We should not feel guilty about having a jealous heart. The closer we get to people the more likely we are to feel jealous or become the object of envy. Human beings are competitive creatures who vie for the top of the hierarchy. Even Mother Theresa and Albert Schweitzer were jealous and greedy people! They were jealous of those who helped others and were greedy to do more good and save more people from harm. So what do we do when jealousy upsets our equilibrium – move away from our more successful neighbors, avoid the beautiful, creative people in our midst? Change jobs when colleagues get promoted? Or pray that they lose it all? This stressful trigger might just be the best thing that ever happened to you. Jealousy could wake you up to become the best version of yourself.
If you are a jealous person
On the outside looking in at successful friends (each one of us has a different definition for success) how do you find peace in your heart? After all, you are more deserving because you are: smarter, more talented, more beautiful and more experienced.
Let jealousy propel you to the next level to emulate their achievement. Study the object of your envy and imitate. Obviously, he or she has the secret formula – go out and learn it. Next make this formula fit with your unique style. Even better: Ask the person you want to be like to help you out with advice or networking (notice how easily jealousy can be re-conceptualized). Turn jealousy around to work for you!
If you are the object of envy
Congratulations! Don’t feel inhibited about owning your success. Don’t be afraid to express and delight in what you have accomplished because others will feel contracted in your presence. Most of us have been taught as children never to show off. However, when you don’t let others know what you achieve because you fear their jealous remarks, you suppress your inner light. Instead, observe their jealous response, verbal or body language, objectify it and smile knowingly that it is part of the human condition. If you don’t make a big deal out of it, the other person will smile and recognize that he or she was just being real. Be mindful of jealousy and don’t fuel it by brooding about the dark energy. The more you see it, the more you get accustomed, like aversion therapy. The key is exposure with compassionate understanding. Try making the jealous person feel good. Be generous with a compliment, so that the conversation is not all about you.
As for me:
I must confess my jealous heart: I was jealous of friends who wrote books. I was jealous of people who had a radio show. I was jealous of people who created a Monet-type garden in their backyard. Guess what? I worked hard and did it too. Currently, I am jealous of authors who have gotten on Oprah and have their own TV show.
Refreshingly honest post that avoids the usual simple minded twaddle about never being jealous. Thank you Debbie.
Debbie*zenmonk…thanks for pointing out a truly inspirational, encouraging and practical article; well written Debby!
yes an open heart exposure
thank you and 
..everything resolves to emptiness – just allow that to happen instead of fueling the fire of passion and emotions.. let these thoughts arise – see them and then with a smile let them go.. for success or no success are all the popping bubbles of experience.
Very hard to do though .. so we can all be jealous together but laughing about it and bringing it into the open
Thank you again