From the shape of our cells to the swirl of our fingerprints, each human is profoundly, almost incomprehensibly unique. In all the eons of time, amongst trillions of human eggs that have been fertilized and hatched – there is only one you: microscopically remarkable, positively unrepeatable, original, and…beyond compare.
Role models are useful. They are lighthouses when dream-chasing gets cloudy, they are proof of stamina and magic. But emulation is tricky terrain. I have a friend, an aspiring novelist and brilliant writer in her own right, who said to me once that she wanted to be the "Canadian Anne Lamott," I said, "Why don’t you just be the global You?"
We must have the daring to be nothing but ourselves if we are to know what true power is.
Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better. Would you compare a snowflake to a snowflake to decide which was more beautiful and unique? No two snowflakes are the same.
Comparison is a slippery slop to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envy trust-fund babies and my friends with rich parents. "Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…" Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.
So here’s the freedom-generating habit to stop comparing and to melt envy:
1. When you’re tempted to compare yourself to others, stave off the comparing by feeling your way into your dream. Rather than comparing, imagine. Imagine yourself feeling the way you want to feel – successful, brilliant, artistically free, earthy, healthy, connected. That’s it. You’re not making yourself less than or more than anyone else – you’re simply giving yourself permission to want what you want.
2. Bless the people you feel envious of – the rich, skinny, in-love, confident, powerful people. Quicker than you can say “I wish I had that…,” say to yourself, or even better, to them, “Way to go…you look great…I admire you.” With envy out of the way, you’ll have more space for your own greatness to step forward.
Love these tips!
You know, that was the first thing that hit me when I moved to the US many years ago. Every single fact, be it sports, stock-market, weather or tourist info, was always accompanied by a comparator, a yardstick. The Dow hit a 3-month low of XXX, tonight's low temperature comes close to the record set back in 1923, the Yankees extended a 3-game winning streak, this is the highest point east of the Mississippi, etc etc. After a while, I figured it must be because of some basic deep-down insecurity. Why can't we just say it's going to be real cold tonight, or this place is pretty picturesque, or tonight's game ended in a really good win? Or even better, if you must compare, do it without the accompanying judgment. I'm not as slender as Suzy Q… ok, that's a fact. What do I want to do about it?
Swordsman we've been looking for you to join us on something on Facebook with no private messages here how can we contact you…so I happen to glimpse your comment here the other day and said I'd come back and contact you here. If you are on Facebook please add me and say it is you if you have a diff name on there…if not on Facebook…get on! Some friends await you in a virtual cafe!