Today’s world is a need it right now world. Emails, text messages, and cellular telephones have made us much more accessible and our level of accountability much higher. The expectations for immediate attention are overwhelming and can negatively impact our productivity and patience.
However, learning to be more patient can increase feelings of happiness as well as reduce stress and anxiety. Patience can also improve productivity because it creates a better state of mind, a clearer state of mind, for better decision making.
Patience is becoming a lost art. We sometimes feel others becoming more impatient with us if we are not quick to answer or respond right away which will only exacerbate our own impatience. However, most things worth having take time to obtain – they take patience. Art cannot be rushed and patience cannot be lost if the picture is to be finished.
Consider the following four strategies to help you restore the art of patience.
Keep the Proper Perspective
An effective way to establish the importance of keeping the proper perspective is to ask the following question which has been asked countless times before: Imagine you are looking at a 16 ounce glass that contains eight ounces of water. How full is this glass?
If your life perspective tends to be more pessimistic and impatient, your answer is half empty.
If your life perspective tends to be more optimistic and patient, your answer is half full.
Patience allows you to see the good things, the positive things in life. It helps you see the good in any situation and to realize the value that does exist.
Keeping the proper perspective makes any situation more tolerable and it provides the patience needed to wait as the rest of the glass is being filled.
Don’t Assume
Too often what you think is what you fear the most. When a particular event or situation is off in the distance, we, as humans, have the tendency to assume the worst. We assume things will not work to plan or we will be disappointed with the results.
Assumptions lead to impatience because the lack of knowledge and uncertainty can make you feel very uncomfortable. Instead, consider the facts. Look to see if there is any history that can tell you what has happened in the past in order to provide assurances for the future.
In my marriage, I sometimes assume the periods of time when our intimacy is derailed, for whatever reason, will never get back on track again. I grow impatient and frustrated.
Even though my edgy attitude and irritation were not the obstacles to our intimacy barrier in the first place, they become the obstacle because my impatience creates such a negative feeling.
I’m learning to remind myself not to assume these dry spells are nothing more than just the realities of life getting in the way. I’m still learning not to assume the worst. Mary Beth still loves me and cares for me – we are just in a busy cycle.
When I’m able to keep these assumptions at bay, and my impatience low, the intimacy is restored in a very natural and loving way.
Show Empathy
Murphy’s Law always seems to be evoked when I have to run to the bank during a short lunch break and upon arriving in the bank’s lobby I’m greeted with a very long line of other exasperated customers.
Not only does my impatience skyrocket, but so does my frustration and anxiety. Neither is good for my health, or my mood.
Rather than focusing on an inconvenient situation, take a full step back and consider how others are reacting to the same situation. When you are the one to provide the levity; the sense of humor, and can turn something negative into something positive, you are in charge of your own level of patience associated with the situation.
Showing empathy to others also helps you to see the circumstance for what it really is, not how it appears to be or feels. Empathy allows you to refocus your energy away from the feelings of impatience and on to something much more productive for everybody.
Providing empathy for others who are becoming increasingly impatient can allow you to hear some good advice coming from your own month – you just need to remember it when it’s your turn to receive it.
Excited by the Wait
The ability to reframe a situation by looking at it from a different point-of-view is another way to restore the art of patience.
Again, is the glass half-full or half-empty? Too often we want to rush through the here and now to get to the thing we are waiting for and anticipating. But rather than dreading the wait, learn to become excited by it. The waiting can be the hardest part when we forget to keep living during this time.
Often the gap of time between when you know something is going to happen and when it actually occurs can be one of the best times for self-awareness to take place. You can learn a lot about yourself during this period.
For example, the time spent in a marriage engagement can be focused on planning how you want to spend the rest of your life. If you are waiting to lose weight and improve your overall health, you can be excited by how you are taking back some control over your life.
The journey, the waiting, may have a more significant impact than the end result. Your impatience may keep you from gaining this experience. Better patience, on the other hand, can be the ideal catalyst for growth to occur.
A renaissance in the art of patience can help to create a beautiful life.
Read more from Alex Blackwell at The BridgeMaker.com
Alex,
thanks for this post! Wonderful sentiments and important reminders, especially at this time of year. Funny that i should read this post today…I had a classic moment of STRESS in Starbucks (Times Square!) yesterday in which the power of patience was projected on to me like one of those garish billboards that surrounded my locale: I rushed into SB at 7:30pm (bad timing: Broadway shows all start at 8pm) only to find myself caught up in a line of at least 25 people. Waiting, oh so not patiently, with a growing feeling of unease — I just knew that I would be late…but I WANTED my Starbucks!–I decided to take the chance and hang in the line.
Soon enough, the man three or four people in front of me arrived at the counter and proceeded to begin rattling off a long–very long,–list of drinks and snacks that he wanted for himself, and as it turned out, about 15 people that were in line with me! The cashier, a bit overwhelmed, started moving down the line and taking all the orders for this guy and his gaggle of soon-to-be theater go-ers. When he got to me, he asked what I wanted…and I told him, "just a tall coffee, BUT I'm not with this group."
"Ok, he said, quite exasperated, "but you'll have to wait cuz all these people behind you are with this guy way up front." In that moment, I could feel the impatient blood (victim hormone?) begin racing through my body…and I had a choice: I could be a typical New Yorker and react strongly with a demand (which would have felt great but certainly pissed off everyone in front and behind me…OR I could just go with the flow.
It was a moment that happens often in NYC…but one that I've experienced just about everywhere else too: when the cup decidedly feels half-empty (in my case the coffee cup was EMPTY and not forth-coming!). I turned to the woman behind me (who could read the upset on my face) and shrugged. At that moment, she smiled at me, turned to the cashier, and said, "put his order on our list. he's with us!"
In that moment, I felt my body relax, my heart open, and the patience gene re-activate, grateful to MYSELF, for having taken a deep breath and NOT reacted, at least not openly. In short order, the guy up front realized what had happened, turned to shout down the line at me: "welcome to the family." I laughed, startled at the instant humanity available even in a long line of impatient coffee-drinkers.
Turning to the woman who had welcomed me to the line, I found myself saying, "OMG, this is Xmas-time, and we are all one!" At that, this large, well-dressed African-American soul just leaned over, smiled, and gave me a big hug. A true Starbucks moment; community born.
I not only got my coffee paid for, but wound up learning that this big group of 15 or more were all high-powered lawyers on their way to their annual Xmas theater outing. WOW! So how did this happen? Well, just as you beautifully remind us — cups half empty or half full are born of choice, in the minute-by-minute opportunities the universe (or Starbucks!) gives us to step back, breathe, be PATIENT, and allow the gift of life to flow.
Thanks again for this — I'm on my way to Starbucks again this morning…stepping lightly…and willing to wait for whatever may be in (the) store!
Jeff Hull
Alex, excellent strategies, which each human being need to learn. Patience allows us to understand clearly.
Patience, peace, calm, bliss
Rajesh
I love it when the reminder arrives at the precise moment it is needed.
This post was just what I needed, today, now. Thank you Alex.
Lisa
I find it amazing how when greeted by the impatience of others, I have a choice to make….join the impatience or create something else. Energy of all kinds loves company. And sometimes I join, sometimes I create it myself, and others I create something different.
Caroling last night on the lightrail in my hometown with a bunch of friends was a great illustration of your post Alex. As we began singing, several people on the train joined us, then others. Soon, even those who were at first resistant joined in. It was a great feeling to see actual transformation happing in a span visible to my eyes. It's not very often that we get to see directly – in time – the results of our transformation efforts.
Thank you for the reminders on paitence. And let's not forget to practice. For patience is a skill that can be learned in everyone.
Patience! A virtue, and so it is. i can tell you that having a child who becomes an adult with Autism ….well patience becomes your second name. Without patience in living with a person with Autism you would die a premature death. Autism manages to push 'all the buttons' you can possibly think of and some you wouldn't dream of! Ce la vie! 'such is life' if you are dealt these cards.
Loved your story, Jeff!
Jeff,
I'm up early today because I can't sleep. Too many things twirling around in my head. I haven't been patient with myself. This was perfect. Sigh! It's Sunday morning…I think I'll go back to bed.
A message for the times. I also enjoyed Jeff' Hull's story of the Starbucks experience. Truly our lives are a rich experience waiting to offer us more, but we miss out through our own limitations.