Times have changed. The days of Rhett Butler telling Scarlett O’Hara he didn’t give a damn are long gone. That’s a shame in some ways. At least it made dating simple. Nowadays, guys try to be considerate in an attempt to not hurt your feelings. His miscues make it hard to know whether he’s really into you, just wants to be friends or would love for you to switch phone plans. While words might not be his strong point, his actions are. Keep an eye out for these kinds of behavior.
- He actively takes an interest in you and what you have to say. He’s not just nodding and smiling and checking his watch every five minutes like you’re trying to sell him life insurance. There’s eye contact. He’s actively listening. He’s asking questions, relating things you say to his own experiences. If he’s really good, he’ll remember something you said and incorporate it in a future date. Try not to act too surprised.
- He’s forthcoming. He wants you to know about him. This manifests itself in a bunch of ways. He’ll share personal details about himself. He’ll even be eager to cough up basic factoids such phone numbers, his address and place of work. If he isn’t giving up this kind of info, then he doesn’t want you tracking him down — or he’s Batman or Superman. So if he doesn’t live at Wayne Manor or the Fortress of Solitude, give it up.
- He’ll mark his territory. He won’t pee on you or anything per se, but he will exhibit some animal behavior. If he’s decided he wants you as his female, he won’t want to lose you. If there’s any chance that you might be snapped up by another male, he’ll stake his claim. He’ll be tactile with you, slipping an arm around you, possibly posturing and standing up when another guy walks onto the scene. Watch out for some regression to a more primitive man. If you hear grunting, don’t panic. It’s his way of saying he likes you.
- He calls you back. Despite the stereotype, he will call you back. If you’re a girl in demand, he won’t want you to be the one that got away, so he’ll call you to set up the next date or ask how you’re doing. If you’re getting calls for no reason, that’s a good thing. However, you may want to invest in a good phone plan.
- He’ll check you out. You’ll bring out his spy skills in a good way. He’ll talk to your friends to get the 411 on you. He wants to know more about you — your past, your present, your likes and dislikes, water hazards, etc. He’s doing his homework because he wants to impress you. He’s gathering this intelligence so he knows how best to woo you.
- He’s flirtatious. Guys get playful around women they like. It’s a little dance he’s doing around you to show his interest and his daring. However, he’s not just being flirty, he’s also probing. He’s putting on a little show for you to see if you’ll reciprocate. The more you play, the more he stays. Now shake that tail feather.
- He’s always planning ahead. If he digs you, he won’t want you getting away from him. To make sure you aren’t prey to some other guy, he’ll be making plans for the next date before the current one is over. A full calendar is a good sign.
- He’s attentive. He’s been listening to you, and knows what you like and where you like to go. He treats you to your favorite things and places. He’ll spring surprises.
- He’ll blow off his buddies to be with you. It’s always tricky managing existing commitments with burgeoning relationships. There are bound to be conflicts of interest at the some point. So take it as a good sign when he’ll ditch going out with the boys to see you instead.
- Acts of selflessness. He’ll take one for the team of you and him. These can be large or small acts. They can be as small as holding your hair back for when you’ve got stomach flu, or as large as suffering through a Celine Dion concert and pretend he’s enjoying it because you’re a fan. Now “that’s the power of love.”
Okay, he’s doing his part, but what about you? You’ve got him wrapped around your little finger, but don’t get cocky. You can lose him in the blink of an eye with a few classic screw-ups.
- False Advertising. I understand that we all want to impress a potential new partner. It’s in our DNA. Only the fittest survive and only the most interesting get dates. So make yourself interesting, but please don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. Don’t say you were a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader if you weren’t. Don’t tell him you’re a party girl when you’re a bookworm. This is a double whammy. First, he’ll be POed because he believed your character enhancements. Second, you’re not the person he’s looking for. If he wants the party girl and you’re a bookworm, how long do you think that’s going to last? Keep it real, ladies.
- You get jealous for no reason. Okay, your previous guy cheated on you. That’s a shame, but not all guys are wired the same. So, if your current guy hasn’t done anything wrong, then give him the benefit of the doubt. Not even the Dalai Lama is going to put up with being accused of cheating or having you check up on him every five minutes.
- The Princess Complex. You’ve got a nice little thing going on with him, but suddenly it’s all about you and not about the two of you. Who died and made you queen?
- Letting yourself go. You were a dynamite package with you two starting dating, but the backless cocktail dresses and Jimmy Choos have been replaced by moo-moos and flip-flops. Just because you’ve hooked your dream guy doesn’t mean you can take your foot off the gas. If you don’t care about your appearance, don’t expect him to.
- Taking it too fast. It’s easy to get carried away with that guy in your life. You want to be with him every minute of the day, you think you should move in together and a summer wedding would be wonderful. That’s all super — as long as he’s just as keen. If he sees you streaking ahead of him, he’ll be making a U-turn, so watch your speed, Danica.
Copyright ©2009 Simon Oaks author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him — and How to Keep Him
It's so refreshing to hear a man's point of view! Thanks for a great post,
Karin
I agree with Karin. Fun post! Thank you!
You are my freakin hero! Thank you!
Peace.
I'm a hero. Yay me!!
Haha! Yea it was a good read!
The dog marking his territory grunting part was hilarious and a bit scary too!
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/04/0904…
we have come a long long way ah !!!
Maybe the chimps are onto something and the Atkins diet people should really jump on the benefits of this…
I am sending this to my four daughters!
XOXO
L
My work is done, Lauren. Well, for today anyway.
Very imformative article Simon! Will forward to my single friends.
May the Universe be yours…
Love,
Mina
http://www.theuniverseguru.com
I loved this article, i couldn't get my eyes to unglue from my screen…
I'm a journalism high school student and i found your article to be highly inspiring.
I enjoyed the article, but have a question for you. What does it mean when a mans hand shakes when he touches your hand? Is that a sign of interest as well?
lol, i'll try to keep that in mind. your article made me smile today
Very informative and insightful.wil 4ward this this 2 my single gals
I LOVED this article! So fun to read and dead on. Great point being made on the fake persona ..what's the point in that? You can't keep it up and what if he is THE one…you've started out your relationship on lies. You'll need a big shovel to dig out of that one!
SIDE NOTE: Does anyone else think Simon is a cutie?
wow I can't believe people find this interesting. Isn't everything very basic common sense?
and my i date one of your daughters!!!!
Simon, you did a fantastic job on this post! It reassured me that my boyfriend is into me big time! Your writing gave me a sense of peace and I am thankful for your gift of words. Keep doing what you are doing! All the best, M
A lot of what you have said is very true. A lot of people male and female don't realize which signs are just and which are unjust. Nonetheless, some people just need to wake up and read the signs that are put before them; a lot of the signs can and are obivious on both sides, and sometimes people see and recognize these signs, but for some reason won't allow their heart to follow towards those new endeavors that may lie ahead of them with a new mate that is showing they will and can treat them right and really excepts them for who they are.
Very well put Mr. Simon!
Much appreciated,
Jimmie L. Nelson IV
Very informative, but one thing that brought a question mark to me.
"The Princess Complex. You've got a nice little thing going on with him, but suddenly it's all about you and not about the two of you. Who died and made you queen?"
What about the guy that's made it suddenly about him? For example, I dated a guy and within the 6 months of the relationship, he was all about doing sweet things (foot and back massages, flowers, love notes, etc.) So when I started repaying the thoughtfulness, he suddenly stopped and didn't see that it mattered as long as "we were both happy".
These are great, but also fustrating! My "best friend" has each of these traits… summer trips, calling while on vacation, telling eachother our secrets, flirting, always telling me I am beautiful I can't handle it!! Why does he call me his best friend, act like more, and always make sure you add in that I'm just your Best friend.. UGH so annoying!
Thanks for the information though, I liked the ways to lose a guy!
pretty interesting column. helped me to know how to really let her know that i'm into her. Now i need some help knowing how to know if she's into me. what signs to look for? how do i get her (a new girl) into me?
i've seen a bunch of articles about me (men) for her but hardly any about her for me.
I think when a man's hand shakes when he touches you is a sign that he's interested. He's nervous because he likes you and he doesn't want to screw up. His ego places him under a lot of pressure. i Know i've gotten a little shaky over a girl i've liked.
kylie, if you screw up and you know it, the only thing you can do it be honest. Go back to your guy and tell him and ask for a second chance.
Your article is so true. All the signs proved that he was REALLY into me. But, I screwed up and he no longer talks with me. What can I do to win him back??
yes that is so true but i hate that possessiveness for now i’m to young to be bossed around because i had a guy who was just so i hope he gets someone better than me although, i’m not saying i’m not good enough but i’m just too young for a relationship and i believe good things come to those who wait
Thanks for your confirmation, he has done all of these things….
that sounds exactly like me! the only problem is that the girl i like doesn't like me she doesn't want anythin ta do with me! it sucks hard! Ive wrote he 3 letters an a 2 page love letter yet nothin! but anyways that a cool article an VERY true.
This is so scarry because everything on it is true. This is exactly what my boyfriend is doing right now.
Not all men are the same though. Many factors play a role in how men react to women. I caught my little sister reading these articles from Yahoo and I know that not everyone takes them to be undoubtably true or harmless fun. She does take these articles very literally and it is frustrating because instead of helping, articles like this only make situations more confusing for girls who are experimenting with relationship with the opposite sex. Please be considerate of the younger crowd when you post these articles up.
THank you.
OMG!!! This article has me like totally shocked. Me and my guy have like this well ok. Here's the story:
We have been dating for four months. Everything that described his actions he was doing. And this article only made me realize them, but then I read the part about me and Im so just surprised how on-point you were. I have been rushing, playing the princess part and getting relaxed just because now I have who I want.
But then, I read that a guy doesn't like to be acused of cheating because of a previous relationship and that's me.
So now, he's giving me space and time apart but im just like how could this possible help the situation if I always want him around me. Its awful, but this article was total a break through!
THANK YOU!
Any words on how to get me and him on good terms again?
sigh…where was this artcle last week~~awesome tips, wish I would have known earlier! but great none the less!
Not all men are the same though. Many factors play a role in how men react to women. I caught my little sister reading these articles from Yahoo and I know that not everyone takes them to be undoubtably true or harmless fun. She does take these articles very literally and it is frustrating because instead of helping, articles like this only make situations more confusing for girls who are experimenting with relationship with the opposite sex. Please be considerate of the younger crowd when you post these articles up.
THank you.
"Any words on how to get me and him on good terms again?"
Buy my book. :-0
Simon, did you write that "He Likes Me….Doesn't He? article? cause if you did im sooo scared of you….you were so on point. every single character trait you highlighted and elaborated on described the blissful relationship i was in only 2 months ago….and i ruined it. beautiful heart-break story… we knew each other since we were like 8 years old and just decided in January '09, 30 years after, that were gonna bust if we suppress our feelings anymore. He told everyone. He came to jamaica told my family (one by one) and our mutual friends how he felt about me (he said it was the proper thing to do..such a gentleman don't you think?
then he went back home told all his family, friends, neighbours, co-workers…..EVERYBODY about me. i felt so special, we were so sillily happy. He was the proverbial 'mr. right'.
Then I made 1 mistake and messed it up.
i did that thing you wrote about 'the female accusing the significant-innocent other of cheating', and he wasn't. I had a chronic case of ghosts-from-past- relationships creating a third eye and made me see what wasn't there. I acted on my paranoia without thinking, did the accusation thing and ended it without asking him anything. He was devastated, disappointed and embarassed and angry. so angry. i was so disappointed in myself i just let him vent for a few days and told him I agreed with everything he said. nothing i said got thru to him. its beyond repair now, he doesn't write back anymore.
What i found just fleetingly sad is that he didn't ask why either. guess i will never know. i still think hes the sweetest human being.
Right….(sorry for the rambling), i thought it was so odd when i read your post today, i was glued to my seat, it was as if you both spoke and he told you everything and then i just happened to stumble on intent.com today and then your post was the first one i read. you were too on point. scary coincidence, scary but sweet…maybe hes thinking about me
? never.
this is so true.
Yes, mocha, I wrote this but you don't have to be scared of me…
Good One. Just thinking if I can share it with her.