I think one of the most profound statements that anyone has said to me in my time of need was "I’m present for you"
As I finish my third year in college, things are starting to catch up to me and I’m finding myself no longer in the college bubble, but having to deal with life in school, outside of school, and constant questions about my future. I was so overwhelmed one night that I couldn’t even bring to words what it was that I was feeling or even what it was that I had to do.
I walked into my best friend’s room and made some small talk with him, then slowly started telling him about how overwhelmed I was. After a couple of minutes, I stopped – speechless and drained.
My friend waited, and waited, and waited as I sat struggling for words and emotions to communicate. After giving him a sad, confused, and helpless look, I muttered, "I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say"
He looked at me and smiled, "It’s okay, I’m just being present for you."
That statement has stuck with me since that night and I’ve realized that really, all I needed was someone to be present for me as my emotional wave hit a wall. I didn’t need anyone to say anything to me, I just needed someone to share the same space as me to be emotionally, mentally, and physically aware of my presence and his own in relation to me – not as an imposing body of mindless advice of what I should or shouldn’t do, but as a ball of energy next to me, feeling my shift in energy.
Since then, I’ve done the same for my friend. I’m also working on it within my dorm and with the girls in my hall. It works for both parties. You don’t feel forced to say anything or try to come up with some life-changing advice, and the person in need doesn’t feel pressured to keep talking.
Perhaps this seems silly and that it isn’t addressing the core of the issue or suffering in an individual. But if you are present, then you are aware of the other person and their energy, and instead of bombarding them with words, you are embracing then with awareness – Hello, I’m present for you.
So I say – Be present. Be there. Be accessible. Because sometimes we don’t need words spoken to us, we just need presence.
This post is in response to How Can We Help the Helpless?
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