I have always been; I am now and ever shall be. There was never a time when I was not. This I is not the me-of-today, but the continuous thread of the Self. The me-of-today is a precious pearl adorning the Self. There are many such pearls and I am all of them.
The Self is a spark of the Divine; the me-of-today, a spark of the Self. I knew nothing of the bridge between me, Self and Divine. Experience separated me further and further, until I was sure I was me. Now this me stifles and hurts. This me stubbornly asserts its rightful existence.
Existence hurts yet there is beauty. Existence hurts yet there is love. Existence hates yet there is healing. Existence destroys yet there is growth. Existence tortures yet there is justice.
There is peace in turmoil; joy in depression; wisdom in greed; and power in helplessness.
The me exists in duality; the Self in wholeness. There is wholeness in duality. The existence of me-in-today is a seeming separation from the simultaneous existence of Self-in-Consciousness. The realm of pure Consciousness is hurt-free. The membrane of separation being highly permeable, Self and me dance intertwined. I let one seep into the other, dissolving ignorance in the unity of conscious existence.
Wholeness in duality is realized by the unity of conscious existence.
I exist in a physical body and I am simultaneously conscious in the nonphysical Self.
I occupy the vast region between matter and Consciousness. In this vast region Spirit always prevails. Spirit is hurt-free. And for that I give countless thanks.
It is out of love that Love hides. Hurt is Love, for without it there would be no evolution.
I choose to expand myself until I feel the unity of Love
Feeling the unity of Love, I see only Divine Order.
The core of my being is in Divine Order.
Unconditional Love fosters unconditional healing.
I love the me-of-today for giving me the lifetimes of obscuring and then revealing the Self. I love the Self for it is what I am.
I love the Divine for it is where the Self belongs.
I am able to love all others because I have a right relationship with me, who has a right relationship with the Self, who being anchored in Divinity recognizes Unity and the illusion of ‘other.’
I love the me-of-today to the depth of understanding that I no longer need to collect experiences in the rounds of incarnations. Such is my love that I live to become free. Without this great love, I would not allow myself to pierce the illusion of mortal existence. I am weary of experiences. I have reached a point where the pain of my life can no longer be ignored. It demands attention and respect. It will no longer tolerate denial, numbing or distraction. It has center stage and the wings are full of its cohorts.
This admission and commitment I make and the lights go on. For the first time I see it for what it is. It is my free will gone awry, assuming the only role that demands my curiosity. There I begin, barely aware, wondering how pain accumulated. Where was I, and who was running the show?
Curiosity develops into scrutiny, and that into determination. With heavy doses of anger, self-pity and emotional turmoil I motivate myself. Physical discomfort prods me. Financial lack drives me. Awareness is not even an option yet. Worthlessness teases, and sex tricks. The pain only seems to increase, pushing me further into the nakedness of unbridled honesty about the work still awaiting me. Vulnerability tugs at the fabric of my being. I forge ahead in utter terror.
I have no understanding except some dimmer than dim remembrance in my cells. The script writes itself as I weave and duck the projectiles of unhappiness and despair. I linger in various acts and scenes of repeated unhealthy habits, thought patterns and broken feelings. I stagnate in justifications and transparent excuses. I am a hypocrite and this fuels me. I am searching now. It seems so insurmountable that I am forced to ask question after question. Each question becomes a unit of grace. Little do I know that the units are stacked up in my favor.
Between birth and death is the hopscotch of daily despondency. Dimly in the background, the whoosh of eternity is coursing through my cells. The alarm clock of awakening is on perpetual snooze. It rings at regular intervals, yet an automatic programming silences it. Until the next time. And the next. And the next.
At the confusing and fearful threshold of stepping into healing, love is the only choice to make. Love simplifies all, and engenders faith.
Love is the only condition of healing, and that love must be unconditional.
Unconditional love is Divine love, and it permeates everything. Such love is hidden and scarce, yet contains all.
© Pamir Kiciman 2007-2009
Note: This is writing I did many moons ago, prompted by my own journey from despair to delight. These are truths I’ve lived, and now teach. These excerpts were going to be a book that didn’t happen. There’s more healing waiting obviously! Regardless, after making an appearance on my own blog’s early days, where exposure was low, I’m happy to share publicly for the first time. I trust that it will help you.
Pamir Kiciman is a Soul Whisperer (SM) specializing in healing, spirituality and conscious evolution. He provides Reiki services (Reiki Training & Healing) for those seeking to make spirituality, healing and meditation a conscious part of their life. His approach to Reiki is that it’s a way of living with wisdom and compassion, not only a healing art, and definitely not a modality.




Beautiful, thank you for sharing. So much mirrors my own journey and placement in my life. Your words are uplifting and encouraging.
yes, so familiar, all the sufferings that need to be worked through. Unconditional love is the only true choice possible, anything else just sets off all the automatic scripts. Glad you made it through.
WOW~!
These aphorisms are tender ways for everyone of us to weed our mental gardens.
Thank you for sharing with the world, intent.com and me.
Close your eyes and feel your breath.
BB.
LancelotduLac
Thank you for these beautiful insights.
Ms Cosmiccat
(who spends 2 months a year on/in Summerland Key)
@Anne: Delight is visible on your face. The journey from despair to delight is mandatory tourism.
@Samuel: Fortunately it doesn't stop at "making it through." So much more light & grace comes, it's very beautiful & affirming.
@Lance: Gardens of the mind and the heart. Heart more central to me.
@Cosmiccat: You're welcome. The Keys are one of my favorite places, especially the lower parts, but before Key West.
Beautiful post Pamir.