INTENTION: FEELING LOVED AND VALUED.
HOW DO WE INTERACT WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE US FEEL BAD:
How does it really work? Why do we try sooo hard to heal ourselves, feel good, and just when we feel like we are there, someone says or does something and our energy level goes down completely? If it sounds familiar, I have some thoughts to share:
I realized a while ago, that my confidence level and how I see myself has a lot to do with how others treat me. The more love and kindness I give to myself, the more I get from others.
It might be working on several levels:
First: You declare your self worth to the universe, and it becomes your reality.
Second: The better you get at loving yourself, the more you get to know yourself as you pay attention to great qualities you have. You pay attention to what makes you happy. You tap into that feeling of joy, which you become more and more aware of… As you feel better, you share your experience, and you attract people who are like minded.
Third: As your confidence level starts going up, the abuser, the negative, the angry, the miserable all start leaving the house, They just don’t feel home anymore, since you are on a completely different frequency…
We can not change others, but we can choose who we let into our lives, and how close we get with them. A very negative person might decide to change one day, when he/she is ready to do so, not when we need them to. It is very important to keep ourselves protected. Not by fear, but by the knowledge, understanding of the cycle and the tools we have.
It is your CHOICE to either to help or stay away from a negative person. If they don’t welcome your help, it may be because they need more time and their own space until they are ready to transform their thoughts..
When you can not peacefully communicate with someone, try to see something good in them. (very challenging) I sometimes feel that they are unhappy inside. It’s nice to offer help but make sure you do not risk your own piece of mind, self love and self worth.
Love yourself first. Treat yourself kindly, and others will start treating you much better too. It’s a statement you need to make and let others see, declare it! You are important!
Set your boundaries. Learn to say "no" and not feel guilty. (It has a lot to do with the feeling of self worth.) Give yourself credit for your work, your business, your relationships, your health…. Every day is an accomplishment. (But remember, work is what you DO not who you ARE).
Recharge: If you were a cell phone or digital camera you would need to charge your batteries. Find ways to relax. Take a long bath, get a massage, just lay down on your bed and stare at the ceiling while listening to soft music, the best is when you close your eyes and think of something that makes you smile, someplace that you love, someone that you love to be with or something that you love doing. (all of them combined sounds great) . imagine that you are in that place… It gets better and better with practice. You can even do it at work during short breaks.
Quiet times are the most important part of our daily lives. That’s when you are really alone with the Real You. Do you want to meet your higher self? It is the time.
Give others… Giving your love, your time, your attention, your money is a happy feeling when it comes from the heart. Not expecting is the key, tapping into that special feeling inside you, brings you more of many great things. It makes you happy because it helps you to see your own kindness. As you get used to just giving (without expecting anything in return), that’s when the real transformation starts.
Say hello to your true self…
Gulay Ersoz Goddard
"Why do we try sooo hard to heal ourselves, feel good, and just when we feel like we are there, someone says or does something and our energy level goes down completely?"
this is exactly how i feel most of the times..lets say 90% of the times.. everyone keeps talking about "love yourself" but i somehow dont get what "love yourself" means.. is it pampering yourself..?? if it is i do it a lot of times.. but why dont i get treated like i am important.. whats going wrong??
i am not sure when i will find an answer to this.. anyways.. wonderful article!!
Love and peace,
Priya
this is simply fantastic. thanks for sharing your point of view.
Wish you love, peace and happiness.
Trisha
.
Hi Priya,
Thank you very much for the comment.
My understanding of loving yourself is being kind to yourself, being aware of the qualities that you have, focusing on the good ones and giving yourself credit for the little steps that you take to better yourself, the world, the future generation. (Give yourself credit for reaching out, taking action by being a member of this site, reading blogs, looking for answers, trying to heal your soul. You could have easily chosen to sleep or watch TV instead)
To understand what it means to love yourself, go to basics: Define what LOVE means to you. Your definition of love might be completely different than others'.
Many say unconditional love does not exist. I do not agree with that. I loved my daughter even before she was born, I loved my cats, my dogs, my mom. I did not "like" what they did and the way they behaved at times but, I never stopped loving them. I saw and acknowledged the things were not perfect about them, but still could not imagine a life without their presence. I loved that sweet feeling in my heart, the butterflies, the little flickering I felt in my heart. I loved to see them happy. I think this feeling is LOVE.
Then, Think about yourself. If it is too hard for you to feel that honest thinking of who you are today, go back in time. Close your eyes and remember yourself as a child. A child, pure, innocent, who needs love, nurturing and lots of hugs. A child who did not know how to use her words, could not communicate the way she wanted to, and got very frustrated from time to time. Remember how good it felt to be hugged, and held by your mother or your father when you were angry, helpless and sad. What do you think helped you more dealing with your big feelings? Positive, loving encouragement, the love that you see in their eyes, understanding, hugs, ensuring that you were not going to be abandoned; or critisizm, harsh words, Intimidating looks, threats, punishments, and time outs?
This is how you identify what makes you feel loved. (I simply remember a lot of those cozy feelings, mostly my mother hugging me, the next best thing was to go cuddle with my dogs. Still to this day, nothing works as good as the physical connectedness for me).
When we critisize ourselves and expect the perfect behavior all the time, we constantly remind ourselves that we are not good enough. Then comes other negative stuff… Feeling guilty, incomplete, imperfect, not enough, no good, sinful, bad, stupid, not loveable and many more… But, just like we needed time to learn how to communicate, and use our words as a child, we also need time to acquire the skills that we need to do things better. (And again, I would also question the concepts of good, better, best. What is better and good for you might be different than what society pushes on us). To love yourself, you need to learn to give love and acceptance to yourself, even if you feel that you were not perfect. In fact, give yourself empathy, offer understanding for loosing your cool or your focus. (You are human, and being independent is overrated. We are social beings, we need others and it is OK ).
The next step is to just let the good thoughts come to you, and focus on the good and positive, and do not let the shortcomings or mistakes occupy your mind. Focus on the good, let the bad go away. If you are familiar with meditation, do that. Every day, even if it means three minutes to you… Close your eyesand think of all the things you LOVE about yourself… If your mind wonders, it is OK too.. Do not beat yourself up for not meditating perfectly
There is no perfect, these are just the definitions and labels other people use. One true thing to really commit to is to be grateful for being who you are, if you are not there yet it is OK too, commit to never giving up trying.
The act of giving is very important. Give kindness and love yourself, your baby self, your child self, your teenager and grown up self… Keep remembering your innocent self needing hugs. Give yourself just that. Look at your childhood pictures, try to rememer how good or bad you were feeling at the time… If it is a bad feeling that you just ran into, be your own parent, and help that little girl deal with the situation… Keep practicing, different times, different ages, different pictures… And one day, you will be comfortable enough to offer that to the picture you see in the mirror.
You deserve it. You don't need to wait until someone else rescues you. Your inner child needs you NOW.
When it comes to the effect of others' negativity. What do you think is the best thing to do if your inner child (little cutie) was in that situation?How would you have guided and helped her if you were the mom? Just do that.