Just the other day I noticed, yet again, that people have a way of being resentful when others have some sort of mild success. I posted this comment on facebook and was interested to note that many people felt the same way. In fact a LOT of people felt the same way.
So why is it that instead of being happy for someone else’s success we find that others tend to want to criticize, belittle, and reduce their achievement? That’s not the popular attitude as projected by Hollywood. There if one does something good and praiseworthy everyone jumps up and down and celebrates and is happy – except the bad guys who usually wind up somewhere unpleasant. That’s Hollywood, which polarizes the emotions into different figures. In the real world one is much more likely to run into false smiles and waves of negativity, even amid one’s friends. ‘Huh,’ goes the refrain, ‘that’s not so great. I coulda done that…’
A variant on this is the subtle way people can look down on success. People can be happy for what you achieve, as long as they can say in the next breath that of course you didn’t get rich doing it (for example), or that you suffered in some other real or imagined way. Here’s an example: ‘Van Gogh was a genius, but of course, mentally terribly tortured…’ Is that why we like his work? Because he was an artistic success who reassured us that success wasn’t worth it at that price – which in turn excuses our own lack of successes? Is this the basis of the myth of the creative genius who is self-destructive? The mad genius? But wait: Shakespeare wasn’t like that, nor Goethe, nor Milton, nor Franklin…..
What we have here, my friends, are excuses for mediocrity; those consoling attitudes we all, to some extent, are inclined to preserve, because if we hold on to them they stop us from having to even try for real success, or personal actualization.
This is Orphan culture. It’s time to move beyond it.
Let us allow ourselves to be wholeheartedly happy for others’ successes, and even for their attempts at success. Let us revel in the fact that people are doing their best to make personal progress. And let’s also make sure we don’t accept any excuses for our own lack of motivation.
Dear Trisha,
I suspect you are being modest when you say you are an 'ordinary person' – and your message about being happy with you own life is worth rubies and pearls. That is what we should all strive to be. Your comments are always a source of wisdom, and of gratitude.
Peace and happiness, Allan
Well said, Allan! I am can get pretty susceptible to really petty envy.
My best counter-attack is to laugh at how silly and unproductive this emotion is and to stop taking things so seriously! (And to stop making excuses, of course.)
Dearest allan,
I think that people who are not happy with what they have on their plate usually give in to these feelings. Thanks for deciphering my earlier remark. You are an absolute angel.
I wanted to say my sisters and cousins are really talented and most of their fields are things which I wanted to learn, but don
Dear Yumi,
That's a very good counter-measure – laughter usually cures most of the negativity we create for ourselves, doesn't it? And, as you say, envy is really only something we feel when we want to make excuses to ourselves for what we haven't managed to do, or have been too timid and lazy to attempt (and which of us hasn't suffered from that!)
Still, a little envy can do a lot of damage, and it needs to be nipped in the bud.
Thank you for your wisdom – and thank you, especially, for all you do at Intent.com.
Allan