All posts by Emily Pereira

About Emily Pereira

Emily Pereira's mantra is simple: Be The Beginner and experience a freedom you never knew existed. As the Beginner you aren't supposed to know anything to begin with, so any step you take is success. With this simple yet forgotten truth, Emily awakened her once dormant creativity. In a few years time, she wrote a book, started a blog, learned to play guitar, write and sing songs, paint large canvases, and dance burlesque. to name a few. She discovered that becoming your own irresistible muse is the secret to a deeply fulfilling life, and she is on a mission to help other women access this magic living inside of them. A Spirit Nature Certified Spiritual Advocate, Gateless Writing Teacher, surfer, and yogi, Emily inspires woman all over the world to connect more deeply with their adventurous, passionate, creative, playful selves, and most importantly, know their worth. A Spirit Nature Certified Spiritual Advocate, Gateless Writing Teacher, surfer, and yogi, Emily inspires woman all over the world to connect more deeply with their adventurous, passionate, creative, playful selves, and most importantly, know their worth.

Gratitude: The Secret to an Abundant Life

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Around this time of year, when our country takes a day to offer thanks, the word gratitude gets tossed around quite a bit. But did you know that gratitude is one of your most precious super powers, that if practiced daily, will assist you in creating an incredibly abundant and deeply fulfilling life?

The thing that we must first understand is that like everything else in the universe, we each have a vibrational resonance that serves as a magnet drawing people, experiences, and inspirations of matching frequency directly to us. With gratitude being the root of all abundance, by practicing gratitude, we raise our vibrational frequency, resulting in increased energy, creativity, optimism, patience, connectivity, and even increased immune function. Continue reading

When Wisdom Comes A-Knockin’…

Knock knock

Sometimes we are cracked open without warning. Other times an unnerving anticipation builds like the click, click, click of the rollercoaster climbing up the tracks before an inevitable fall. Either way, this isn’t the romanticized, sweet pain of the movies.

This is the siren sounding, bathroom floor sobbing kind of pain that kicks us in the gut.

I’ve found that in instances like these, the only way out is in. Inside myself- underneath of the layers of blame and excuses I’ve piled on top of the truth. And if I can press pause on the “poor me” chatter playing on repeat in my mind long enough to ask myself, “Why did I create this?” immense treasures are hidden in these moments.

Many times we miss these treasures because they don’t resemble our mind’s narrow definition of what a treasure is supposed to look like.

On the heels of a very painful break up, where I was cracked open beyond anything I could imagine, I almost overlooked one of the greatest treasures of my life because it came disguised as a question I had massive resistance to answering.

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What Do You Do When Truth Knocks?

truth-smallSometimes we are cracked open without warning. Other times an unnerving anticipation builds like the click, click, click of the rollercoaster climbing up the tracks before an inevitable fall. Either way, this isn’t the romanticized, sweet pain of the movies.

This is the siren sounding, bathroom floor sobbing kind of pain that kicks us in the gut. 

I’ve found that in instances like these, the only way out is in. Inside myself- underneath of the layers of blame and excuses I’ve piled on top of the truth. And if I can press pause on the “poor me” chatter playing on repeat in my mind long enough to ask myself, “Why did I create this?” immense treasures are hidden in these moments.

Many times we miss these treasures because they don’t resemble our mind’s narrow definition of what a treasure is supposed to look like. 

On the heels of a very painful break up, where I was cracked open beyond anything I could imagine, I almost overlooked one of the greatest treasures of my life because it came disguised as a question I had massive resistance to answering.

But that did little to stop the question from badgering me – it woke me up in the middle of the night, and was patiently waiting bright eyed and bushy tailed for me each morning.

In an effort to silence it, I considered leaning on my old tricks and knocking back half a bottle of pinot grigio or buying a new spring wardrobe, but something deep inside told me that wasn’t going to work this time. No, I would have to answer the question…

“When are you going to do something that actually matters to you?” 

I’ve been successful in the corporate world for years, but let’s be real- corporate success isn’t exactly the stuff that lights the soul on fire. So I quieted my mind, dipped into into my heart, and admitted to myself that I wanted to write. And in that moment, I realized that I’d been unconsciously creating drama filled situations, (specifically in my relationships) as a way to distract myself from being confronted by this question.

Answering it meant I’d have to do something about it. But … what if it didn’t work out?

Then, I wouldn’t be able to hold it out in the future as some white washed, distant world fantasy as the thing I could always do someday.

As I gave myself the permission to just Be the Beginner, I saw a surge in my passion and ability to express myself through many different artistic forms. I learned that nothing- especially the deep burning passions that live inside of us- is random. Engaging in what lights us up inside, elevates our vibrational frequency and we become like gigantic magnetics attracting people and circumstances into our lives to aid us in the pursuit of our desires. 

When we approach each situation with the understanding that we personally created it to benefit ourselves, we allow hidden gifts and treasures to mushroom up all over our lives.

Because our thoughts and feelings are the seeds from which our external lives grow, these questions, recognitions, and revelations possess immeasurable value.

It doesn’t matter if YOUR TRUTH shows up like a flashing neon light or casually breezes by like a whisper on the wind- when it comes knocking, the only thing you need to do is LISTEN!

These treasures live deep inside you and hold the secrets to expanding your vision of self so you can come truly alive!

What is the question in your life that’s begging for an answer?

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What Do You Do When You’re Down?

Depressed“If you had just a minute to breathe and they granted you one final wish, would you ask for something like another chance?” –Traffic

 

Life is a journey with many twists and turns, switchbacks and cliffs. And even though we can intellectualize that there will be ups and downs, why is the idea of falling or failing (as some people see it) so terrifying?

Because of competition we internalize being “right,” doing things “right” as the basis of our self worth, and the very reason why anyone else would want to be with us. But to be perfectly right and do everything perfectly right means we don’t take any real risks or chances. Then there we are, toiling away at a ho-hum existence, wondering what the hell it’s all for?

As I inched closer to my late twenties I found that all the parties, work, money and vacations in the world did little to mask a very sickly feeling I couldn’t shake. It was the feeling of regret. I wasn’t even thirty and I already had regrets! Yikes! I had regret for not being true to myself and living the life that felt good for me. For years I unconsciously kept the charade of my perfect-looking life going, even to myself, and wondered why I felt dead inside, unable to see my creations were based on what I thought everyone else expected of me.

And then – because sooner or later the chickens always come home to roost – I fell far from the image of perfection I’d gotten used to portraying, and a most surprising thing happened – I landed on my feet.

Ok, I hit the ground hard and bounced a few times, before I landed on my feet. But it was then that I realized one of life’s universal truths. It doesn’t matter how many times you fall; it matters what you do when you’re down.

The single thing that allowed me to land on my feet was the willingness to change. The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. It was the willingness to let go of being “right” and “perfect” which opened me up to one of the planet’s most secret treasures – ART. I shudder sometimes remembering LBA: Life Before Art. It was a dark place, mucked up with fear, competition and apathy. If you’ve been following along for awhile, you know I didn’t believe myself to have one single creative bone in my entire body for the first 31 years of my life. But, as I bounced, I discovered not feeling creative stems from, really, really wanting to be perfect and right. The truth is creativity is an innate human quality. It is a flow of energy that courses through our bodies and needs to be expressed. When we aren’t expressing we literally don’t feel like were enough, and attempt to fill ourselves up with more stuff: more work, more lovers, more clothes, more money, and so on.

Whereas in the throws of inspiration I’ve found there is no place I’d rather be and there’s nothing I’m lacking. To express creatively means getting comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. If you can suspend your judgment and give yourself permission to be the beginner, it’s the place where your life begins. Life gets exciting when we take chances because it’s there in that vulnerable moment and the triumph over that discomfort where we expand our vision of self. It’s the place where we grow, come alive and feel inspired! It’s the place where we want to shout “Yes! This is who I am and why I’m here!”

I’d be fooling myself if I thought my path didn’t have many more impending twists and turns, and cliffs and switchbacks on the horizon, and I do get scared sometimes. But being scared and doing it anyway is my best understanding of courage. And I take comfort in knowing as long as I have the ability to evolve, adapt and be the beginner I’ll continue to land on my feet.

Are you in mid-fall? Bounce? Or have you landed for the moment?

Navigate Beyond Fear by Finding Safety in the Moment

amazing-sky-amazing-sky-moon-clouds-1400x1050If you’re above the age of – let’s say six – then chances are you are well versed in life’s ability to throw a swift curve ball at the worst possible moment. Perhaps you’ve discovered what I have: at times those curve balls oddly resemble cruise missiles. When something blows up in your life and compromises your work, your love, and your beautiful plans, it’s common to want to immediately go into disaster control. And while what I’m about to share may feel counter-intuitive, in many cases, it’s the best thing you can do.

Nothing.

Doing nothing allows you time to process whatever emotions are coming up for you, and get clear on how you feel about your situation. If this means watching 17 episodes of Nashville in a row, eating ice cream for dinner and sobbing yourself to sleep, that’s what it means. Eventually, when you emerge from the wreckage- maybe after a day, maybe a week, or longer, you will need a plan. But often times things aren’t clear yet, and even the best options available seem terrifying or bleak at best.

In times like these, I’ve found the most effective thing to do is remind myself: I am safe in this moment.

Opposed to the gravity of whatever you may be going through, this mantra may seem ridiculously simple, but I assure you it’s your most powerful ally against fear, because 99.9% of the time it’s true.

Fear can feel very real, paralyze us, debilitate us and rob us of our happiness. To get beyond it, you may need to say this mantra ten, fifty, or one hundred times a day. But the more you say it, the more you will remember that you are actually OK, and things will begin to shift. Recognizing you are safe in the moment allows you to be the eye of the hurricane, and actually ensures your safety and well being for the future. Your vibration today dictates your tomorrows.

YOU ARE SAFE IN THIS MOMENT.

7 Ways to Let Go and Watch Your Life Flourish

if it makes you fly...

By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. -Lao Tzu

So often we think we need more to be happy, when in actuality we just need to let go of limiting beliefs and erroneous understandings. The following are 7 things you can let go of right now that are part of my continual practice, which I know yield significant results!

1. Let go of living your life for your parents.

From a very young age we seek approval and acceptance from our parents because generally we’d be rewarded if we did what they pleased. As we grow the stakes become higher. If we aren’t careful we end up living our entire lives by our parents expectations without ever understanding what it truly means to be ourselves. Performance is exhausting, and when you are performing you are out of affinity with yourself. Authentic people are happy because life becomes an effortless expression of who they are. Let go of what your parents want for you, and unapologetically be your authentic self.

2. Let go of negativity.

Every single word that leaves your lips has an energy vibration attached to it, and what you put out to the universe comes back to you. We unconsciously complain about insignificant things like the weather, traffic, a plane delay, with no understanding we humans are gigantic energy systems generating a vibration that serves as a magnet drawing things of matching frequency to us. Life is in your mind. Detox yourself from your negative talk, and watch your perspective of the world around you change.

3. Let go of the need be right.

It seems like “being right” has a dynamo PR team spinning the virtues of being right, with promises of love, riches and security in heaping measures to the extent that the idea of being wrong has become so horribly unacceptable. The reality is the need to constantly be right is an external sign that something is very not right on the inside. The need to be stubbornly right is an attempt to control things, which stems from deep fear and non-trust of you. The next time you find yourself going toe-to-toe with someone ask yourself, do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?

4. Let go of judgments.

Judgments are the killer of creativity, and consciousness, yet we judge all the time. We have a very finite understanding of what is right or wrong and we criticize and judge people for being different, and ourselves for not being good enough. If we can take a step back and recognize that 99%of people simply operating off the information they’ve been given, we grow into greater compassion and acceptance. It doesn’t mean we have to agree with them, it just means we see the bigger picture. After all, with all the diverse displays of creation, destruction, action and reaction on planet – as messed up as it seems sometimes – we’re all just trying to be OK. Let go of your judgments, and discover how much happier you’ll be.

5. Let go of your excuses.

I wasted years of my life with excuses! “It’s not the right time, I need some training, I’m not sure…blah, blah, blah.”

Excuses are nothing more than fear of failure. The most effective way I know to neutralize these fears is to simply be the beginner. The moment is NOW. Set a photo directive and start before you’re ready! You and your trusty pal, Google, can figure it out together. There is boldness in action, and when you take action it’s like sending a flare signal to the universe attracting all that you need right to you! Get going!

6. Let go of the past.

The past. Everyone’s got one. Sometimes we run from it and other times we glorify it, but either way it’s like dead weight shackled to our leg. It happened; it hurt, but now what are you going to do about it? You have a choice. When we stay resentful and focused to the past, we carry a victim (poor me) vibration that makes it very difficult to create what we want. When we let go of it and recognize that every single past event led us to here, where we are gaining consciousness to create a life of our dreams, we vibrate in gratitude – which is a spiritual superpower. Let go and claim your power!

7. Let go of externalizing your love.

This is tricky business, my friends, and one I can’t claim to have completely figured out yet. However I know from the spiritual teachers with whom I personally work that it is possible, and they are exponentially happier because of it. To externalize our love means we’ve made something outside of ourselves the reason for our happiness, and therefore we’ve become dependent on it. This dependency on externals is bound to create unhappiness, because nothing in life is constant and things – whether we want them to or not – will change. To let go of this means if our love, dog, home, money, etc. were to disappear, we would still be OK. It means understanding the true source of love and security comes from within, and is not dependent on that which is external to us. This is the unshakable belief to which I am inching closer, but let’s face it…still have quite a ways to go!

Be the Author of Your Own Life Story

Too young and eager to die from H1N1As a youngster I never felt young. I remember teenagers and adults speaking freely in my presence under the pretext that my seven-year-old psyche was much too naïve to understand such grownup subjects. I let them believe that, but I didn’t miss a thing. Quickly learning straight A’s said I was smart, being athletic meant I was popular, and hanging with the boys made me cool. As I got older, I equated partying with fun, money with success, and a sparkler on an all-important finger with security.

Despite my quick-witted, adventurous, yoga sculpted, high-kickin’ and high-falutin’ life, I repeatedly found myself in a pool of tears on the floor of the beachfront home I shared with my Internet pioneer boyfriend.

In my limited scope of consciousness, I blamed my man. Obviously he wasn’t doing enough for me… for us. This prompted a stubborn case of the “when we’s”, that ruthlessly hijacked me from the present moment. When he stops working so much, then we’ll be happy. When we stop partying so much, then we’ll be happy; when we get engaged, then we’ll be happy. After all, didn’t I have all of the other ingredients that are supposed to create a happy life?

It wasn’t until years after we went our separate ways that I recognized the real source of my sadness. I’d been unconsciously following a script based on the messages I’d soaked up from the fabric around me, and internalized them as my own. Turns out, I wasn’t as savvy as my seven year-old self would have you believe.

My narrow script left little room for creative risks because taking chances might expose my character as not being the image of perfection I was used to portraying. Of course I had no idea I was doing any of this; I just assumed the creative gene had unceremoniously passed me by. So instead, I partied. And believed myself to be a rebel in doing so, unable to grasp that real rebels don’t escape. They seek truth, and challenge the status quo with the audacity of the truth they’ve uncovered. Rebels walk the walk of the change they wish to see in the world, despite how uncomfortable it may be.

Rather than cultivate my own unique genius and inner beliefs, the competition element in my script attracted me to the smartest, most athletic, most successful alpha male. It read: basking in his glow, girl feels secure. Vulnerability, gratitude and authenticity weren’t traits that had been written into my part, which made fulfillment for much of anything nearly impossible. Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I got along at all with that befuddled script.

As I panned out to a much wider view of reality, I was able to see that while I didn’t necessarily write the script, I’d followed it blindly for years. By identifying the illusions that caused pain, I was able to let go, and open my mind and heart to the possibly of creating a new script. With the understanding that life is merely a reflection of our inner thoughts, I awakened to new information and aligned with spiritual truths. As I did the inner work, I watched in amazement as my life transformed into an vibrant expression of gratitude, acceptance, creative passion and wonder.

When More is Never Enough: My Triumph Over Addiction

200559715-002Food, work, the internet, caffeine, booze, exercise, shopping, lovers… many of us grapple with addiction in some way. Many commonly ascribe genetics to addiction, but it’s actually a complex spiritual condition stemming from unresolved emotional pain. Regardless of whether it is pain originating in childhood, or another lifetime, unresolved pain shows up on the physical plane as a voracious appetite for more. To constantly need something outside of ourselves to be OK is a very legitimate state of dis-ease.

Addiction comes in many shades, and while I (maybe) didn’t look like a person who was suffering from addiction, I, too, used to be trapped in the insatiable cycle of more – that never seemed to be enough. I was young and fit, but it wasn’t enough. I had a good job and a boyfriend, but it wasn’t enough. I had a closet full of designer clothes and a home on the beach, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know what was missing exactly, but I still felt like I needed something more, and then I’d be happy.

The belief that more money, more work, more accolades, more food, more alcohol, more clothes, more concerts, more lovers – whatever it may be – will make us whole/better/happier is an indicator that we are in emotional pain. With this corrupted thinking, we believe we are not enough just as we are, making it very difficult to value ourselves. If we can’t value ourselves, it makes it very difficult to value anything thing else we create.

On the spiritual plane, when we’re in emotional pain, we go “out-of-body” as spirit. You may be familiar with going out-of-body from instances when you are driving and suddenly you realize you have no memory of the road you’ve traveled down for the past twenty minutes. Where did you go? If you weren’t there, who was driving the car?

Every spirit creating through physical form is innately a trans-dimensional creator, meaning we go in and out-of-body many times throughout our day. What people call “spacing out” is more accurately understood as “going out” of our physical form. When we are struggling with emotional pain, we go out-of-body more frequently because we are living in a pain body and it doesn’t feel comfortable to be in-body. What’s more, we go out-of-body to a greater degree when we ingest drugs or alcohol. You may recognize how people you know seem to have different personalities (alter egos) when they’ve ingested drugs or alcohol. This is because going out-of-body leaves our bodies open to a number of spirits who then direct through us. Just as if you were to leave your house with the door wide open, lights on, and the music blasting, some people might take up residence in your home and party down while you’re gone- the same goes for your physical form.

In other words, the sensation of lacking control, otherwise known as addiction, is a result of literally not being in-body enough to maintain ownership of your body; therefore multiple spirits direct through you, making it feel like you have an insatiable appetite for more. These spiritual dynamics – compounded with the inability to value ourselves – prompts us to feel like we need even more, sending the cycle of compulsion spinning round ‘n round and making it nearly impossible to sit still and even enjoy the present moment. As we heal old emotional pain, and cultivate our own personal self worth, it becomes easier to be in-body and present in our lives a greater percentage of the time.

Despite the our society’s vague promise that net worth equates to self worth, I discovered that the real seeds to self worth – and ultimately a much happier life – are Dollars funnel.authenticity, vulnerability and integrity. Probably much to my parents’ dismay, these weren’t attributes I emerged with from childhood. I was pretending on the pretending and I didn’t even know I was pretending. Most people don’t. They just know they want more.

So how does one go about cultivating authenticity, vulnerability and integrity?

Authenticity means being true to yourself. Not going with the crowd just because that’s the easiest way to win approval and acceptance. Taking time to truly find what lights you up inside, and not just doing what you think is expected of you from your parents, teachers, and friends. It means making hard and sometimes unpopular choices, but if you find the courage deep inside of you to do so, you’ll find the authenticity, and power, you never knew you didn’t have.

Vulnerability means expressing the full rainbow of emotions we human beings are capable of feeling, rather than just portraying a picture perfect veneer. Only when we are truly honest with others about who we really are, and what we’re experiencing, can we share a genuine heart connection. If you are being validated for an image of perfection you portray, your performance is being validated, not your authentic self; therefore, you don’t feel seen or loved.

One of the most effective ways I’ve found to get comfortable being vulnerable is to create art of any form. Art is effective in drawing out our vulnerabilities because in order to access our creativity, we must suspend our judgment, and let go of fears of what other people might say or think of us. In creating (paintings, music, writing, acting, dance) you are removing the mask you may not even know you hide behind. The more I did this, the more comfortable I got feeling exposed, and discovered in the midst of creative passion, the tell-tale signs of being in body – hot hands and feet, heightened concentration, and unabashed enthusiasm – appeared and I found myself relishing the elusive, present moment. In the throws of inspiration, there was no place I’d rather be, and the last thing I needed was more.

Integrity is being honest with yourself and others. It means telling the truth, and following through with what you’ve committed to do. Integrity is the willingness to apologize when you’re wrong and pave the way for forgiveness. A common saying amongst people healing from addiction is “you are only as sick as your secrets.” Integrity means telling the truth – even when it’s uncomfortable – even when it can get you in trouble. I grew up stretching and bending the truth because I pushed and rebelled, and when I got caught, I didn’t want to get in trouble. Sure I escaped being punished, but years later, in a never-ending quest for more, I found myself in a different kind of trouble. I had fear and shame (emotional pain) and as a result I was “out of body” and on the never-ending quest for more.

I finally resolved to tell the truth, even if my voice shakes. I committed to show up and follow through with what I set out to do; I began creating art, making music and writing. As I cultivated my authenticity, vulnerability, and integrity, I started to experience a contentment I’d never known before, and was surprised to see my addictions lose their grip on me. I still work, eat, shop, drink, love, and of course use the internet, but none of these things dictate my days or nights and rather than feeling like it’s not enough, I feel gratitude for my life and what I’ve created.

I now know the aforementioned practices were immensely powerful because they served as building blocks for what I now know as self worth. While there are certainly many different pathways to healing from addiction, I’ve found it cowers in the face of true self-worth. I realized this one day, when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and felt sincere love and respect for the woman staring back at me, and it felt really good to be in her body.

The Secret to Unleashing Your Creative Potential

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few.” -Shunryu Suzuki

Would you believe me if I told you that you’re a wildly creative person? That it doesn’t matter if you’ve never picked up a paintbrush, written a verse, or played a song. Just like breathing, creativity is a quality inherent to being human.

I get it. You just don’t feel creative, or maybe you know it’s there, but you feel blocked. I understand because I didn’t think I had a creative bone in my body for the first 31 years of my life. It wasn’t until I realized I was waging an unconscious war on my creative self that was as able to get in touch with my own unique creative genius.

The problem is perfect. Perfect is narrow; it’s stagnant. Perfect keeps us playing small. Perfect stalls us in our skin, preventing us from engaging in something that might expose us to others as not being, well, perfect. Perfect hijacks our ability to appreciate the present moment as we continually strive to be something we aren’t.

Perfection – while a constant on the glossy pages of magazines – is actually an illusion. Nothing in the natural world is perfect; a snowflake isn’t perfectly symmetrical, a tree doesn’t grow perfectly straight, and human beings aren’t perfect either.

Whether we are conscious of it or not, seeking approval and acceptance from others is an unavoidable side effect of our competition-centric society. While many wax about the benefits of competition creating innovation and moving society forward, the idea that we will be judged for our creations is potent enough to stop many of us from pursuing that one thing that will deliver us the most joy.

For years I had no idea I was trapped in the perfection performance of life – making my choices based on what others would think of me. I felt apathetic about engaging in creative pursuits, telling myself I didn’t have time, or I’d get to it – one day. As I peeled back the layers of my unconsciousness, I came to understand that my fear stemmed from the illusion that only if I was perfect then I’d be worthy of approval, acceptance, and ultimately love and joy.

While in theory it sounds great to pop a pill and suddenly be an expert at guitar or be fluent in another language overnight, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Life is messy; it’s a process. When we forgo the process, we squander opportunities for vulnerability and authenticity – the very qualities that allow us to develop genuine self worth, self-love, and joy.

However, there is a way to reverse this war you’re waging on your creative self. It’s so very simple you might want to brush it aside with thoughts of jamming on a guitar around the campfire, or writing that story humming through your mind. But if you listen closely and take it to heart, you will unleash a powerful passion to create, and in turn create space to relish in the ever-elusive present moment.

All you need to do is: be the beginner. The beginner isn’t expected to know a damn thing, so the beginner never fails.

As children we were beginners in everything we did, and our creativity soared. Studies show that 5-year-old children operate with 80% of their creativity, but by the time they reach twelve, it decreases to 2%.

When I awakened to the reality that it was actually fear of failure masquerading as apathy, I gave myself permission to just be the beginner and create. What started with writing took on the form of a snowball quickly gaining momentum on a steep mountain, and soon I found myself enthused to learn guitar, write music, and sing. Letting go of perfect inspired me to build an art studio in my home for painting and begin jazz dance classes. Most of all letting go of perfect has allowed me to grow into the woman I sensed was hiding deep inside of me; the woman I was quietly destroying with my fear of not being perfect enough.

Be. The. Beginner. And watch the passion create infuse your life with inspiration and joy!

Who Knows How To Make Love Stay?

1206131983ikx95fp“Who knows how to make love stay?”  Tom Robbins famously asks in Still Life With Woodpecker.

At the beginning of a relationship, when we’re falling in love, there is a copious amount of magic that’s present. It pervades every crevice of our existence, making life’s tedious tasks and obligations come alive in a vibrant rush of passion.

Then, one day, without any warning it’s gone. Just as effortlessly as it appeared, it flitters off in the night sky with no mention of where it’s heading or if it has any plans to return. We retrace steps wondering, is there is anything we could’ve done differently?

With the absence of that once gratuitous passion, we begin to steal glances outside our partnership. Maybe there’s something better? Maybe there’s someone better?

While the friendship may still be in tack, that hit of magic, and the lure of passion is so enticing it trumps the once devoted promises of love, family, and shared dreams.

Is this really the nature of love – so fleeting in its rewards, and so unapologetic in its’ farewell?

The short answer is no. At least I don’t think so. It’s the illusions, we hold about love, that cause us to hit the road in search of that alluring magic that makes us feel alive once again. We think that passion is something outside of ourselves- something we can possess, experience or hold. We take for granted that it will just spontaneously reproduce on it’s own, ignorant to the understanding that if we aren’t generating passion for our own creations, how could we ever expect it to be present in our partnership? After all, even a romantic relationship is nothing more than the sum of its individual parts.

I too used to hold these very illusions. I devoted many years supporting a past boyfriend pursue his passion, believing his dreams were big enough for the two of us. As the sparkles evaporated from our relationship, I fought like hell to get them back; completely oblivious to the fact I was guilty of not bringing my share to the party.

The simple truth is we are the single biggest generators of passion and magic for our relationships, but there is some fine print: we must create it for ourselves on an individual level first.

Just as if a group of friends were to arrive at a potluck empty handed, there would nothing to feast on; cultivating a relationship with no inspiration to share leaves the relationship craving more. But we misidentify this more as something out there instead in our hearts where the roots of passion lay.

When we discover and pursue that unique thing that light us up inside, and we begin to understand the very reason and purpose that we’re on the planet, we become super conductors of passion and magic, bringing these precious elements into every relationship an experience we create.

Life is a journey, a process, and hopefully a passion. There are no guarantees. But if you take the time to turn inward and cultivate what lights you up individually – to discover what makes you come alive – then at least you are doing your part to make love stay. If love still doesn’t stay in the relationship, (you can only be accountable for the inspiration and passion you personally contribute) your love will stay within you. And like a gigantic magnet, you’ll attract love wherever your path leads you.

 

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