We all have a right to say no. Most of us are used to hearing this phrase in terms of drug use or consent (“Just say no!” and “No means no!”). Many of us feel as though we are obligated to do things, or that if we commit to something, we cannot change our minds and back out. This is false. We have the ability to make our own decisions, and to say no whenever we feel we need to.
Saying no can be hard! There are people that we want to impress, and a lot of the time, we truly don’t mind doing something for a person here or there. There are some of us however that feel overwhelmed with how much we have agreed to do, and we find ourselves unable to say no. Perhaps we want to seem like we are always willing to help, or we want to give a good impression of ourselves. Maybe, we don’t even realize that our problem is saying yes to everything. The good news is that there is always room to grow. Continue reading
Expectations: we all have them. Maybe we wake up and think it will be a good day. You were on time all morning, and just about to get to work when an obstacle arises, causing you to be late, thus ruining your momentum, perhaps even your day. We have all heard the sayings, “expect the unexpected!” and “it will happen when you least expect it!” Do we ever stop to think about what our expectations are? We certainly do.
In fact, we might do it too much. We expect to have a fun time at our friend’s party, or a mediocre time during family holidays. Sometimes, we are so focused on what we expect to happen that we miss out entirely on the events. Perhaps because we expected not to have fun, and sat in a corner sulking, trying to prove our own point. Maybe we had expectations and then were disappointed with the result because they did not fit our vision. When we put our hopes into expectations, we will usually be disappointed, because expectations are a wish, not a guarantee. The only guarantee that is true with expectations is that you cannot predict what will happen. Continue reading
Hi everyone! Today I want to cover the topic of intimacy, something vital to each of our lives, and a topic that is a big part of love addiction and codependency.
A lot of us have found that in relationships, we have lost ourselves, and a big struggle is trying to rebuild our behavior patterns in relationships so that we can have healthy relationships where that doesn’t happen. We have also found that the people we choose to be intimate with are unavailable to us emotionally, or maybe we have even found someone to be intimate with, but we push them away and sabotage our relationships. Intimacy can be scary! Continue reading
Hi guys. Today I want to talk a little bit about the topic of letting go of our fears of abandonment. I think it’s a really important subject when delving into love addiction and co-dependency, and fear of abandonment is one of the main things that prevents people from getting out of unhealthy relationships.
The idea of being abandoned is scary. Nobody wants to be left alone to fend for themselves. As humans, we are social creatures, and having other people and even animals in our lives is comforting and part of being human. The issue then, is when our fear of being alone – a reasonable fear – becomes so deep that it prevents us from being independent. We can be independent people without having to give up healthy relationships. What we have to strive for there is balance. Continue reading
For many people hearing about drug abuse, addiction is seen an issue faced by those with limited resources and limited ability to make changes in their life. However, celebrity drug addiction, including the recent death of Prince, shines a light on just how pain medication addiction can be found at any level of society.
According to friends of the late singer, Prince had an addiction to opioids that has been with him for at least a decade. He was first seen taking opioids after a hip strain, and he continued to up his dosage to continue to perform as early as a decade ago. Continue reading
In addition recovery programs that are holistic and client-based, resiliency training is one of the key elements of the program. People with addiction have lost their ability to be resilient, and they lack the coping strategies to deal with the challenges and obstacles life throws in their path.
Often this lack of resilience actually comes from unhealed and untreated trauma that may have occurred throughout childhood. This type of trauma can be devastating and lifelong, but it can also be treated even later in life, and the client can develop coping skills and rebuild the resiliency to be able to bounce back when life seems to be going in the wrong direction. Continue reading
When people talk about visualization strategies it is often in the framework of seeing yourself as you want to be when you are at your goal. This is certainly important as one part of the visualization process since if you don’t know where you are then you won’t know the steps you need to get to that destination. However, there are smaller steps to visualizing success that can help you make the right decisions every day of your life. Instead of just focusing in on the huge mega plan, you also need to spend time seeing yourself being successful in the details as well. Continue reading
One of the biggest problems for many people as adults is the fear of being alone. If you do any reading on the issues with people that stay in abusive relationships, people that constantly choose the wrong partner and people that are addicted to toxic relationships the root cause is often about fear of being alone.
This is because they are not comfortable as being identified as who they really are. They only feel comfortable when they can be identified as part of a couple and see themselves as needed by the other person. For these people, call them love or relationship addicts, staying in a horrible, destructive relationship, even at the risk of persona harm or abuse, is the only way to see themselves as having meaning.
Learn To Be Comfortable With You
If you desperately need to be in a relationship and with another person, even if they don’t want to be with you, you need to become intentional in being comfortable on your own. The only way that you can break the love addiction cycle is to learn to really love yourself for who you are, not how you related to another person.
To be intentional about being alone with yourself take the following intentional steps to loving yourself.
Step 1 – make a list of the positive things about yourself. These can be things that friends or family have said to you or that you know to be true. Remember, not about how you relate to your partner, things about you.
One of the key reasons that I wrote “The Law of Sobriety” is because too many people focus only on the medical and behavioral aspects of addiction recovery and sobriety. It is as if they believe that if you change your behavior then somehow your mind will pick up on these thoughts and change your way of thinking.
As my studies into the Law of Attraction have clearly shown me, it is actually the opposite process that works. By changing the way that you think and how you expend your mental energy into the universe you will change your way of doing things and in leading your life.
To start to make those all-important mental changes to lead a life of sobriety you can implement the following tips at any time. Remember, it is about changing the way that you view the world that allows you to take advantage of what is presented to you and the natural positive energy all around you.
The holiday season is typically seen as a happy time of year when stress, worries and anxiety magically give way to happiness, love and a sense of good will to all. While this is a nice thought, it is simple not a reality for most people. The holiday season is one of the most stressful over the year as people struggle to find the right gift, host the perfect party or create the best ever holiday season.
Top this off with having to interact with relatives and family that may you may not have the best relationship with and you definitely have a recipe for increasing, not decreasing, stress.
Stress can cause significant emotional as well as physiological responses. People under stress may have several of the following symptoms:
- Difficulty sleeping, relaxing, concentrating or focusing
- Exhaustion and fatigue
- Increased illnesses, rapid heartbeat, digestive problems
- Anxiety, irritability, atypical anger or irrational types of behaviors
- Feeling overwhelmed or experiencing racing thoughts
- Having difficulty staying positive
- Feeling lonely, unhappy, isolated o
Coping with stress can include both mental and physical options. These can include:
- Learning breathing techniques to allow you to take control of your physiological responses and relax. Yoga is terrific for this.
- Increase your physical activity in a structured exercise, walking or weight training program to boost energy levels and positive brain chemicals associated with exercise.
- Learning relation techniques such as progressive relation to enhance your ability to stay calm and to get to sleep.
- Make time every day to do something you enjoy. Make this a priority not sometime you do if you have time.
- Find someone to talk to that will help you manage your stress.
It is important to identify what is causing you to experience stress and then plan a way to minimize or eliminate that source of stress. To get started stop and reflect on what is happening that is causing you stress. Once you have identified the source you can then start to develop a plan to enhance your ability to cope, manage and thrive even in times of stress.
What causes you stress and what are the strategies or techniques that you use to cope and manage?