Sara had found no time to read the book she had suggested for her book club members. She was agitated about tonight’s opening remarks, beating herself up about it. Should she fake it or admit that she didn’t read the book and let someone else run the meeting? Perhaps she should not attend the meeting and say she is sick? Sara tried to read the four hundred pages, but couldn’t concentrate or get into the book. She felt as if she were back at school and unprepared for a test.
I asked Sara why she had joined a book club in the first pace if she is not a reader and is busy with her work and the children. She quickly explained, “For the social benefits. I like to get together with the girls once a month and talk.” I suggested that she attend the session and throw out an opening question based on the book jacket, allowing others to run with it. She could join in with examples from personal experience, movies, or other books. Fun should not be stressful. Evaluate your clubs and activities. Are you overbooked?
My client Sara is a stress addict because she loves the surge of adrenaline energy as she rushes to perform her activities and duties. She needs to feel important. After all, she is a very busy person. She is always escaping, venturing outward to avoid going inward, the components, problems, and deficits of personality. She can’t be still or alone. Deep down, she fears her own company the most.
Stress-addicts are good people. They differ from hard working successful people in that in the case of stress addiction, all this busyness stems from the addict’s constant need to prove the self, suppressing feelings of unattractiveness, unworthiness and inadequacy seeping out through the seams of body and soul. It is a case of compulsion versus passion.
How can you tell that you are a stress addict and not merely a busy person who is responsible and reliable?
Self-test for Stress Addiction Awareness
Answer the following questions with a yes or no:
- Do you tune out during conversations thinking about other things?
- Do you feel rushed wherever you are because you feel that you ought to be completing the next task somewhere else?
- Are you irritable with others?
- Do you rate yourself according to the opinions of those with whom you interact? Do you seek a “Wow” as a response for what you do?
- Are you unable to ask for help?
- Do you perceive being on the receiving end as a sign of weakness?
- When you exercise, do you do it for longer than 60 minutes, five days a week?
- Are you always talking on your cell phone, even when taking a walk?
- Do you constantly check your appearance in the mirror?
- Do you feel uncomfortable, worried, and nervous in your mind or body when you don’t have something you must absolutely do right now?
If you answered yes to
3 questions: You are out of balance.
5 questions: You are losing your sense of self.
10 questions: You have hit the crash and burn zone.
The purpose of this questionnaire is to help you pause and notice.
Excerpt from pages 5-7 Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7- Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life (Wiley and Sons) – now available in paperback.
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