Anger is a universal emotion. Every human being gets angry at one time or another.We all have experienced hurt, disappointment, deceit, rejection, betrayal, and many other slights and mistreatments in our lives. Though all people experience the feeling of anger, there are great differences in how people react to angry feelings. Some of us can respond assertively with thoughtful expressions.
Problems arise when people respond by yelling, name-calling, using bad language, throwing things, slamming doors, making threats, hitting others, or abruptly ending the relationship. A less obvious problem occurs when people keep feelings to themselves and “stuff” their anger. We are all capable of erupting one day.
The very simple, but difficult first step to manage anger is to acknowledge that you are feeling angry! Most people may admit to feeling frustrated, or annoyed, or irritated, but not angry. It is as if “anger” is such a horrible word that you can’t acknowledge it.Others may be angry, but not you!Continue reading →
This piece started as a letter to my teenage daughter. Much to my dismay she got herself a boyfriend. Although I would have preferred she wait until she was a bit older love had something else in mind. So my husband and I decided to embrace it as an opportunity to teach her some things about life and relationships. Six months later we are still in it knee deep. I decided before things progress too quickly I wanted to share with her some things I thought she ought to know about love. So I wrote down the ten points written here and put them in a card.
Love and fear are not the same. In fact, fear cannot exist when love is present. Fear pushes you into wanting to control what is happening, while love releases these urges. You see love happens when you feel a connection. Anytime you feel a connection whether it is with an animal, nature, a piece of writing, music or with another person you are interacting with love. It is almost as if the love that exists in you and the love inside another are synchronizing. This is because love is made of energy. Therefore, love can never disappear however, our belief in it can. To help you maintain your connection here are ten things you ought to know: Continue reading →
We all look for a secret recipe for a successful marriage, as if following those steps is going to give us the result we desire. The reality is that there is no such universal recipe for successful marriages. It depends on how you use the ingredients, the quantity and quality of them, the time and effort you invest and your personal touch. Every dish has certain key and basic ingredients and if they are missing, you cannot make it.
In the same way, every marriage should have certain key elements which are extremely vital in order for it to be successful, joyful, nurturing, caring and expansive. This is something I have personally discovered through my five and a half years of being married and creating a joyful, fun, kind and caring relationship with my husband that has contributed to my personal growth and expansion as well as his.
So what are these key elements you wonder? Here is a simplified list. Please be aware that a relationship always begins with you. So these elements can be used to create a loving relationship with you first before you create it with your partner! It is only when you have a nurturing relationship with you personally, you can bring that element to your marriage. Continue reading →
A few weeks ago I had the honor of being a panelist at The Parliament of World Religions conference in Salt Lake City. The Parliament of World Religions held its first conference in 1893, and since this date has attracted such remarkable speakers including: His Holiness The Dalai Lama, former president Jimmy Carter, Dr. Jane Goodall, Dr. Vandana Shiva, and Dr. Eboo Patel.
In September, I was in New York City when a professor asked me in person if I would be willing to join a Parliament panel and talk about my book, A Widow’s Guide to Healing, and immediately my heart was in my throat. It was not one of my finer professional moments as I couldn’t even muster up the words, “Thank you.” I didn’t answer “yes”. I said I had to think about it and this was partly true. I would need to make travel and work arrangements to get coverage at my day job, where I am a clinical social worker. The other part that I did not share was that I was scared. I was intimidated by the nature of such a large conference, attracting 10k people from 80 different nations and 50 different faiths, and the other panelists I knew had doctoral degrees from fancy ivy- league schools. I flew home and thought long and hard about this amazing opportunity and why I was so reluctant to accept it. Deep down I knew that it was my own insecurity because I had never have spoken in a panel format and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, especially since I realized that the professor was taking a risk in even asking me to participate.
And a few days later, it occurred to me that I needed to revisit my original intent in writing my book. The intent was to be able to share the narratives of other widows so that a widow would be able to find herself in one of these stories and feel less alone.Before writing my book, the words that C.S. Lewis wrote “We read to know that we are not alone” rang true to me.And I know first- hand how lonely and scared grief can leave a person. I was 33 in 2007 when my husband, Roy, died from advanced adrenal cancer nearly eight weeks after being diagnosed with bronchitis at his family doctor’s office. Continue reading →
Oftentimes, there’s a common misconception that introverts are painfully shy, awkward or simply unsocial. However, this is not the case. Many introverts will surprise you with their witty repertoire. It is worth the wait.
Maybe, as an introvert, you don’t feel comfortable around large groups of people, but are the social planner for your small network of friends. Maybe you simply need “me” time to recharge cuddling up with a book, watching Netflix, or coloring that painfully detailed adult coloring book, in lieu of hanging out with others. Or maybe you are one of the shy introverts who prefers to remain to herself.
We are all uniquely ourselves, even if we may have tendencies on one side of the spectrum.
Let’s take a two minute pause to stop and consider kindness.
If you Google “kindness” , you’ll get responses like
“the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.”
If you Google “friendly“, you’ll get all sorts of synonyms like communicative, approachable, easygoing, unreserved, benevolent. While those are words we can understand in relation to other people, they are not always things we think to extend to ourselves. Are we being a friend to ourselves before we try to be a friend to someone else? Are we showing kindness to ourselves in the same way we know other’s hope to receive?
Everyone says they want a happier, healthier, more loving relationship with their spouse, and who could blame them? That idea of happily ever after sounds pretty good-right? Here’s the thing however – too often it’s not always our partner that creates the rifts that allow us to drift apart. Many times? We’re the ones getting in the way. Here are seven things to quit right now if you want to create and sustain a healthy, happy marriage. Continue reading →
What do we do with it all? How do we navigate it all? An even bigger question- where do we look for wisdom when it comes to answering the big questions of life?
“Inspired by the idea that one of the greatest gifts one generation can give to another is the wisdom gained from experience, filmmaker and photographer Andrew Zuckerman traveled the globe to interview more than fifty of the world’s most prominent writers, artists, designers, actors, politicians, and religious and business leaders – all over the age of sixty-five. WISDOM captures their voices, physical presences, words and ideas, to provide a legacy for the generations that follow and a timeless portrait of the universalities that connect us all.”
Why putting yourself first is the best choice for everyone.
We all experience moments when we feel torn between doing what we desire, and doing what we think is in the best interest of another. Sometimes we forget that those that love us also want what is best for us, and the best thing we can do is set the tone by making self-care a priority. Here’s what I mean…
I found myself in an interesting position this morning. I planned on taking a yoga class this morning, which I love and feel is an important component of my self-care on all levels. But last night my boyfriend and I got into an intense discussion, which left me feeling worried for him, wanting to care for him and make it all better. When I woke-up I found myself torn between my desire to go to class, and a thought that I should stay in bed and make sure he felt cared for.
It’s not as though an extra-long cuddle was in any way unappealing to me, yet I projected my mind a couple hours ahead, and could feel a nagging sense of disappointment that I didn’t stick to my plan to go to class. And not because I wanted to adhere to the plan, but because I could feel how badly my body wanted a led yoga session. Yet I still felt torn…and guilty.Continue reading →