All posts by loveologyu

About loveologyu

Launching Loveology University® is one of my dreams come true because I believe we teach what we need to learn the most. Raised in a repressed environment without positive life or love lessons from parents or peers, my main goal was to help make the world a better place by empowering people to overcome sexual guilt and shame. I established Love U in order to share the vast knowledge I have gained in the last fifteen years offering students a wealth of information on love, relationships, intimacy and sex they may otherwise not have access to. At Love U, you can become certified as a Loveologist and Love Coach, a Master Sexpert or choose from dozens of other certified courses.

In the last ten years, I have written seven books and lectured worldwide, appeared on hundreds of notable TV shows as an expert and contribute to myriad of magazines who solicit my advice on a regular basis. I maintain a private practice in Los Angeles where I help clients with love, relationship and sexual issues. I address concerns varying from communication problems, performance anxiety, infidelity, sexual compulsion, inability to orgasm to parental concerns.

In summary, I continue to dedicate my life to helping individuals, creating programs and products to promote the benefits of healthy love, relationships, intimacy and sex around the globe as I continue to study and collaborate with therapists, social workers, doctors and scientists on a daily basis to pursue quality and distinction in my career.

Future Plans: To exemplify the value of love and make a significant impact on the human race. To train millions of Love Coaches so they can help people to have healthy relationships and change the vibration of this planet.

Visit Loveology University to Learn More -

https://www.loveologyuniversity.com/

 

The Laws of Attraction

Why are we attracted to different people?  Are we attracted to people similar to us or do opposites attract?  I used to believe that opposites attract and I never wanted to date someone too similar to me because I yearned to learn and teach my partner new things.  I wanted to enjoy the challenge of having debates about his philosophies versus mine.  However, with wisdom, I now realize that there is less conflict in being with someone who has similar interests and values, which can result in a more harmonious long-term relationship.  But there is no denying that what attracts us the most is someone who makes us feel good about ourselves when we are with them!

In Bryne’s Law of Attraction, Bryne observed that attraction is affected by rewards (or reinforcements) and punishers.  When we hang out with people, they can either give us rewards or punishers.  People who give us a lot of positive feedback and make us feel good about ourselves are giving us rewards.  It is fun and exciting to spend time with them and the rewards strengthen or reinforce our love for them.  Some people, however, make us feel bad by putting us down or arguing with us a lot.  This creates a punishing environment that is not rewarding or fun to be in.  Therefore, Bryne’s theory of attraction suggests that we are attracted to those who give us rewards and make us feel good about ourselves.  If you have a friend or partner who always makes you feel good, you will want to see them more because you will anticipate the rewards and good feelings.  Many times, people we find rewarding to spend time with are people who are similar to us and share views that are similar to ours.

Psychologist Eva C. Klohnen, Ph.D. and graduate student Shanhong Luo, M.A. of the University of Iowa looked at an assortment of mating issues (mating based on similar or opposite characteristics) among 291 newlyweds who had participated in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project.  The newlyweds had been married less than a year at the time the study began and had dated each other for an average of three and a half years.  The couples were assessed on a broad range of personality characteristics, attitudes, and relationship quality indicators.

Results show that couples were highly similar on attitudes and values; however, they had little or no above-chance similarity on personality-related domains such as attachment, extraversion, conscientiousness, and positive or negative emotions.  There is no evidence that opposites attract.  What is most intriguing is that when the researchers assessed marital quality and happiness, they found that personality similarity was related to marital satisfaction, but attitude similarity was not.

“People may be attracted to those who have similar attitudes, values, and beliefs and even marry them – at least in part – on the basis of this similarity because attitudes are highly visible and salient characteristics, and they are fundamental to the way people lead their lives,” explain the authors.  Personality-related characteristics, on the other hand, take much longer to be known and to be accurately perceived and are not likely to play a more substantial role until later in the relationship, they add.

“However, once people are in a committed relationship, it is primarily personality similarity that influences marital happiness because being in a committed relationship entails regular interaction and requires extensive coordination in dealing with tasks, issues, and problems of daily living.  Whereas personality similarity is likely to facilitate this process, personality differences may result in more friction and conflict in daily life,” say the authors.  “As far as attitudes are concerned, people who chose to marry each other should be well aware of how similar or different they are on these domains because attitudes are very visible and salient.  This suggests that attitudinal and value differences, when they exist, are part of a conscious decision to stay together on the basis of other important considerations,” according to Luo and Klohnen.

Given that their research indicates that similarity in attitudes and values may play a different role in relationship development than does personality similarity, Luo and Klohnen suggest that future research should examine how similarity in different domains are related to relationship outcomes for couples in earlier and later stages of relationship development.

So do people tend to select romantic partners that are similar to them or opposite to them?  And does spouse similarity lead to marital happiness?  The researchers at the University of Iowa find that people tend to marry those who are similar in attitudes, religion and values.  However, it is similarity in personality that appears to be more important in having a happy marriage.

Originally published in 2010


How to Talk to Children About Love and Sex

We teach children to read and we expect them to read. We teach them about numbers and we expect them to be able to do mathematical equations. So then how can we not teach our kids about human sexuality and still expect them to make sensible love and relationship decisions? Some societies say that sex education will cause more pregnancy, but drivers’ education certainly doesn’t cause more accidents, does it?

The wonderful thing about explaining sex to kids is that you usually don’t have to bring up the subject. It comes up on its own. Whether they see a couple kissing, a pregnant woman or dogs mating, opportunities abound to make talking about sex a normal and natural part of growing up. Be the first to discuss love and sex in a positive context. If you don’t start talking to your kids early, it’s not going to take any time at all before they think they know more than you. Then, don’t count on them listening.

As parents, you need to be their mentors. So, you must be well versed on sexuality. As humans, our sexuality is the second basic instinct after survival, and we start our sexual journey from a very early age. Below are four sexual developmental stages that we all go through. As parents, it is important for you to familiarize yourself with these so that you can communicate better with your children.

Infants:

  • Experience oral exploration and gratification
  • Develop an awareness of their body parts, including the genitals
  • Develop a sense of trust.

Toddlers:

  • Master control over elimination (weeing and pooing)
  • Become aware of our body parts and sex differences
  • Develop an interest in family relationships and sex roles

Pre-schoolers:

  • Identify with the parent of the same sex
  • Experiment in innocent sex play
  • Can run around the house naked and feel no shame

Children and early teens:

  • Develop an intense curiosity about sexuality
  • Participate in same-sex play activities
  • Keep their sexual thoughts to ourselves
  • Enjoy jokes and songs with sexual content.

You should also discuss the various physical changes and how they can affect your child’s emotions, preferably before they occur. Here is a list of physical changes that children go through and need to be prepared for with your help:

  • Erections
  • Masturbation
  • Wet Dreams
  • Lubrication
  • Pubic Hair
  • Breast Development
  • Menstruation
  • Ovulation
  • Ejaculation
  • Orgasm
  • Acne

Do you remember how some of the above made you feel emotionally? Sharing your own experiences with your child can be very reassuring for them. What is love? – How can you define love to a child? Here are some definitions…

1. Love is from Old English lufu, ‘to desire’ and Latin lubere, ‘to please’.

2. Love is a deep feeling of affection.

3. In Buddhism Love is wanting others to be happy

4. Love is a circle that begins with children and ends with grandparents. It creates, feeds, guides and helps children grow so that they can become like mommy and daddy (explanation for toddlers).

5. Love can be different for everyone, but comes from the same special place…the heart. And that is why people draw hearts when they speak of Love (for young kids).

6. Giving & receiving love is the meaning of life! (adults) Now come up with your own definition of what love is for toddlers, kids and teens.

This is an excerpt from The Loveologist Guide to Parental Concerns by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward

How To Overcome Inhibitions and Revel in Sexual Intimacy

I have traveled all over the world to lecture on love, relationships, romance and sexuality and one of the universal similarities we all have in common are inhibitions. They are self-imposed restrictions on one’s behavior and they come from our subconscious mind. Our mind is predisposed to the way we were raised so it’s not surprising that many people have inhibitions based upon negative influences, repression and societal restraints on sexual behavior.

For example, many women suffer from the “good girl syndrome” because they were taught that only “bad girls” will do a striptease for their lover, masturbate, give oral, have anal or even initiate sex when they want it. Women are often raised with shame and guilt about their body so they are inhibited about the size or shape of their breasts, the look and smell of their vagina, losing control during orgasm and of course asking for what they want in bed.

Male inhibitions are different but can be just as unhealthy. For example, many men were taught not to show their feelings because it’s a sign of weakness. Men are inhibited about the size of their penis because they’ve been taught that size does matter, some men think that a woman’s vagina should smell like spring flowers or autumn rain, men hate asking for directions so why would they ever ask their lover what pleases them? Apparently a man should know what a woman wants and so the list of inhibitions goes on.

It’s no wonder so many couples are sexually frustrated. If you can’t talk about what turns you on, then you can’t expect your lover to read your mind. After all, you wouldn’t dream of not telling a waiter how you like your steak cooked because you don’t want to ruin a good piece of meat, then why would you risk the demise of a good relationship by not talking about what you want in bed?

The best solution that I’ve found for overcoming any inhibition is to simply face it. It is my belief that you will always have regrets if you don’t overcome obstacles. A life with regrets is a life that has not fully been realized, experienced and enjoyed. If you can shed your inhibitions with the one you love, you will find a much stronger connection in your relationship. On the same note, if you can shed your inhibitions with yourself, you will have the opportunity to discover and explore parts of you that you may never have known existed.

Breaking Down the Walls
Becoming totally open and aware of your likes and dislikes is the first step to breaking down inhibition walls that may be standing in your way of experiencing complete intimate gratification. It can also help you to trust yourself and others on a level that maybe you have never imagined. When you know yourself and feel confident in what you expect of yourself and others, doors you may have never even known were there can open. Once new doors open, you then have more choices and the opportunity to expand your personal
horizons.

Every day we wake up and most of us have a daily routine that we are used to and essentially play out as if it were the script to our life. Although this script has become our comfort zone, is one that we have memorized and followed, when we are engrossed in that routine it can pigeonhole us and in some cases rob us of a life filled with adventure, intrigue, and experience. Part of discovering and releasing inhibitions can offer an opportunity for to veer off that beaten path and just for a while escape from an everyday
redundant routine. This is your chance to write your own script through direct knowledge of what makes you feel happy and excited. Break down the walls of predictability, make some positive changes and empower yourself because you are in control.

Boundaries
Boundaries empower us to determine how we’ll be treated by others so define your sexual and emotional boundaries by limiting what is safe and appropriate for you sexually and emotionally. For example, a sexual boundary could be that you don’t have intercourse on a first date and you never have intercourse without a condom. An emotional boundary could be that you never say, “I love you” to someone unless you really mean it. Boundaries also include who we interact with sexually and the consequences of that interaction both of which are your choices. Having boundaries can bring order to our lives and as we have a clear vision of our boundaries we can overcome our inhibitions too.

Just like inhibitions, boundaries are formed early on and we learn about them by the way that we are treated. We can teach our boundaries to others by refusing to hug someone, refusing to go all the way sexually or refusing to be emotionally abused by someone who is calling us names and being disrespectful. Once you allow someone to step over your personal boundaries, this is called boundary violation and it can become an endless cycle of emotional and physical pain. Consequently, I encourage everyone to set their own boundaries through self-awareness and knowledge. Here are some tips on how to accomplish that:

  • Be aware of what arouses you
  • Be knowledgeable about your body and its biological changes
  • Give yourself permission to surrender to pleasure because you are worthy of it
  • Take responsibility for your own orgasm; don’t expect someone to give it to you
  • Share your sexual turn ons with your lover
  • Communicate your wants, needs, desires and fears with your lover
  • Share your fantasies with your lover

This is an excerpt from The Loveologist Guide to Inhibitions by Dr. Ava Cadell. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life.

photo by: charliehey

The Loveologist Guide To Understand Cheating by Ava Cadell








This book does not judge or condone cheating, but rather it explores the cheating  triangle (those who cheat, those who have been cheated on and secret lovers.) You will find out how what motivates younger cheaters, middle-aged cheaters and older cheaters. Moreover, we’ll tell you the top 10 reasons why men cheat as well as the key conditions that cause women to cheat. Finally, this book is packed with ammunition on how to Catch a Cheater as well as the Do’s and Don’ts for what to do when you find out your partner has cheated on you. It also contains step-by-step solutions that can turn a cheating heart into a loving faithful heart. There are plenty of tips to juice up your relationship that can ultimately prevent your partner from cheating.

This is an excerpt from The Loveologist Guide to Cheating by De. Ava Cadell. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life. For more information on cheating, see this page.

 

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Whether you are breaking up from a relationship or going through a divorce it’s inevitable that you will feel emotional pain.  The following seven steps are the most effective way to recover, heal, raise your self-esteem, and move on with your life in a positive and productive manner.

  1. Accept that the relationship is over.
  2. Learn lessons from your past experiences.  Write down what have you learned about yourself and what you would do differently.  This is important because you don’t want to repeat negative patterns.  Relationships end when they are supposed to.  There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
  3. Do not mourn your break-up, blame or punish yourself.  Instead, recognize and list all the wonderful qualities that you have to offer someone; acknowledge your accomplishments, big and small.
  4. Take a gratitude moment every day for all the good things in your life.
  5. The best revenge is “Happiness” so make a commitment to do at least three things that make you happy every day.  Reward yourself!  You are valuable and if you treat yourself as a valuable person, so will others.
  6. Imagine that you are “Ten Times Bolder” than you were before, take risks and don’t miss out on opportunities.  Have no regrets.
  7. Celebrate the beginning of a new phase in your life with a positive attitude.

Don’t shut love out by saying "It’s impossible to find."  The quickest way to receive love is to give it.  For more guidance on how to recover from breakups, heal and move on to finding your soul mate, read The 12 Steps to Everlasting Love. To find this, and other resources, please visit The Loveology University Bookstore.

Building a Relationship Based on Everlasting Love

Love is a give-give proposition, and everlasting love becomes 100% give on each side. The nature of love is to pour out, it wants to give. Love is being flexible.

Couples who have achieved everlasting love don’t tuck each other away in an ivory tower until it is convenient to be together. I know of one sad pair who only made love at 4 o’clock on Sunday afternoons because it suited one spouse’s schedule. Do you think they stayed together? Eventually one began to play around on the other until it looked as though infidelity broke up their marriage. When two people are bound by everlasting love, they care enough to consider each other’s needs and bend a little. To paraphrase a well-known allegory, the trees that can bow with the strongest breeze will survive any storm.

Love is not handed to you on a silver platter. It is not automatic. If it were, it wouldn’t be love. The very
nature of love is that we grow into it. Love has a high value because it is an investment. Love is not to be taken for granted. All too many couples give up trying when they have won each other; that’s the very time
to continue courting in new ways. Love is a precious gift that we earn, and anything we earn is all the more dear to us. You would not take a new car for granted; no, you keep up the maintenance for as long as the car lasts. Your everlasting love will need the same upkeep if you don’t want to lose it.

Love is not a fleeting moment. It is not something you have one day and lose the next. We quest so for love because of its enduring quality and its ability to grow if nourished.

This is an excerpt from Twelve Steps to Everlasting Love by Ava Cadell, PhD. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life.

How to Find the G-Spot

Playfully referred to as the “great-spot,” the “glory-spot” and the “go-ahead-spot,” the G-spot area was first identified by gynecologist Ernest Grafenberg who published results about sexual pleasure being derived from the urethra.  The G-spot area is located inside the woman’s vagina, about a third of the way in-between the vaginal opening and the cervix. It’s somewhere between 1.5 to 3 inches inside the vagina on the upper wall so imagine a small clock inside the vagina and you’ll find the G-spot between 11 and 1 o’clock (with 12:00 pointing towards the navel).

It has a ridged texture to it and responds to gentle stroking.  The G-spot is also known as the female prostate gland, and unlike the male prostate gland, which has only two ducts, the G-spot has over 32 much smaller ducts.  In many women, once properly stimulated, the G-spot can provide a very powerful orgasm. 

Some women claim that stimulation of the G-spot can produce a longer, deeper, more powerful orgasm than a clitoral orgasm.  The clitoral orgasm is felt like a release of tension in the genitals while the G-spot orgasm is felt throughout the body with more physical and emotional release.  The G-spot also requires slower stimulation than the clitoris.

Read the rest of this article here: How to Find the G-Spot The Loveology University Website where you’ll find free articles, a bookstore, and a wealth of courses you can take all aimed at helping you have richer, more fulfilling sexual relationships.

What Are Your Sexual Inhibitions and Boundaries?

Breaking Down the Walls

Becoming totally open and aware of your likes and dislikes is the first step to breaking down inhibition walls that may be standing in your way of experiencing complete intimate gratification. It can also help you to trust yourself and others on a level that maybe you have never imagined. When you know yourself and feel confident in what you expect of yourself and others, doors you may have never even known were there can open. Once new doors open, you then have more choices and the opportunity to expand your personal
horizons.

Everyday we wake up and most of us have a daily routine that we are used to and essentially play out as if it were the script to our life. Although this script has become our comfort zone, is one that we have memorized and followed, when we are engrossed in that routine it can pigeonhole us and in some cases rob us of a life filled with adventure, intrigue, and experience. Part of discovering and releasing inhibitions can offer an opportunity for to veer off that beaten path and just for a while escape from an everyday redundant routine. This is your chance to write your own script through direct knowledge of what makes you feel happy and excited. Break down the walls of predictability, make some positive changes and empower yourself because you are in control.

Boundaries

Boundaries empower us to determine how we’ll be treated by others so define your sexual and emotional boundaries by limiting what is safe and appropriate for you sexually and emotionally. For example, a sexual boundary could be that you don’t have intercourse on a first date and you never have intercourse without a condom. An emotional boundary could be that you never say, “I love you” to someone unless you really mean it. Boundaries also include who we interact with sexually and the consequences of that interaction both of which are your choices. Having boundaries can bring order to our lives and as we have a clear vision of our boundaries we can overcome our inhibitions too.

Just like inhibitions, boundaries are formed early on and we learn about them by the way that we are treated. We can teach our boundaries to others by refusing to hug someone, refusing to go all the way sexually or refusing to be emotionally abused by someone who is calling us names and being disrespectful. Once you allow someone to step over your personal boundaries, this is called boundary violation and it can become an endless cycle of emotional and physical pain. Consequently, I encourage everyone to set their own boundaries through self-awareness and knowledge. Here are some tips on how to accomplish that:

  • Be aware of what arouses you
  • Be knowledgeable about your body and its biological changes
  • Give yourself permission to surrender to pleasure because you are worthy of it
  • Take responsibility for your own orgasm; don’t expect someone to give it to you
  • Share your sexual turn ons with your lover
  • Communicate your wants, needs, desires and fears with your lover
  • Share your fantasies with your lover
     

This is an excerpt from The Loveologist Guide to Inhibitions by Dr. Ava Cadell. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life.

The Power of Forgiveness

What forgiveness is:

Forgiveness is for giving to yourself.  It is a gift for you on your pathway to everlasting love, one that can help you clear up emotional wounds which may be hampering your success in finding and holding the right partner.  Forgiveness means to free up those hurts inside you.  Then you can breathe that clear, heady, elevated air of emotional freedom.  And that’s when you become open to the partner who is truly right for you.  As a popular spiritual teacher puts it, "forgiveness is necessary in igniting the spark of love." Forgiveness is release.  The word "forgive" literally means "to give up," "to give away." 

Forgiveness is a form of unburdening, removing emotional clutter that can keep you blocked from experiencing everlasting love.  Forgiveness can lead to emotional freedom and that can lead to change.  And it is your life that you want to change. 

Forgiveness is about uncovering hurts rather than denying they are there.  Forgiveness has to do with acknowledging all those creepy crawly feelings that block you from your joy. One simple exercise is to forgive yourself each week for the mistakes you made.  Set aside a few minutes to review what went wrong, and how you might better have handled the situation.  A friend of mine, Jane, has learned to stop wasting her time blaming others for what they have done to her.  Instead, she opens up her weekly forgiveness ritual with something like this: "I forgive myself for going out on a blind date and expecting love-at-first- sight," or "I forgive myself for putting up with a man who belittled me."  By forgiving herself in this manner, she remains focused on her needs rather than what is lacking in the other person.  As Jane says: "When I release my resentments this way each week, it clears me up inside.  I don’t hear that rumble of anger underneath my breath anymore.  And it helps me to stay focused on me and my expectations."

Forgiveness is for giving to yourself what you didn’t get enough of as a child: attention, love, affection, and recognition.  We all missed out on something.  Whoever or whatever denied you your needs in the past can be forgiven — released — to make more room for what you want to experience in a relationship.  Draw yourself out; don’t wait for others to do it for you.  Allow them the pleasure of knowing you better.  Reward yourself by becoming the center of attention at a party; don’t be afraid to stand out.  Notice how other people will love you if you allow them.  If you have a pet, take note of how that little animal loves just being around you.  Permit other people to enjoy your company in the same way; let yourself be flattered by their attention.  Pamper yourself with the affections of others.  If you hug almost any human being, they will generally hug you back.  And that one little hug per day can prove that the love you have to give is very, very worthy.

Forgiveness is daring to become unencumbered by old stale resentments.  Recycled trash is still trash.  Rancor cankers, and it can manifest eventually as body illness and pain.  You wouldn’t dream of eating yesterday’s garbage for dinner tonight, but that’s similar to what you are doing if you keep recycling old hurts through your system.  Forgiveness is daring to feel worthy of the love you seek, giving up what you may have accepted as love in the past, especially if it was wrong for you. 

Forgiveness is having the courage to confront a two-fold roadblock: self- forgiveness and for giving-up the limitations of others.

Read the rest of this article here: The Power of Forgiveness

Love vs. Lust

Lust is often mistaken for love.  In the dictionary you’ll find definitions that include "An intense longing, desire, or need," and  “Unrestrained sexual craving.”

Feelings of lust trigger a flood of testosterone, the sex hormone in men and women.  It stems from physical attraction and sexual chemistry, a powerful force that can induce strong sexual desire, diverting blood flow to the sexual organs.  Research at Maudsley Hospital in London reports that lust causes the brain to produce the same reaction as if on cocaine or speed.  “Lust really is like a drug, it leaves you wanting more,” Dr. John Marsden, director of the National Addiction Center, is quoted as saying.  But, lust can easily fade when the sex becomes predictable or the person’s character flaws come to the surface.

Read the rest of the article here: Love vs. Lust

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