Giving to Others: Should I Give Because Not Giving Would Make Me Guilty?

By on October 28, 2009 in Work & Life

 Question:

Every time I’m in my car and drive up to an intersection with a beggar, I’m caught in a moral dilemma, namely, whether or not to give something such as food or small change. I feel this to be a dilemma for the following reasons: First, if I’m giving money, I don’t know whether or not its going to be used for good or for vices such as drugs and alcohol, in which case I’m not helping the person at all. But second and more importantly, by giving food or money, am I not teaching the beggar to keep coming back to beg, and thereby similarly exacerbating his/her condition? (I know if I offered them a job this would not be the case, but I’m not in a position to do so yet). Third, if I’m giving out of guilt, then I give to assuage my own guilt, and am thus ultimately thinking of myself and not what’s best, in the long term, for the beggar. I find myself confused and not knowing what to do each time I am in this situation. I would be grateful for any perspectives you may be able to offer.

Answer:

You have only given reasons why you are reluctant to give spare change to those at intersections, but you clearly want to give or think you should give, or it  wouldn’t bother you. So what you need to consider is what giving really means to you. That is more important than what they do with your pocket change or what lesson you think are teaching.

If you find you like giving for its own sake, then keep some change handy and give it away when you see someone in need. Do it because it makes you feel good, not because if you don’t you’ll feel guilty.  Being in a position of help someone, even slightly, is  fortunate position to be in and it should be a joy to help when you can, not a moral burden.

Love,

Deepak 

deepakchopra.com

 

 

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About Deepak Chopra

Time Magazine heralded Deepak Chopra as one of the 100 heroes and icons of the century, and credited him as "the poet-prophet of alternative medicine." Entertainment Weekly described Deepak Chopra as "Hollywood's man of the moment, one of publishing's best-selling and most prolific self-help authors." He is the author of more than 50 books and more than 100 audio, video and CD-Rom titles. He has been published on every continent and in dozens of languages. Fifteen of his books have landed on the New York Times Best-seller list. Toastmaster International recognized him as one of the top five outstanding speakers in the world. Through his over two decades of work since leaving his medical practice, Deepak continues to revolutionize common wisdom about the crucial connection between body, mind, spirit, and healing. His mission of "bridging the technological miracles of the west with the wisdom of the east" remains his thrust and provides the basis for his recognition as one of India's historically greatest ambassadors to the west. Chopra has been a keynote speaker at several academic institutions including Harvard Medical School, Harvard Business School, Harvard Divinity School, Kellogg School of Management, Stanford Business School and Wharton.His latest book is "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul."
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10 Responses to Giving to Others: Should I Give Because Not Giving Would Make Me Guilty?

  1. Marte October 27, 2009 at 9:49 pm #

    Always, Deepak, you get to the heart of the matter. I keep some one dollar bills in my car just for this purpose. I don't believe it is ours to make judgements about the person who is asking, but only to give when we can. Thanks for your great insights. http://www.liveinfreedomtoday.com

  2. ardverk October 28, 2009 at 3:13 am #

    When you meet a beggar, start there.

  3. Diablo October 28, 2009 at 6:37 am #

    What if one beggar meets another beggar?

  4. runestone0 October 28, 2009 at 6:45 am #

    I've given money to homeless people, suspecting they would spend it on drink. In the winter, I figured it would keep them warm, at least in their own minds. You just can't save the world; no one is in a position to do so.

  5. ardverk October 28, 2009 at 6:55 am #

    You can say that again, Diab ;)

  6. Angel Rose Mitford October 28, 2009 at 7:12 am #

    So simply stated…so deeply noted! Thank you Deepak!!

    Giving should come from the heart, not the ego!

    Share what you can, when you can, without judgement!

  7. Diablo October 28, 2009 at 1:19 pm #

    Damn, Granpa!

  8. rishi October 28, 2009 at 5:38 pm #

    I know a person who carries "McDonald's" or some food chain gift cards. I thought this was very smart.

    You can donate and have intent that this person life condition changes. Will that intent come true or not it is not in our control. Ancient scripture states that, we can control our choices but not the consequences.

  9. zenmonk October 28, 2009 at 5:49 pm #

    It's the giver who should be grateful. Not the recipient.

  10. LindsayT October 29, 2009 at 1:48 am #

    The true essence of being generous is when you give without counting the cost. We are not obliged to share what we have, it