Growing up, my girlfriends couldn’t wait to hit the shopping malls and go to parties, the bigger the better–but I didn’t share their excitement. I always felt overwhelmed, exhausted around large groups of people, though I was clueless why. "What’s the matter with you?" friends would say, shooting me the weirdest looks. All I knew was that crowded places and I just didn’t mix. I’d go there feeling just fine but leave nervous, depressed, or with some horrible new ache or pain. Unsuspectingly, I was a gigantic sponge, absorbing the energy of people around me.
Thank goodness, as my intuition matured, I had a life-changing revelation. From conversations with other healers and from working with patients I realized I was experiencing intuitive empathy: the ability to sense what’s going on in others both emotionally and physically as if it were happening to me. Amazing at times, but also challenging. Let me explain the dynamics of empathy: the more people per square foot, the more our energy fields intersect–thus the tendency to become overloaded in high-density areas. This aspect of intuition is the most neglected and misunderstood.
I’m not referring to ordinary empathy–for instance, when you sympathize with a friend whose fiancee left her, or share your brother’s joy on the birth of his first child. Intuitive empathy goes way beyond. It’s the capacity to energetically merge with someone else and, for the moment, see life (positive and negative) through their eyes, sense the world through their feelings. If this describes you, it may be impossible to distinguish these sensations from your own, throwing you off center.
I know. I’ve been there. That my intuitive empathy has become a gift is mind-blowing–and a tremendous relief. Many of us never get to the good part of empathy because we’re not shown how. What ails us even eludes our doctors. We go in for care, but it’s like the blind leading the blind. No one know what’s going on. Empaths, unintentionally, can make even a good doctor’s life hell. They manifest such a barrage of "unexplained" treatment-resistant symptoms, that frustrated physicians write them off as hypochondriacs. Empaths are notoriously misdiagnosed. Patient after patient has come to me labeled "agoraphobic" or with "panic disorder," having received only minor respite from traditional treatments: valium and behavior therapy. Some were nearly house-bound. They’d all say, "I dread being in crowded places where I can’t make a quick escape. Forget department stores, busy streets, elevators, tunnels. I avoid them like the plague." Sounded very familiar. So I decided to take a history of how these people processed subtle energy in the world, something all healers must be trained to assess. Voila! I found many were undiagnosed empaths. For me, this changed everything. My job then became teaching my patients to center themselves and deal with the day-to-day nuances of energy more productively.
In my workshops I always inquire, "How many of you have intuitive empathy?" It’s astounding. Hands shoot up from at least a quarter of the room. Of those people, nearly everyone concurs, "I had no idea how to describe my feelings, let alone cope with them." Then they’d dangerously conclude, "I thought something was wrong with me for being ‘overly sensitive’." I want to dispel such a myth, illustrate how you can positively utilize this form of intuition in daily life. From telephone calls, letters, and feedback I receive during my workshops from New York to Omaha, I’ve seen how widespread empathy is. How do you know if you have it? What are the signs to look for?
Based on Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life by Judith Orloff MD
Judith Orloff MD, a psychiatrist and intuition expert, is author of the new book Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Harmony Books, 2009) Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. Dr. Orloff synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. She passionately believes that the future of medicine involves integrating all this wisdom to achieve emotional freedom and total wellness. She is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and has been featured on The Today Show, CBS Early Show, CNN, and in Oprah Magazine and USA Today
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Very enlightening. I am somewhat similar in the sense that I am such a homebody. I would so much rather have a very chill evening with two or three other people than go out clubbing!
The title of your post immediately grabbed me as I often find myself in the same sort of emotional situation like that of which you described in your first paragraph.
I agree with Yumi – the post was wonderfully enlightening. I know I'll be more aware of my surroundings and my inner workings the next time I'm in a group situation.
Hi Dr. Orloff,
I highly enjoyed this post, thank you for sharing with us. Is there a simple method to switch off the empathy in such inappropriate situations, or block the incoming energy, or is avoidance the best defense? Or even in a one on one where our other is radiating negative energy? I'm not an empathic sensitive, I think, but I am very curious now that I know how common this is. Love and Blessings,
Ed
I believe that to some exent we all have it, but we all haven't devoted much of who we are to it. For some, as it was for you earlier, it was overwhelming. In this case, there may be two more common approaches: stay with and integrate it into your being, or, focus on other things so that those feelings dissipate. This is not always a concious decision, and there is no right or wrong.
This may be closely related to boundaries, and how comfortable one feels in their own being.
Yes I do.
I have experienced that when I am with people who are low or depressed, my energy levels go down too or sometimes I even act as a sponge to take away it from them. Same way if I am with a bunch of over enthusiastic people, for some time it is all euphoric, but later on I feel drained off with respect to my energy levels. Thanks for sharing the post.
Many times throughout my life I have been told that I am "just too sensitive" and Yes, I have felt like an emotional sponge all my life… rising to the heights and falling to the depths with the sway of other peoples emotions….
Thank you, Judith… I am a follower of your work since reading "Second Sight". I am currently reading Intuitive Healing and Positive Energy is on deck
I will look at Emotional Healing but I must tell you that this "transformational leaders" promo with its "100 free gifts" that is being done by that group of people greatly turns me off, even tho I highly respect and follow many of them… seems too grandiose IMHO and not necessary…. its affect has been to turn me AWAY… just a heads up…
I also understand that this is an ego block on my part… something I am trying to work with…
Love you,
Blessings,
Pam
Hi Dr. Orloff,
Thank you for the information. I am 25yrs old and I am not the average chick. I am very much a home body and I avoid crowds and everyone other then my family. I have one true best friend but I know many people. I have tried for many years to understand why I avoid people as much as possible and although I can be an extremely outgoing person at times in all honesty I tend to feel safe in my own space. I am the youngest of five kids and I was born with a twin sister who is very ill. In many ways I feel that b/c of that I have issues. I can cope with peoples pain, sadness, happiness, but above all I can truly put myself in other people
Emotional Freedom is pure…. this inner freedom traps one into an existence of such keen balance, there is nothing else but openness. This freedom doesn't mean sadness or grief is not felt. It means that those emotions are embraced because the fear of them lives here no more.
The purity of emotional freedom is I am no longer afraid to love whole-heartedly. I am not defensive, not angry, and have no wall around me to protect myself from the chance of being hurt. I see with clear eyes. The wall of protection hurt me far greater than anyone else could.
Compassion is understanding you because I finally understood myself. Intuition is a gift all of us have ~ and it tells all of us we are worthy of our own sacred, loving space within us.
Thank you for the opportuntity to write here. I hope later to write about living an intuitive and energy-sensitive life. Finally! We are aware!
Love,
Jules
After many, many years being a "grown-up" and putting the pieces of my jigsaw puzzle, aka as my life, together, or should I say, back together? I've felt so at odds with myself — voila! — light bulb went on (after much digging deep) — I was raised in a "fishbowl" as an extrovert, when all along I was an introvert! I can so relate to Yumi's words. I am also a "sponge" and ever learning to deal with this "gift" — certainly did not see it as a gift but now I choose to think of myself, indeed, as a sponge — like a curious little child soaking up all the GOOD stuff (I only allow the good stuff now) in a wonderful, delightful and non-judgmental way!