5 Reasons You Don’t Need To Be Perfect to Attract a Good Man

Beautiful woman with flowers

Perfection is overrated…I promise. Men don’t need a woman to be flawless to be attracted to her.

After years of listening to women in my private practice, many women seem to think that men expect nothing less than perfection. If you were to visit some popular men’s websites you would certainly think that unless a woman is both highly attractive and incredibly accommodating, that men have no interest. This is not really accurate. At least not in the way you might think.


Here are 5 reasons why trying to be perfect for a man is a waste of time:

1.    Men naturally find women appealing. Here’s an exercise that will illustrate my point. The next time you are in a crowded area take a moment and casually look around at the men. Take at least 5 minutes and you will find that the men are all looking at the women. All of the women! They will be looking at the tall ones, short ones, skinny ones, curvy ones and on and on and on…. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and see for yourself.

2.    Men will believe what you want them to. Years ago I had a recently divorced client who had 4 small children. On a particularly difficult day she tearfully said to me, “What guy is going to want to be with a woman who has 4 children under the age of 7?” My answer to her was that if that’s her view, then she should not marry.Yet, if she viewed the fact that her children were wonderful and not a burden then men would likely see her children not as a burden but an extra bonus. Within 1 year she was married. Her current husband never thought of her children as anything other than a wonderful extension of his new bride.

3.    Authentic is more appealing than Perfect. Every woman knows the feeling of seeing a man snap his head around to look at a striking woman as she walks by. What most women don’t notice are the women that men describe as, “there’s something about her.” Those women may or may not be the tallest, most attractive, youngest, etc. They seem to have an effortless power to attract men. That quality is their ability to be authentic. They are comfortable with themselves and men not only notice that quality, they feel it.

4.    Look at who men do marry. This may sound simplistic but I often illustrate this to women by asking this question:“If you had a choice between two men and everything about them was exactly the same, with the exception of one being worth millions and one being poor, who would you prefer? Would you select the wealthy one, or the one who was poor?”

Answer: If they were equal in all other aspects, most women state that they would choose the wealthy gentleman. I mean, why not if everything else is equal?

A man would be wrong to assume that just because a woman likes the characteristic of a man with money that she cannot love a man unless he is wealthy. In fact, most women I speak with tell me this, “It isn’t that he has to make a certain amount, but I would like to know that he has the potential to make enough for me to feel comfortable.” In fact, most women are willing and/or expect to help out financially.

This same standard applies to men. If given the choice between a woman whom they believe is very attractive, and one who appears to take no interest in her appearance, they will choose the attractive one. This doesn’t mean that they will only consider a woman who is striking. Take a look at most married men and you will see thatplenty of women who would not be considered “perfect” have husbands who choose to marry them and feel lucky about their decision.

5.    It’s the Frog we Fall in love with and Not the Prince. This may seem like something your mother would tell you but it’s actually true. It’s the unique qualities about a woman that make a man bond with a woman. In fact, if a woman never complains, gets upset or shows any fear then men are actually more likely to describe her as, “boring.”

What’s true is that trying to be perfect isn’t what makes a woman more appealing. Those women who understand how appealing they are to men, simply by being a woman, are the ones that seem to be at ease around men. Men can’t help but notice how comfortable they are with themselves and it makes them say to themselves, “there’s something about her.”


Bob Grant, L.P.C. is the author of the bestselling relationship book, “The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want To Leave.” For the past 20 years he has provided unique and powerful insights for thousands of men and women in over 50 different countries. You may visit him at www.relationshipheadquarters.com.

Originally published in 2011



  1. i think some women feel this way because popular culture teaches men (quite insultingly to our intelligence) that the "perfect" woman is the one with the "perfect" body (as defined by the flavor of the month), as well as teaching women to be this as well in order to attract a man. and too many men and women fall for this nonsense. the whole problem comes from defining yourself and your relationship to others based on external criteria instead of internal ones: "what i look like," "what i have," instead of "who and how i really am."

    i don't understand the validity of your fourth point. you seem to be contradicting everything else you say by advocating a choice based on external criteria and not internal ones. to me this simply reinforces the argument you're trying to defeat. my experience has taught me that the answer to the posed question would be: "the one my heart truly desires."