Bummed

By on May 11, 2009 in Uncategorized

I’m not happy. I don’t like my life. I love my dog and she’s the only reason I’m alive right now. Otherwise, life is pointless. I don’t like who I am. I’m fat, lazy, unhappy. I’m super bummed out for no specific reason. Maybe it’s just the month of May. Mothers’ Day was yesterday, I’ll never be a mother. My birthday is coming up and I kinda wish I’d never been born. My heart is heavy, my eyelids are heavy, I’m losing weight but am still fat. I’m not okay.

About Kerri

I moved to the mountains. I love a man who is ignoring me. I just am not happy. I love the mountains and feel like home here. I feel like a waste of space and time pretty much always.
View all posts by Kerri →

3 Responses to Bummed

  1. bchboy May 11, 2009 at 5:12 pm #

    I just don't believe all those things…my life can suck at times. I just refuse to buy into the lie. I can't change your mind. I'm not sure I could.But I do wish you hope. I wish you a song that randomly comes on the radio that brings you joy. I wish you the experience of giving when you feel you have nothing to give…

  2. Charmaine May 11, 2009 at 5:41 pm #

    Hello Kerri,

    I'm really sorry that you're feeling so bummed right now. You wrote that you were feeling super bummed out for no specific reason. One thing that might make a difference is to write down things that you have to be happy or grateful about. Even if the things are really small things…it is something. You mentioned your dog. That's a big reason to be happy! Just the love your dog shows you is something to be grateful for. Not to mention how grateful your dog is to have you. Think about that. If she could write down reasons to be happy, I'm sure you would be at the top of her list. In the meantime, you are making changes for the better. You said you were losing weight. That's great! Congratulations! That's another reason to be grateful. Losing weight is hard, you are accomplishing something.

    Take one day, one moment at a time. You are here for a reason. The good thing about being here, being alive, is there is still time to do whatever it is that you're here for. It's never to late to do, or be, what it is that you might have been. The best thing, Kerri, is that you are still here!

    Again, I am sorry you're feeling down right now. If you want to talk, feel free to send me a message, or a post, or something. You will be in my positive thoughts, Kerri. Take care.

    Best Regards,

    Charmaine

  3. mscosmiccat May 11, 2009 at 5:48 pm #

    You have a lot going for you, you just don't know it. First of all, you are honest, you have humility, you have courage. You couldn't have posted the above post with out those three. Next, you are here on Inent which means you want to get on the path to wellness. That means you have hope. You have desire, the desire to live a better, healthier, happier life. You are reaching out and that means you have trust. Your trust is greater than your fear of being rejected. You love your dog and I'm certain, due to the nature of dogs, that your dog loves you. You have two people so far that are responding with compassion and love for you. So you have love. You have a desire to be a mother or you wouldn't have brought up the subject of motherhood. You CAN be a mother. Adoption and foster care are desperately needed. You can PM me any time.

    Love & Peace

    Ms Cosmiccat