Read each question and choose the ONE answer that best fits your typical response. Look for the letter that you chose most frequently and read the relative paragraph in the answer key at the bottom of the quiz.
1) Your teen brings home their boyfriend/girlfriend for dinner. You discover that you don’t like this person. They leave and you…
A) Start yelling at your teen that this person is no good and they must immediately stop dating.
B) Don’t say anything because you can’t think of anything nice to say.
C) Tell your teen that you don’t like their friend and you then tell them the how this person reminds you of your boss, friend, sister, first boyfriend/girlfriend.
D) Sit down and start a dialogue with your teen to discuss healthy relationships. You share your concerns while also listening to your child.
2) You ask your teen how their day went and they grunt something that sounds like “fine.” What do you do?
A) You get irritated and ask again, but with an angry tone.
B) You barely acknowledge the answer because you know it isn’t genuine anyway.
C) You start complaining about your day.
D) You calmly ask what your child they like best about the day or what they did that they are most proud of.
3) Your dinner table conversation is:
A) Full of angry and bitter jabs.
B) Nonexistent… you eat separately and usually in front of the TV
C) Usually centered around you’re your day.
D) Lively and interesting. Everyone contributes to the conversation.
4) When you get frustrated with your child, you…
A) tend to bark orders and yell at your child.
B) Clam up and refuse to talk.
C) Start complaining about how stressed and frustrated you are.
D) Explain that you are feeling frustrated and need a few minutes to unwind before you continue talking.
5) Your child asks why they should have to do chores around the house, you respond…
A) In your angry tone you say, “I am not going to ask you again! Do your chores!”
B) because I said so
C) by going into a long monologue about how hard you work and how stressful your life is.
D) by explaining the importance of being responsible and working together as a family to keep the house up.
6) Your children are arguing with each other, what do you do?
A) Scream and yell for them to stop yelling at each other.
B) Let them go at it. Maybe they will work it out.
C) Start talking about the argument that you had with your co-worker today.
D) You sit the children down and talk with them. You find out what the root of the problem is and help them work through it with good communications skills
7) During an argument with your child, he/she yells, “I hate you.” How do you respond?
A) You yell back, “I hate you too.”
B) You turn and walk away.
C) Cry and wonder what you did wrong.
D) You let them know how you feel when you hear those words. You remind them that it is important to respect each other.
If the Supernanny showed up at your house, how would she describe your communication skills?A) Hostile
B) Avoidant
C) Making progress
D) Great! Positive and nurturing with appropriate boundaries.
9) You are busy doing some work and your child starts talking about something that happened at school, you…
A) are irritated and tell them to be quiet
B) pretend to listen, but keep working
C) interrupt and start talking about the project you are working on.
D) stop what you are doing and listen to him/her. Afterall, moments like this are far more precious than work.
10) Your teenager is responsible for unloading the dishwasher. She/he has been good about doing this all week, but forgets to do so on one occasion. You…
A) Throw a fit because he/she forgot.
B) Don’t say anything and let your irritation fester.
C) Tell you child about all of the stresses and how this is just one more added stress in your life.
D) Praise your child for his/her effort all week and gently remind him/her to take care of the dishes now.
Mostly A’s – Woa! You are letting your anger drive your communication with your kids. Unfortunately, this can lead to self-esteem and behavior problems. You need to look at some new ways to manage your anger and frustration (exercise, stress management, therapy) so you don’t take it out on your children. Remember when your communication is based in anger you are teaching your children these bad habits. Don’t be surprised if their communication with you is hostile also. Start initiating casual and easy conversations. Be sure to accentuate the positives in your children and praise their efforts.
Mostly B’s – Oops! It seems that you have your head in the sand. You are avoiding communication with your children. While you are not hostile in your communication, avoidance is not effective either. You need to start talking to your kids. Find ways to start some casual, but positive conversations to build a foundation. Once you have built the foundation, your children will enjoy talking with you.
Mostly C’s – Your communication is self-centered. Remember that you are the parent and it is important for you to listen to your children. Good listening skills are key to healthy communication. When you start listening and providing space for them to talk, you will be surprised by how much they want to share. Give them the respect they deserve by practicing your listening skills. Also, be sure to praise their efforts and accentuate the positives.
Mostly D’s– Good work! You are using good communication skills. You are likely enjoying the rewards of healthy communication with your children. You are giving your kids a wonderful gift! Healthy conversations lead to stronger family bonds and better self-esteem and confidence in children. You are teaching them communication skills that will help them throughout their lives.
***If you are not satisfied with the amount and/or quality of communication with your kids, you can find some tips for developing healthy communication in my post – Help, my kids won’t talk to me!
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