Many parents fear that if they claim to be Conscious, Spiritual or even just Positive parents they will then be held to a standard that is impossible to achieve. They feel like they are taking on a role in which mistakes are not allowed. Even worse, a role in which they are under the scrutiny of others with the consequences being humiliation for claiming to be something they are not.
Parents need not be so hard on themselves – we have enough burdens without judging ourselves when we are parenting from our hearts. That’s really what Conscious Parenting is, parenting from a place of awareness. Conscious Parents are aware of their motivations and seek to help their children live lives that are balanced mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. But no, they are not perfect, nor should they feel the need to be. In fact, you cannot be a Conscious Parent without making a few mistakes for it’s in those errors that we learn so much about what works for our family and what does not.
Why this topic today? Well, I’m writing as I try to remember that my son lost a tooth this morning and the Tooth Fairy needs to make an appearance tonight. For most parents this minor interruption in daily life is no big deal. In our house, it’s an enormous and complicated undertaking. I mean, once, my son diligently put his tooth under the pillow four nights in a row, and finally on the last morning we stuffed the money down the side of his bed after he woke up to another fruitless night’s sleep. We had to send him back to look for the money after he was up and eating breakfast. We told him he rolls around a lot at night (which is true) and the money probably moved. Why was the tooth left behind? We told him the tooth was left behind because it was too heavy for the Tooth Fairy due to the bracket from his braces still attached to it. We didn’t have a much better track record with our older daughter either. I was relieved that she was already in on the "secret" and I could just hand her the $2 for losing her last tooth. Whew — no dropped balls on that one.
In general, I see myself as a pretty competent and attentive parent. I teach Conscious Parenting classes and advise countless parents on how to raise their children with self awareness. Here’s my dirty secret.. . I can’t remember to take the tooth from under the pillow, and at this point, I don’t remember which container full of teeth in my jewelry box is my son’s and which one is my daughter’s. Want some more dirt? Sometimes we eat cereal for dinner.
Parents, give yourself a break. As Conscious Parents we are teaching our children that they are a spiritual beings having a human experience. A Conscious Parent is still a human being! So we lose track of time and miss pick-up by 20 minutes (or sometimes altogether, thank goodness for friends), we don’t serve veggies at every meal, we make our kids clean their rooms, and some of us forget to let the Tooth Fairy in. We also love our children, we respect ourselves, we set loving boundaries, we let our children find their uniqueness, we celebrate our differences and embrace our similarities and we teach our children to take responsibility for the energy they bring to this planet.
Come to think of it, Conscious Parents are about as close to perfect as you can get–here on earth anyway!
I am an adoptive parent and our children were prenatally exposed to alcohol. I try so hard to be a concious and present parent but there is so much stress in our daily lives that sometimes I feel I am looking at a stranger when I see myself in a mirror. I have had to become the kind of parent that I never wanted to be because our kids require an external brain all the time and they need a very high degree of structure. It is so hard to try and explain things to a child who has a lot of difficulty processing language, storing and retrieving information and who does not form cause/effect relationships. Consciousness is a very abstract concept and one they have a really hard time grasping. I think that if I could teach them to recognize their own consciousness they may even be able to overcome some of the limitations caused by the damage to their brains from the alcohol but they do not have the ability to comprehend abstract concepts.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
The greatest gift we can give to any child is the gift of "being". this comes through spirituality. I suggest two books. Both by Deepak Chopra. First "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success", second, "The Seven Spiritual Laws For Parents.
I was adopted from birth and from the records I've gotten I was likely subjected to alcohol bofore I was born. Nonetheless, my Spirituality was questionable far before I even picked up my first drink at 23. The family environment and the choices I made on who I saw as a "good" rolemodel were a reflection of my spiritual stability.
From the two books ive suggested, I read the first one for myself, the second so I can try to bestow the first into my 7yr old. The greatest thing of all, the second book designed for the children made the first one make even more sense and I gained an even deeper knowelge of my "innerself" and how to practice the seven principles into my daily life.
My prayers are with you along with every adoptive parent. There are any other questions I am here for you.
Good luck
Daniel P. La Huis
Daniel, those are great books, thanks for sharing your story! EW, if your children are young-ish there are some books and such that can help them feel more connected to themselves–let me know and I'll make some recommendations. But before we even get to that, take a few moments to acknowledge the gift you have given to your chidren! Sometimes we try to make-up for the disadvantages, perceived and real, that our children endure. Remember that they are perfect souls who chose their path before arriving in physical form. That means they also chose you. They knew you would be perfect for them. You are clearly an amazing Conscious Parent!
One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is the modeling of self-care. Your children will not suffer if you give yourself 15 – 30 minutes a day to take some deep breaths, get exercise, chat with a friend, whatever it is that you need to do to rejuvenate. When we give and give and don't refuel we forget who we are because we are plain out of energy. Our children then emulate that same behavior, though it might look different.
Consciousness starts with self-awareness. When working with them, make sure that they are aware of their own motivations. If they do something good tell them, and then ask them, "What was your motivation for that?" If they make a mistake, ask the same question. As they begin to become more aware of themselves then they can become more conscious of others. One step at a time.
Sending you light and love as you navigate the parenting jungle. Follow your heart and feel free to ask for help and encouragement here!
Thank you for the compliments. I'm truly honored. It is because of people like you and many that contribute to this site, that I can be the best person I can be for myself, then, in turn, to my son.
I also appreciate your added suggestions. During the past few weeks I was laid off and maintianing the serenity I have recently discovered is very important to me and those in my life, especially to my son. My moods and feelings around him are those which he needs to see in order to endure the trials and tribulations he expieriences now and in the future.
Again thank you and I look forward to reading more of your posts in the near future. Happy Holidays!!
Daniel P. La Huis