It was a weekend leadership workshop. The dozen or so participants were owners of small to medium sized companies, senior managers from a major corporation, and assorted others including a Catholic nun. The seminar was part of a business school’s Master of Science in Leadership program. The man who directed the program noticed that his students often failed to ask directly for what they want—not good if you desire to lead. He asked me (I was leading the workshop) to address the issue.
We sat in a circle to talk about the difficulty of asking for what you want, the whys and hows of doing so, and then I suggested that we practice. The first few people to speak asked for what you would expect.
“I want new accounts for the business.”
“I want more energy from my people.”
It was the nun’s turn. She said, “I want someone to give me a house.”
The group was stunned by the direct, specific request. It seemed very improbable: who gives houses away? It also seemed audacious and absurd!
The man who sat next to her asked why she wanted a house. She explained that she wanted to set up a shelter for mothers and children who need a temporary place to live.
He told her, “I have several houses that I need to get rid of. You can have one; two if you want them.”
The company that he worked for had purchased a property on which it intended to build a manufacturing plant. There was a row of abandoned houses along the edge of the property. He had the job of renovating and selling them. He was offering to give her one or two newly renovated houses.
For the second time in just a few minutes, the group was stunned. The exchange between the man and the nun was a dramatic demonstration of what we had talked about during our discussion: that you have a much better chance of getting what you want if you ask for it, and if you ask in a direct and specific way. Also that doing so is an indicator of strength rather than weakness: the others recognized her request as an act of courage.
Feel free to use the comment section below to ask for what you want. Be direct and specific. Nobody knows what might happen, so be open to possibilities.
P.S. I don’t have any houses to give away.
Thanks so much for this post. It could not have come at a better time.
I have been unemployed for several months now and am very unsure of the road ahead. Tonight, I plan to attend a meeting where I know of a network opportunity. I intend to introduce myself to someone and ask him for a job. I have been thinking all morning of what I was going to say and how I was going to say it.
Thanks to your post – I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to say. I'm going to ask him for an interview right out. I'll save asking for a job for the interview!
Oh great post Dick. As for what I want, I know exactly what that is. I will ask the Universe for it very directly!
I want to work with george clooney and Renee z. on a few stories that can become film scripts- I have a few treatments – or – others can be used. Doesnt matter. Whatever works and iis great. If these stories become movies they will have a charity based profit structure and generate money for causes under "not on my watch".
Maybe the production comapny will be called "magical jeep productions".
Jen — you are very welcome. Come back soon and let us know how things work out.
Tracy — go for it my friend!
Denise,
I'm looking forward to seeing the words "Magical Jeep Productions" on the beginning credits of a major film starring George Clooney and Rene Zelweiger.
What color is the jeep?
I've often felt that the identifying what you want is like going to a restaurant. How is your wish going to be fulfilled if you aren't specific about it? Isn't that a bit like sitting down at a table in silence, telling your waiter nothing and then complaining that he brought you something you didn't want?
I'd rather know exactly what I want before I ask God or the Higher Spirit in the Sky for it!
Thanks, Dick for the reminder.
Geetali — I know that in the human realm specificity about what I want is useful. I'm not so sure about that when it comes to God. I have to be careful in that realm that my specific requests don't become expectations, that I don't forget, "Thy will, not mine."