all heard put yourself in another’s shoes to understand, but I think it has to go beyond that for us to truly empathize. WE have to become that person and if we did we’d behave just as they have and know why. Our emotions drive us—we may can do as we choose, but we can’t will what we desire.
So in that respect he was doing the best he could—and that made tears well as I put myself in his shoes. Oh how true but for the grace of god go I—-and I sense you will understand what I’m attempting to say.
Thank you Nina so much for reading and responding.