It was the millionth time in a row of feeling frustrated because plans weren’t settled or what you hoped they would be. It was the millionth time you felt under appreciated and forgotten in the midst of decision making. In the name of team work and collaboration we can find ourselves waiting to know our own feelings or make a decision until everyone else has decided and declared their own. Without realizing, we can find ourselves complicit in the act of not giving ourselves a voice. How does that happen?
Sometimes it feels rude or bossy to know what we want. But who decided that “rude” or “bossy” would be synonymous with know your feelings and intent? How often do we give others the opportunity to decide without judgement? Then why should we not give ourselves the same opportunity? It is far easier to adapt when you know where you stand to begin with, so today our intent is to decide what we want first. Before we’ve heard from the crowd. Before we let someone else decide for us. Before re resent people who have decided.
You ready to do the same? Here are 3 things to consider:
- What would you do if you were alone?
It’s possible that knowing what you want isn’t an easy exercise. We consider all the factors, all the assumed feelings, the direction the wind is blowing, etc. Those variables can justify why we couldn’t possibly know how we felt or what we want. If this is where you’re starting, imagine what you would do if you were alone. If someone else’s schedule wasn’t a factor, what would you choose? If considering another person or project was off the table, what would you do with a free afternoon? You can always compromise, but knowing what you want allows you to better communicate it and, in turn, more likely to end up making choices that are fulfilling for yourself.
- Take a minute to know.
You also don’t have to know what you want immediately. When presented with or presenting an option, you have every right to say “give me a minute to check my calendar” or “I need a moment to figure out what will work for me.” Before you agree to burgers for the 5th night in a row with friends, give yourself a second to consider before delivering a yes or a no. Like most things, strengthening this muscle will mean you make faster decisions in the future, but for now, don’t hesitate to take the time you need to determine what you really want.
- You can change your mind.
You haven’t failed if you have a different opinion from the group. Remember that the goal isn’t unanimity. The goal here is to know what you want. Just because you want something different, doesn’t mean you can’t compromise or that someone’s mind can’t be changed. Perhaps your decision to go left instead of right will inspire someone else to do the same. Perhaps your decision to go left instead of right will happen next week as a result of working with a group. Perhaps your decision to go left instead of right is just the thing you needed to know it’s time for a new chapter in your life. And even if you decide to go left instead of right in this moment, you can change your mind at any time so release the pressure of deciding. You got this. You can always change your mind when you decide in the first place.