Creating A Healthy Mindset After a Divorce

relationship difficulties

Divorce is a difficult time in anyone’s life. There is a feeling of rejection, of anger, of frustration and distrust. While these emotions are normal they also can create significant problems for us moving forward in our lives and relationships. In my book “The Law of Sobriety” I talk about how love addictions can occur when someone feels that they are empty inside and that their emotional needs are not being met. This is certainly the case when a relationship breaks down, particularly if you are not willing to let it go because of your own emotional needs.

This is often triggered in a divorce, especially if we see ourselves as defined by the marriage. It can be a major issue when the relationship is not healthy in the first place but is a result of our addiction to love, rather than a healthy love that is mutually developed. We have created a relationship in our mind that is not one of mutual respect; rather it is one of constantly giving and constantly fearing that the other person will leave. When the divorce happens our worst fears are realized and we may find that we spiral out of control, desperately struggling to cling to the relationship or immediately jumping into a new, and ultimately unhealthy, rebound relationship.

While a divorce is going to be challenging we don’t have to fall into the same trap of choosing a bad partner and simply getting into a relationship because we aren’t comfortable without someone, anyone, in our life. We can create a positive mindset around divorce using the principles of the Law of Attraction.

The following three steps can be used to help you take the time you need to be comfortable and love yourself, building your own sense of confidence and empowerment:

1. Be alone

If you have a love addiction being alone is a terrifying experience. You have to develop a comfort with yourself and see yourself as lovable, loving and perfect in your own way. Once you have the ability to be alone, you no longer jump into bad relationships out of fear of not having someone to complete your life.

2. Learn from past relationships

Thinking back on past relationships and looking for patterns in the partners we choose and the ways we approach a relationship is all part of learning. If you don’t do this introspection and reflection you are destined to keep repeating the pattern and finding yourself in unfulfilling relationships.

3. Develop the characteristics you desire in a partner

We have to first recognize and articulate what we see as positive in ourselves before we can create the thought energy to bring like people into our world. If we see ourselves as lacking, we cannot focus on what we want, only what we don’t have. This creates negative energy around these traits, exactly the opposite of what we want to accomplish.

Once we are able to get ourselves into a positive place we can then begin to look for a partner that will not be negative, neglectful, abusive or absent, and truly find the love we deserve. It all starts by learning to love ourselves and create that positive energy, through our thoughts, about what a great partner truly looks like.

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Sherry Gaba LCSW, a psychotherapist and life, love and recovery coach, is featured on Celebrity Rehab on VH1. Sherry is the author of  The Law of Sobriety, which uses the Law of Attraction to help people recover from addiction; she is also a contributor to Conscious Entrepreneurs, and to several e-books: Empowerment Manual: Finding Purpose with Intention, Filling the Empty Heart: 5 Keys to Transforming Love Addiction. The e-books Relapse Prevention and Eliminate Limiting Beliefs can be downloaded free of charge at www.sherrygaba.com. Contact Sherry for webinars, teleseminars, coaching packages and speaking engagements.

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About Sherry Gaba

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist and life coach who has helped hundreds of people cope with lifelong addictions, including substance abuse, shopping, gambling, food, sex and love, co-dependency, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, single parenting and divorce. Sherry appeared on Celebrity Rehab 3, 4, and 5.   She also facilitated life coaching on their subsequent spin off Sober House and Celebrity Rehab’s Sex Addiction. During filming of the series, Sherry used her trademark sensitivity and compassion to help troubled cast members as they transitioned into their new sober lives with psychotherapy and life coaching tips.  Sherry most recently appeared on CNN Headline News as a guest expert, as well as Inside Edition, where she spoke about Mackenzie Phillip’s who was on Celebrity Rehab 3.  In addition, she appeared on KTLA Channel 5 as an expert on eating disorders and Fox San Diego News, Better TV, WPIX New York, CNN Prime News, Issues with Jane Velez Mitchell on HLN, Showbiz Tonight, and E!News discussing Celebrity Rehab and Teen Mom on MTV.  Sherry’s book, “The Law of Sobriety” from HCI Publications is about recovery from addictions and alcoholism and was published in September 2010.  Sherry has also been published in Cosmopolitan Magazine, Women’s World, Los Angeles Times Blog, New York Post, The Huffington Post, Hollywood Life, Elle On-line, E! On-line, and the New York Daily News.  She has also been a guest with Martha Stewart, Jay Thomas, and Judith Regan on Sirius XM Radio.  Sherry also blogs on Beliefnet.com, Counselor Magazine, and Renew Magazine.  In addition she just joined CBS Sky Radio and hosts “A Moment of Change,” a show on self discovery and positive transformation.