The Course in Miracles tells us that Source/God knows that there is nothing to forgive; every single one of us is totally innocent — purely, all the time, completely innocent. But we humans are often holding another measuring stick, and we don’t know how to let that go. We believe that if we don’t hold others accountable we will be hurt, harmed in some way, used. So we hold others "accountable for a transgression" thinking it will protect us. We are at that time, withholding allowance or acceptance, we are judging, and to me, that is the crux of why it hurts. Deep inside we know that the “other” IS innocent, but in that moment, we are unable to see that.
Abraham teaches us that there are only two emotions really – one feels good, one feels bad. We give emotions dozens of names, but they all fall into one category or the other. In Conversations with God it states that there are only two emotions as well, stating that one is love, the other is fear. The Course in Miracles boils it down even further, saying that there is love, and a lack of love, but that ultimately love is all there is. All of these ways of looking at it are (to me) true. I, personally, like the idea that when we can allow others to be as they are, without judgment, we are in alignment with how Source/God sees them, we are loving, we feel good. When we hold our “measuring stick,” and judge others in one way or another, we are not allowing them to be who they are, and we are; therefore, out of alignment with Source/God’s perspective, we are not loving, and that never feels good. So I tend to use the words allowing or acceptance rather than forgiveness, but essentially they are interchangeable.
So how do we, when we feel that another has transgressed, get from a state of non-allowance to allowance? In a nutshell, how do we let go?
I believe that forgiveness is a process, but not necessarily one of “forgiving" per se; it is the process of understanding. Despite the fact that forgiveness is a verb in the English language, forgiveness is not actually an action, it is not a “thing” that we do. Forgiveness is a grace, bestowed on us from Source/God, and we don’t do it as much as we allow it in. It doesn’t take time to forgive – that happens in an instant — but it can take time to come to a full enough understanding that we can allow the grace of forgiveness.
I recently read (wish I could recall from where) a little scenario that exemplifies this truth. Let’s say you are sitting at a swimming pool relaxing, reading and wanting to be alone. Someone is splashing you. You cannot see who it is because there is a deck chair between that person and you — but the splashing continues and becomes ever more aggressive. Finally, you are nearly drenched, your book is soaking wet, and you are angry at the rude intrusion of your “space.” You get up intending to let this person know that you are NOT going to put up with this inconsiderate behavior any longer. At that moment are you feeling forgiveness of this person? Of course not, you are angry, you feel "invaded" by this action. Then you get up and walk around the deck chair — only to discover that the person who was splashing you is a small child, entangled in the filter system – in fact, this child is DROWNING — and no one else has noticed. Now, at that very instant, do you still feel your anger? Or has the anger and irritation vanished, replaced with a desire to assist? I am certain that you now would be feeling profound forgiveness of the perceived transgression – and it happened the very instant you understood the truth of the situation. Instead of the former anger and irritation, you feel compassion, concern, love and all you can think of at that moment is that you want to save him, help him, and not let his suffering continue. Forgiveness just happened! You didn’t do it, you weren’t even trying to forgive, you were angry!! What happened was simply, and profoundly, that you understood, and forgiveness came of its own accord, a grace bestowed upon you.
So my point here is that the "process" we speak of is very real, but it is not the process of the doing forgiveness, or even intending forgiveness, as the story above illustrates. Forgiveness happens in an instant. But the process of understanding sufficiently to reach a state of forgiveness, or allowing, can take a short time, or a long time, depending on the persons and situations.
This is a subtle difference, but coming to know through The Course that forgiveness is utterly un-necessary since everyone is always innocent, left me reeling and confused. It ran against everything I thought I knew at the time, but this has helped me to integrate the whole thing, to reach for and arrive at understanding, and then forgiveness is truly automatic at that point. Once understanding has replaced judgment it is effortless to allow the grace of forgiveness in.
So as we talk of the need to forgive, it is important to hold in mind what the process we are undertaking actually is. I think this is especially important as we strive to forgive ourselves. With the scenario above, it is not out of the realm of possibility that you would later begin to hold yourself in a state of non-forgiveness. After all, here was a drowning child, incapable of saving himself, and you were ANGRY with him. This would be a time when forgiving yourself would be so important. So in the process of finding the understanding that allows forgiveness to happen, you could first remind yourself that at the moment of your anger you did not have full understanding of the situation. You felt invaded and assigned a meaning to the circumstances that was not accurate. Now you know that the initial meaning you gave it was wrong, but it was a logical assumption to make, given the information you had. As you gained more information, the meaning you assigned shifted, it was more in alignment with the truth, so you can now apply the same principle to yourself, and choose to allow your new understanding to “let yourself off the hook” as well.
So what of the times when our first assessment is accurate? Say that in the pool scenario it had been an adult displaying inconsiderate and rude behavior? First we need to remember that “inconsiderate” and “rude” are judgments. There could be many reasons that this person was doing that other than “just to be rude.” We need to remind ourselves that our wonderful brains, with their superb calculating capacities, will always strive to fill in the blanks when we don’t have all the facts. That is what brains do naturally and automatically – it is a portion of what makes us human. But while our brains have that ability, it is often wrong in it’s assessment. Maybe that man in the pool saw you and thought you were the most gorgeous female he had ever seen in his life! Being shy, this was the only way he could think of to get your attention. If that were the situation, I would guess that you would feel (at the least) flattered and not angry. Or maybe he was just a really fun-loving guy. Or maybe he was actually trying to splash someone else and got you by accident. Maybe he was in such a state of euphoria and joy he was totally unaware that his antics were getting you wet. It really doesn’t matter what the “truth” here is, only the fact that there are always things we do not know, the knowing of which could change everything. So since we are “making it all up” anyway, why not make up something that at least makes US feel better, and has the added benefit of allowing forgiveness into our hearts in the process?
One of the things that used to upset me greatly was being cut off in traffic. I would silently, or not so silently, rail against the “transgressor” – sometimes for miles after the actual event. It occurred to me one day while I was getting my insides in an uproar – and living with the consequences of that – that the “culprit” was driving on, oblivious of their actions, and was (no doubt) not upset at all. So deciding that I needed to forgive this person that day, I consciously began to “tell myself a new story” – after all, since I was not privy to the facts of why that person did that, whatever I told myself was a “story” anyway. I figured I might as well make one up that at least made ME feel better. What popped into my head was that this person had a horrible, urgent, neeeeeeeeeed to get to a bathroom due to uncontrollable diarrhea! The first thing I felt at that moment was compassion – I had been in that situation in my life. The next thing that happened was I started to giggle, then to laugh. I mean, that thought was pretty funny! Within just a few minutes I had gone from cussing that S.O.B. for his “rudeness,” to feeling compassion, and then laughter. Whoa, that moment got my attention! The mental image and the immediate shift in my energy was powerful. So now I just assume that if someone cuts me off they have a horrible case of diarrhea, and go on about my day. I often, now, even find myself hoping that they get to the bathroom in time, and send them positive energy for that to happen.
To summarize, if I am not in a state of allowing others to be who they are, without any judgment, then I am in a state of un-forgiveness. If I am allowing others to be who they are fully, then I am in a state of forgiveness. Pretty basic, actually, and yet it has tripped me up for years – decades even! The process I use to get from one state to the other is to reach for more understanding. Sometimes I can find more facts and achieve a level of understanding that allows me to forgive, to allow, and let go of the judgment. Other times I cannot ever find out what the “truth” is – but I can always tell myself something that makes me feel better, which indicates that I have let go of the judgment, and that is allowing, that is forgiveness, that is freedom.
A quote that I love is:
"To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover that the prisoner was YOU! ~author unknown
Dear Kitty, I always believe when we are shown things over and over, esp. in 3's that we are getting strong messages. I believe this is what has happened here. I wrote another quite lengthy comment on your blog from yesterday. And guess what a lot of it was about – Yep good ole forgiveness. I also wrote about it on Hermien's intent today.
So to me this is Spirit wanting us all to look closely at the subject.
As I said – think it was in Hermien's intent (but can't be sure any more) that forgiveness is so very important and we need to step back and observe the feeling of unfogiveness. I firmly believe and know that where there is unforgiveness whether it is for ourselves or others, we need to reach out in love. To do that is to forgive without holding any strings to it. We need to forgive in this way – knowing that we are not necessarily condoning what the other may or may not have done. What we are doing is saying that we are not willing to carry around baggage from this feeling. We do not even have to say it to the person. We just have to say it with love and let it go. It is for ourselves and not for anyone else. We have to know that everyone is doing the best he/she can do and not judge anything. I feel judgment is one of the strongest negative based feelings we can have. I always told my son to make a fist then point his index finger outward. Then look at you hand. I told him "when you point one finger at someone there are 3 more pointing back at you." I know I got off track with that but that is a big thing for me.
I love all you said and also the way you brought the thoughts and teachings of several into the mix. I always believe we should do that with everything. We can read and read and get different views and that is great but then we need to look at them all and see what resonates with us and our inner being.
Love you my dear sister. Again I thank you so much for writing about a very important issue.
Angel hugs,
Linda
Linda,
You said it all — I JUST now posted a reply to your comment on the last blog entry and I asked you if you had seen this one or noticed the synchronicity here! And literally, WHILE I was writing that you were writing this! I say it so often, but I adore and revel in the alignment when these things happen!
And I know that you are so correct when you say that when things keep coming up like that it is a sure fire sign from Source/God that we need to take a deeper/longer look at it. I know I will be doing some internal searching to see what is in it for me, that's for sure!
And thank you so much for your compliment. I do read a lot, and have for most of my life, beginning at the age of 10 or 11 with the entire Seth material. Pretty heavy reading for a 10 year old, but I was consumed with a need to understand death. Like I mentioned to you in the other note, I had experienced a lot of "death" in my life, beginning at the age of just 2 1/2 months old, so I began a powerful seeking at a very early age.
I am so appreciating you, Linda. I tell myself that I "shouldn't" be surprised at it any more, but the steady flow of synchronicities here has truly blown my socks off. And I LOVE IT!!!!!
Smilin' and Grinnin' from ear-to-ear,
Kitty
Yes, they do and I posted on your other one too!
I also just posted and intent for people to read blogs of their friends. These are too, too important to go unread. So hopefully some will see my intent and check them out!
Luv ya,
Linda
Thank you for your encouragement Kitty, this is the first time I have really told my story to anyone other than a counceler. She spoke to me on six occasions and suggested I become a counceler. I feel that is what I already do with my clairvoyant/psychic readings. The angels always seem to send me clients with whom I can identify. I enjoy my job as it is. I have so much more to write. I have gone through a lot of healing, but opening up and writing my experiences for others to see will be the final part of the healing process for me. I have received so much support through this site already (only a few days) that already things in my life have started to change. Love and Light from Angel Spirit
Christina,
Wow, the FIRST time? Then you are even MORE courageous than I originally thought!
It can be quite scary and difficult to be so transparent in a public way, but I have found that that is the only way to truly connect with others.
My interpretation of what you said about opening up and sharing your experiences with others being the "final part" of the healing process, is that only genuine love can heal, so only genuineness on our part can attract the very thing that will heal us.
Transparency, being our true selves (complete with perceived "warts" and other sundry "faults") is the only way we can let genuine love in. Otherwise we are not so sure that any love we receive is "real" — since WE know the truth of ourselves — so we wonder what the other might feel if THEY knew that truth too. So, being "out there" and "real" allows us to know that any love that comes back to us is based in truth, and therefore, is real. Being genuinely loved, exactly as we are, is the most healing thing I know of.
I applaud you for your willingness to be real! I adore that!
Kitty
Forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heal of the boot that has crushed it…and i dont know who said it!
funny how i was relating to cheri and I happened upon your blog…synchrodynamic!!
John,
I love that quote — I copied it to my "Favorite Quotes" file that I just started in my effort to get a bit more organized. Thank you for that gem!
And while I say this so often — I simply ADORE and REVEL in synchronicities and alignments. I have known for a long time that there are no "coincidences" — but watching these unfold still feels "magical" and "miraculous" to me! I so love that!!!
Thank you for being here, and for commenting. I appreciate it — and YOU — tremendously.
Lovin' Bein'
Kitty
It seems that whenever i write a blog that poses a question,someone else writes a blog with the answer.There are some wonderful minds out there!!
Oh, John, you are so right!!
This is an amazing place — and one I have barely scratched the surface of in nearly two months. I find what you said to be true so often — I barely pose a question in my mind and there is someone with either a blog or Intent or something that responds to it. Amazing!
So many of the writers here are incredibly good, and if they are not published, they "should" be. And while poetry is not my #1 thing, I have also enjoyed much poetry here too. (Dom Colucci being just one of many that comes to mind.) The many perspectives and various "paths" bring smiles to my heart daily. I simply cannot speak highly enough of this place in Cyberworld. I am not a big-time Internet user — I normally do my email with clients, and have found a few other sites that I particularly like — but when I stumbled into Intent (realizing there are NO coincidences) I felt the love and energy here immediately! I am so glad that you are here now too, you bring a wonderful energy to the mix!
Love,
Kitty
I sometimes feel like the needy step brother asking for money,,,only its answers I need haha!
I dont have the education or maybe the experience some folks on here have but I think what I bring to the table here is that I am a pretty good student of human nature,Iam an observer with an empathetic eye. I used to blog on myspace for my family and on blogspot just because I think I am more honest when I write ,my social mask tends to make me a people pleaser.Those sites were ok but as you know my life is kind of crazy now with little direction.I am focused on changing things for the better and finding my purpose…and thats whats amazing about intent,there are a lot of folks who through tragedy or some sort of negative occurance,are looking like me….I dont walk around inspired 24/7 but i am trying
I will always be a little skeptical about some things that just dont feel right because like I said I am just an average guy looking for answers,,,I cuss,I tell dirty jokes from time to time,I flirt,I lose my temper,I like a good cabernet(ok thats a little snooty) and I have skeletons like everyone else but something is changing in me..and its good…..so im just gonna buckle up and take the ride,,,,,ok enough about me me me….
LOVE THEN LOVE SOME MORE……………
John,
That made me laugh out loud!!! I sooooooooooooo do not see you as a "needy step brother asking for money." I see you as a person who is honestly seeking, open to hear, and then willing to take what you find "inside" to see if it resonates with your being. There is not a better way I have ever found to "be." It is what I do, as well. I am also just an average gal, I have been known to cuss like a drill sergeant, tell (and laugh at) dirty jokes, I still lose my temper, have a drink now and then, and everything just like most people on the planet. My skeletons are now happily dancing around the room — and while it is not always comfortable to do so, I share whatever is true for me, and that sometimes shows me in a light I wish it didn't — but it is what it is. I also do not walk around inspired 24/7 — but I, too, am trying and getting there more and more.
My life has been a testimony to the fact that if I can change and shift, ANYONE can do that. Some do not want to hear it, some criticize me for it, but all of that matters ZERO to me. What matters to me is that I continue to grow, expand and evolve. In that process it is my desire to share so that those who are drawn to hear what I say have an opportunity to find hope. They will, no doubt, choose to do it differently than I did, we all do that. My desire is not to have people "follow me" or "my way" — my desire is to show that there are infinite amounts of hope and answers out there. So many have been that 'light in the dark' for me in my life, helping me to find my unique path, and I delight in passing that on to whatever extent that I can.
I mentioned somewhere here that I am a teacher, but first and foremost I am a STUDENT –in fact, I believe we are all both! I adore learning, have always loved school, and I continue to learn from every person I encounter. I am still doing just that — learning, growing, expanding and evolving, as we all are. I so appreciate that you are here, teaching and helping me as well.
Lovin' Bein'
Kitty
Hi you DEAR friends,
I am loving this dialogue! I love you both and your words are so inspiring and beautiful! I radiate to loving and genuine souls and of course you both are tops on that list!
I will always envision skeletons dancing around your room Kitty from now on! That is priceless!
I don't think we will ever tire of seeing the amazing things that unfold here in the community of love. I have said it before, we laugh, we cry, we share, we comfort each other and inspire each other all the time. When I log on each time I feel that love and my heart just swells with joy.
And I too don't give a hoot what some may think of what I say or who I am. That doesn't matter to me at all. (There was a time when it did and I see it as another lesson I have learned.) The love I receive from friends like you two is all that does matter.
Bless you both and I love you tremendously!
Linda
If i may fan the flames of mutual admiration…
Kitty,never in my life have i been so sure of a persons soul(as far as just meeting someone) than I am of yours.You put so much time and effort into things you want to share with people you dont really know. I sense one agenda-giving,I see how you actually make sure you are clear in what it is you want to share and are so deliberate in your words.The amount of information in your writings amazes me and to the friends that may reply to you,they are always validated in youre eyes…if i wrote"you suck" youd make me feel good about it..haha
linda,I have talked to priests,nuns,jahova witnesses,people from many religious backgrounds and have never really believed in angels,oh sure I thought they were this replica of me but only more transparent but it never made sense to me..you my dear have brought clarity to me about this,which also brings hope,,what you wrote about my granddaughter was perfect.It not only helped but it made sense to me because i can see this spiritual awakening playing out…I know you catch a lot of crap for this and even though you say you dont listen,I kind of feel it does bother you a bit…if it brings out some goodness and helps someone,it shouldnt matter to anyone..
love ya all
Linda and John,
Thank you both for your presence and love — I feel it through my little ol' laptop computer!
And John, you crack me up, you know that??? There are those that might not agree with your assessment, but I do know that if you wrote that I "suck" you would — no doubt — have a very good reason and basis for that comment. [grin]
Lovin' Bein'
Kitty
Thank you so much John,
I really, really don't care what others think or say. My family doesn't understand and although it is sad I know that some day they will not only understand but will be on board as well. So I just keep focused on doing what I am here to do. As far as others who have written with inferences to what I say, I ignore that too. I am a spiritual teacher and a good one at that and I look at it as the awakening that is coming and will be has to have some controvesy and that is how it should be. I admire Kitty because she does what she is so good at. I am in a different place. I am here to teach and help anyone who wants to know about the Angels and spiritual ideas and teach people how to heal. I have the best teachers in the world and they tell me to call myself an "authority" on the subject. I don't go so far as to say it but I do know in my heart and soul that I do know what I am talking about. How could I not know when the Angels tell me all and guide me to those who I can give advice and teach?
So when there are different viewpoints I am fine with that but I then step aside. Kitty is the one to help others through those things. That is why she is doing such a wonderful job. She is here to do just that.
My role is to teach and talk to anyone who has questions and wants to learn from me. I don't expect anyone to listen or understand if they don't want to do so. We all are on our paths and I just stay on mine.
This is one of the things I love about being here. There is such a diversity yet there is a commonality too. We all are friends with who we should be friend's with and are just lead to each other.
Thank you both – I cannot express how much I care for the both of you!
Love and many blessings my dear friends,
Linda
Wow Kitty you have really opened up a whole new mindframe here by shedding a totally new light on forgiveness. Real forgiveness is sometimes hard to achieve or feel but your explanation is spot on… and the freedom forgiveness gives is so amazing.
Kitty like John says above you take time to make the most complex things look crystal clear…thats a rare gift. I am so glad I came upon your blog and am loving reading and commenting on your posts…yes it is alignment as I needed this in my life.
Much love
Sati
Sati,
I am so happy that you enjoyed this blog. I have found that forgiveness is such a hard concept for many (myself included) in that people often tend to "beat themselves up" when they don't find a WAY to accomplish it. But, as I stated in the blog, it is so much more a process of coming to an understanding than anything else. Once we find an understanding of the situation, forgiveness does, indeed, come of it's own accord. Of course, setting the intention of arriving at forgiveness is an important first step, and then from there to reach for understanding, will bring us to where we want to be — forgiving and even loving the person we were have problems forgiving.
And thank you for your kind words about my writing it. I love to write, and even more, I love it when others find benefit from what I have experienced and written.
Bless you, Sati, and again, please feel free to write to me whenever you feel inclined or inspired, or if any questions come up.
Lovin' Bein'
Kitty