Question:
I am a woman in my forties. I have for many years done a lot of spiritual work. Recently I came into conflict with a person that I thought I loved, and I screamed and raged, something I have done much in my life and when in the moment I seem powerless over. It feels like momentary insanity. A friend gave me a CD where I got to hear about mastering you inner dialog and it shocked me to realize the part where you speak about self-pity and how it is the root of all anger and jealousy. I am that person, I pity myself and think I deserve better and so forth. So I got an insight and I am very grateful for that.
Now my question: How do I learn to see through this self-pity in the moment? How do I learn to control my impulses? I have hurt many people with my behavior and also myself. My life is not the one I want, because I have lived my life in this denial of self-pity, and I see it no longer works, but how to change it?
I thought I was spiritual that I had gained some sort of insight over the years. This discovery somehow laid me bare and very empty, as if I have to start all over again. Please help me to understand.
Answer:
Self-pity is based on a false sense of self. It is based on past experiences which you interpreted as unjust and unfair treatment. When those feelings of victimization get triggered in the present, you revert to that old persona with its conditioned reactions. Your recognition of this self-pity in yourself is a good first step in learning to see through this false image of yourself that is based on past hurts.
From here you can work on bringing more conscious attention into the moment. This allows the silent witness within to observe your feelings and behavior without judging them. You experience your true identity in the stillness of meditation. By accessing this experience of your silent witness in the midst of challenging situations, you are learning to function from your true nature.
You may not gain mastery over your impulsive reactions right away, but over time you will become more conscious earlier and earlier in your response. Simply bringing your conscious awareness to the triggered experience will heal it because that consciousness is your true Self.
Love,
Deepak
I believe that "spirit" work is an ongoing process. And I agree with Dr. Chopra that the hurts we have endured in our childhood and even in our adult life seem to trigger repetitive behaviors that we have used for a very long time. I have entered into some "healing the inner child" spiritual work in helping me to better understand why I respond to certain situations in ways that are repetitive and very "ego" centered. I feel that time is on your side and that as Deepak said, as you bring your self to conscious awareness if and when the experience occurs you will heal. Be patient with yourself and be good to yourself, accepting that where you are right now in life is where you should exactly be. The Journey with "Spirit" teaches us lessons every day of our lives, and as you get to know your "higher self" even more as time goes by, you will find there are many positive possibilities that will unfold for you as you travel on your pathway to God/Spirit/Universe! Love and Peace, Elanalee
Elanalee, you mentioned healing the inner child. Many years ago, before I even found Deepak's works, I found John Bradshaw who did some really good work with healing the inner child. I know now there are lots of others who do that work as well but I have a soft spot in my heart for him since his work helped me tremedously at a time when I sorely needed to be healed. Just thought I'd mention it.
Also, since it is possible that the hurtful incident/s could have come from a past life, Brian Weiss has written many books about healing through past life regression; there are even CDs which help you regress yourself. I've never been very successful at doing my own past life regression but others might be. Again, I know now there are many who also do this work, but Brian Weiss' work was very important to helping me along my spiritual path so again I felt a need to mention him.
It is all about healing our hearts so that we may truly release ourselves from the past and live in this, the present moment.
-In gratitude to the healers of our hearts,
Cheri
dear deepak,
wonderful explanation, self pity is the sweetest poison which fakes as a friend and acts as a foe.
Wish you love, peace and happiness.
Trisha
The fact is that we got Cained but we are still Abel! Interesting Biblical story? Our Father, in failing sight, duped by a conspiracy? Surely not!
Think deep about it and set yourself free
from this complicitee
Love,
ed
A great ,non judgemental and healing way of looking at "self pity". It is important not to get into that thought pattern- do not stay there- it will become "the norm".
"PEACE"
http://www.psychicchristina.com
Remarkably, this week and this posting on self-pity has had a profound impact on several levels. A confluence of events with the two young women released from N. Koreo, the three who continue to be held in Iran, has shown my own tangle of emotions – jealousy, self-pity, anger – from being in Iran 35 years ago, with a husband in jail as a political prisoner.
Some of the tangle is this: while I feel profound compassion and love, gratitude and caring for the ones held (and two released) now, I have become aware through your writing on this topic, Deepak, of the residual throw-back I have been experiencing due to the current situation juxtaposed from my past. I have been stunned to see I still have some anger, self-pity, jealousy. Today I am laughing at myself. Yesterday, I was crying!
The ego is so very clever, requiring vigilence, understanding, and ultimately, forgiveness. I am so very grateful for this time.
Rosalie