A Balancing Act: Why is Waiting So Hard?

I applied to an internship over a month ago and have not heard back from anybody about the job since the application deadline.

I am very close to having a small breakdown.

The job that I applied to encompasses everything that I want to explore this summer. It will give me an opportunity to live in NY for the summer as well as work with some of the most relevant and important people in the theatrical community today. 

But I haven’t heard from anybody about the status of my application.

I have contacted the people I need to contact almost every week now and each time, I get a half-assed (excuse my language) reply indicating that ‘they’re working on it’. I am overwhelmed with anger, disappointment, fear, anxiety, and frustration about the situation because I am slowly approaching the end of my school year and I still have no summer job.

Most of my overwhelming emotions and off-balanced state can be attributed to my ego. Everyone around me, in attempts to comfort me and cheer me on, kept telling me not to worry because I will get the job. Inside, I am always restless and uncomfortable when someone says that to me because there is no way to guarantee that I will get the job. At the same time, their assurance and my ego’s desire to believe them has led to a less than active search on my side for a plan B, and now I am left with an inflated ego, off-centered inner chaos, and still no job.  

I am a strong believer that everything will work itself out in due time. But being a strong believer doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m perfect in my thinking, and while I still believe that everything will happen the way it is meant to happen, the waiting is slowly eating away at me. Why is waiting so hard? I don’t think it has to be, and I don’t think it should be, but it’s still aggravating! oy…

In the mean time, I suppose what I can do is contact the people that need to be contacted, meditate, write, and work out to bring my mind to peace, and start being an active participant in my present. Right?