Be careful what you wish for!


It was just before Christmas in 2006 and my daughter, Elora, had fully realized the meaning of this holiday. The stockings were hung by the chimney with the care (Kind of, I mean she was 3), the tree was up and we were ready for Santa to bring us all our dreams wrapped in shiny sparkly paper with big splendid bows.

Elora had made her list, filled with dolls and Disney princesses and this Mrs. Clause was ready! So when I arrived to pick her up after spending the afternoon with Grandma making Christmas cookies, her newest addition to her wish list was quite a surprise. I had barely made it across the threshold when she blurted out “I want a baby brother for Christmas!”

When I became pregnant with Elora, I was informed by a few psychics that she was royalty in her last life, I often bemused under my breath “Isn’t everybody”. But when Elora was born, I found those statements hard to ignore. She was without a doubt royalty and I often pictured her Cinderella and I the evil step-mother she tolerated while awaiting her real princess life to begin. She even played the part, asking my mother to make her not only the Cinderella dress, but the Cinderella smock and cleaning clothes too, fitted with her head scarf, Elora would clean the floors and practice suffering, whiling away the hours waiting for her horse drawn carriage to arrive.

So when she asked for a baby brother, I tried to laugh it off, but I also realized, this kid has a way of getting what she wants and I was in no mood for another baby. I wasn’t one of those “I love being pregnant” moms and while I loved my daughter with every ounce of my being, I’m not going to lie to you and say it was all moonbeams and rainbows raising her. This is a girl who knew what she wanted and wasn’t going to pussy foot around in getting it. Just so you know she’s an amazing girl, smart, funny, kind and generous but also strong willed and powerful in manifesting and stubborn (like her mom I should add).

But I still held out hope that I too was a powerful manifester and figuring I could control this one, it was my body after all, I stated with clear intent “No Be It!” and off we went in search of something to get her mind off her new infatuation with all things baby brother.

Christmas came and went and of course she was thrilled with what Santa had left for her under the tree and I hoped the whole baby brother thing had been forgotten along with the uneaten fruit-cake and those tiny pieces of candy left at the bottom of her stocking. We went about our lives, New Years resolutions made and the first month of 2007 almost a faded memory when to my utter shock and surprise I find I am pregnant! Damn that kid was good.

The interesting thing about Elora wanting a brother was that she loved being the only child. She loved getting all the attention, not having to share and pretty much being the center of our universe. But she was steadfast in her desire for a baby brother, until of course he arrived.

Of course it’s normal for the first child to desire nothing more than the second child to be eaten by a dragon, or stolen in the night by dwarves, but there was something about this sibling rivalry that seemed to run deeper than the norm. It probably didn’t help that Max was the antithesis of Elora as a baby, easy going and easily pleased. It took me a few years of observing their dynamic to know that indeed there was something more, something deeper and hiding in her shadow and of course in doing so I learned a great deal about myself and the things hiding in my shadow in the process.

For a few years now I have been going through a big transition, spending a lot of time with my shadow self. About a year ago I went on a retreat and at the end was invited to ask for what I truly desired. I ask for peace and stability, seemingly innocuous things, things that should bring about a nice, easy existence, right? Well, not so much, at least not yet.

This is where the be careful what you wish for comes in…

See, in order to get peace and stability I have to make room for it. I have to clean up all the things in my life that don’t fit into that story and that is anything but peaceful and surely doesn’t feel very stable, at least right now. In inviting in peace and stability I had to open the doors for the exact opposite to show up, how can I have peace and stability if:

1. I don’t know what peace and stability feel like.
2. Clearly, I needed to learn how to create peace and stability in my life.

You’re probably wondering what this has to do with my daughter asking for a brother for Christmas. You’ve heard the saying God only gives you what you can handle. Well in New Thought speak that translates to “You bring into your life experiences which will help you expand your awareness” (ie: annoying little brothers who will push every one of your buttons at a very early age) Or in my case, put down your sword and let go of the battle.

It’s as if one day we’re merrily strolling along, unaware that lurking deep within us is the dark side to our light and unbeknownst to us that little mischievous bugger wants to come out and play, and for good reason. If we don’t bring out our shadow we don’t evolve. We don’t become that person we truly want to be, how can we without knowing every nook and cranny of our self. That is, after all the definition of enlightenment. To know thyself.

So this year as you break out the crayons and magazines to start making that vision board of all the good things you want in your life, remember to do the dirty work around what it is your dreaming of, ask yourself the hard questions and dig deep into the dark corners of yourself and clean it out before you set your intentions for 2015. Hopefully, you’ll get what you really want.

I’m pretty impressed with my Elora, so willing at an early age to work out her stuff!