Sometimes, I get stuck thinking about Emily Rapp. I don’t want to do this. Her life has been undoubtedly painful of late. I know this even though I’ve never met her. She lost her son recently. He had Tay Sachs’ disease. He died the day after Valentine’s Day — near the tender age of three. He did something similar to what my mom did. He unwittingly, cruelly and slowly degraded right in front of her. She had no choice but to let him go. It’s one thing to lose your mother this way; I can only imagine that it’s quite another to lose your child. As a mother, I shudder when I think of this. My heart turns heavy and it feels like it’s bleeding lead. It’s painful in every way.
And then, my thoughts turn to one of my friends. Our sons are the same age. I hate to say this but at times her child can be a bit of a nightmare. It is difficult to have him over for play dates and over nights. But this boy worships my son. And as such, he clings to him. He demands his attention. He wants to be my son’s very best friend. So we occasionally have him over. From time to time, he’ll burst out with something highly, shockingly inappropriate. It’s bewildering. Often, I feel very uncomfortable around him. When he leaves, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. It turns out, he has Asperger’s syndrome. His mom, my friend, she just found out. Oh! My heart goes out to her. She was crying as she told me. She said now she could start to readjust her expectations for his life. She could get used to knowing that he was never going to have a “normal” life. I just wanted to hug her. So I did. Again, this just breaks my heart for her and for him.
Abraham-Hicks says we should not think about that which we do not want to occur in our own lives. And so, I don’t want to think about these things. I know, this is a controversial opinion. I think it’s worth noting: I’m not saying we shouldn’t address major world issues. But I am saying, when we address those issues, it’s more effective to focus on solutions than the gruesomeness of the issue itself. For example: I am all for finding a cure to ALS, as my mother died from this wretched disease. That said, I am more focused on teaching people how to love themselves wholly and completely rather than to give way to self loathing as I believe in my bones that self loathing is a huge part of auto immune disease. I am also active in raising funds for research to find a cure, but I am more focused on impacting individuals around me to learn to love self.
All of these experiences of late have illustrated one huge point for me: I am grateful for my life. Sometimes, I get caught up in the “stuff” game. I wish I had better “stuff” (ie house, bathroom, drawers in my bathroom, more storage space, nicer kitchen, fewer cockroaches, no rats, a driveway with concrete pavement, a carport or even a garage, a bigger yard for the dog, a pool, a fence, a bathroom for the kids and one for me and my husband instead of everyone using the same one, a budget to travel by so that we could go back to the beach — I’ve never been away from the beach for this long in my life, it’s making me crazy). But in reality, none of this stuff is as important as the health of my children, my husband and myself. I am so lucky that I can say this. My children are both remarkably healthy. So are my husband and I. And for that, I am eternally grateful.
I do not want to attract atrocities into my life; no one does. I want to attract love, abundance, prosperity, joy, beauty, kindness, happiness, laughter, travel, openness, hope, support, health, vitality, and strength. This is what I want to focus on.
I call it Channeling Love, not only towards the universe, self and spirit for my own life, but also to those I know of who might be suffering or challenged. I truly believe, and yes, again, I know it’s controversial — but I believe every single positive thought we have makes a difference. And so, in my thoughts, I engulf Emily Rapp in a cocoon of love. I swaddle my friend who’s son is beginning a whole new path in life in love from my heart. And I recommit to creating a life around me free of self loathing, focused on uplifting all of those I can help, and resting in the knowledge that this is the best representation of self that I can currently embody. Channeling Love feels right to me. I offer this practice to you humbly.