Choosing Between Love and Career

Question:

I am facing thirties and all I have in my resume is mainly studies. I like research and that is why I want to do a PhD in a field I am interested in. The problem is that my studies don’t pay my rent [so I live with my parents] and every time I decide to make a new step in my life strangely  enough I fall in love. Lately I fell in love with a man  who was in a relationship and broke up after meeting me, and we like each other.

The problem is that he still feels bad about his breaking up from his long lasting relationship, but as he admitted it was holding him back. And this is not the only problem. He lives in another country, a couple of thousand miles away. How can I decide to move to his place when I am not sure about his feelings?
And what about my studies and my future which I am neglecting ever since I met him? Will it always be like that? Falling in love and then failing in my personal life? Is there a particular helpful book I could read?

Answer:

Your question seems to assume that you can’t both be in love and pursue your career/educational goals. They are not necessarily mutually exclusive aims, so don’t assume that you can’t continue doing the research that you enjoy while you are developing a love partnership.
Since the relationship is currently a long-distance affair, you need to spend some time physically together to truly determine what your feelings are and what are the realistic prospects of the relationship going forward.  You don’t need to decide whether to move to his country and live with him until you have some answers.

First of all you need to assess whether he is ready to move past his attachment to the old relationship, or whether he is only taking a break from her, and coping with that separation through his relationship with you. That won’t work.

You didn’t mention what country he lives in, but you also need to figure out whether you can continue your graduate work there and if the language and culture adjustments are something you can adjust to.
Above all, you need to let go of the false dichotomy you have in your mind that your career and love are opposing forces in your life. Because if you believe they are, then they certainly will be. Learn to trust that the intelligent  force that is guiding and supporting your life is leading you toward the experiences and circumstances you need for your complete fulfillment and growth.

Love,
Deepak