By Mallika Chopra
I am fascinated by my own fascination with the Kardashians.
I’m late to the party, I know. My fascination only started yesterday.
It fascinated me that Kim Kardashian getting a divorce after 72 days was headline news on CNN.
Then, I fascinated myself that after reading the headline, I clicked on the article, read it, and then went to TMZ.com to read more salacious details. Today, I read more articles on her divorce – they are everywhere.
I have never watched Kim’s show – Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I didn’t watch her wedding special. I have never met Kim, although I know she has visited my dad, Deepak Chopra, and she re-tweets him every once in a while. (I think she included the footage in her show. Gotham has it in his upcoming documentary.)
I once was once on a flight with her, and thought she was gorgeous. I was dressed in jogging pants, as was she, but her jogging suit get-up was much more chic. I was in a middle seat towards the back. She was in First Class. My hair was in a pony tail, she had lots of make up on. I realized why when we got to baggage claim and there was a swarm of photographers.
Until last week, when my brother pointed out Kris Humphries at the Mall while we were having lunch, I had never heard his name and had no idea who he was. Gotham referred to him as the basketball player who married Kim Kardashian. I didn’t bother to look twice.
Yet somehow, I chose to read about her divorce – and even just read her personal blog on why she made the difficult decision! – as if she is someone I know well and care deeply about her fate.
I even have to admit I clicked on “Kardashian Divorce Details” before “Safe Water & a Toilet – Is That Too Much To Ask?” on Huffington Post, even though the latter article was written by Matt Damon.
Why, or why, do I find this woman’s love plight more interesting than the suffering and triumphs of so many others?
Many people talk to me about how we need to package content around wellbeing or causes to be more inspiring. How we can move people by telling a story of triumph from Haiti that will move people to care and take action.
I really want to believe that media can be used for good. I really do. That’s what Intent is trying to do. But, I have a feeling this post will probably get more reads and comments than many of my others!
Please do share your thoughts. Should I feel guilty and shallow about this fascination?!
Dear Mallika,
I too am guilty of the same fascination. I read your tweet & as soon as I saw the Kim K. name I wanted to read further. I guess she represents one of our SHADOWEs as Deepak sayed in the Shadow Effect the movie.
Anahit – totally agreed on the Shadow Self aspect… Thanks for commenting!
It's a mystery to me too. Some people seem to have so much but mismanage it. I heard one actor say that great wealth doesn't ruin people, it reveals them.
Set For Life – Having seen many people with lots of wealth, I do not believe it makes one happier. It makes life easier, yes. But if in that pursuit of wealth, we let go of whats sacred (ie the pursuit of more wealth and fame to show off our love in this case), I think its hard to be authentic and purely joyous in that love… Does that make sense?
yes, Mallika, it makes perfect sense. we can't be happy when we're not being real. nobody ever is. no matter what they say or how they act.
Agreed, Eugene!
I don't know if money – or material wealth – really makes life easier. More money, more expenses, more bills… rich people tend to have more stress, because they have more "things" to take care of… it all takes our attention away from what is really important. I really think that monks, who meditate all day and live very simply, have it easiest. That is a kind of wealth that money can't buy – peace of mind.
Yes, Lissa, I have witnessed people being shocked to see monks smoking or drinking. I think even when it comes to enlightenment, there are judgments that we all sometimes need to let go of!
Thanks so much for your presence on Intent!
Hi,
I will say that I reached this post via reading up about your father, and not via news about Kim, however, the subject of this particular post definitely got my attention, and not just because it is the first on the list today.
I don't live in the U.S., so I probably have less exposure to her, and am not really familiar with the T.V. show. I kept coming across her name in the news and was wondering who she is but didn't really check into it until recently and then with the news about the wedding. But I found myself reading up on her with an avid interest.
I think what makes her interesting is a few things. One, repetition. If you hear about someone enough and realize that they got a lot of attention, you begin to get curious about them too. Especially if many of the people interested in her are themselves well known personalities. Anything that gets a lot of coverage will probably get your attention.
Two, If someone thinks they are interesting enough to be on a reality t.v. show, perhaps their self perception is that they are interesting enough to get people's attention, and that is then what others perceive about them as well. Maybe everyone interested in reading about her is just mirroring her own self perception. That can be a positive thing. How many people think they are interesting enough to be on a reality show and have viewers tune in to the minutia of their lives?
Anyway don't worry you are in good company.
Yael
Yael – thanks for reassuring me that I am in good company! So, people have approached us "Chopras" about a reality television in the past. I just cant even imagine wanting to be in that position. Even though I love to blog and share thoughts in a public forum, I am generally private about the daily aspects of my family life – its just too sacred and personal to me. Perhaps thats another reason I am fascinated by Kim showcasing her wedding in the first place. My wedding was a joyous celebration with lots of people – but not a produced show! I actually feel sad for her right now – it must be terrible to go through something so personal so publically like this. But that is what she chose by being a reality television start, I guess.
Mallika:
yes. i feel sad for "her" as well, but not for the reason to which you allude, because i don't believe she's sad about the outcome of this part of the show at all. not even Meryl Streep playing this role could sell me on that, and this woman is no Meryl Streep. i do believe, however, that the pain this woman suffers which she's been seduced into denying and covering up and hiding from and losing her Self in by participating in the spectacle of scripted living as a form of popular entertainment, will eventually catch up to her, and THAT is why i'm sad for her.
Eugene, I agree. Scripting your life/creating drama for the camera, just cant leave you happy. Good actors get lost in their characters, but at the end of the day, they can leave them. Reality star have to keep the drama going to keep feeding the attention they so crave. I agree, for that I do feel sorry for her.
exactly. it's like getting trapped in quicksand. whether you struggle or whether you just let go, it still sucks the life right out of you. and you're right. this isn't a trap that befalls only "reality tv" stars. it can happen to all of us whenever we fall prey to the dramas that ego tries to get us to act out instead of following the path of true, spontaneous and intuitive being.
Yael;
despite the fact that i live in North America, can't log on to my computer, open a newspaper, go to the grocery store checkout, look at a billboard. walk by a bus shelter, turn on my television or tune in my radio without either seeing an image of this woman or hearing people talking about the image of this woman, i find absolutely nothing, i repeat, absolutely nothing, even remotely fascinating or attractive about "her." i can say nothing about the true individual represented by the image of this woman, because as of yet, i haven't had anything truly representative of that figuratively rammed down my throat.
I feel exactly the same way! I too, am fascinated by my fascination. I was just pondering the same thing this morning. However, I must admit, my fascination expands in that I watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians regularly b/c I find them so interesting. The extravagance of her wedding was a bit sad, but otherwise, they are pretty amusing.
Shaphali – I cant get myself to watch the show… I would probably get totally addicted to it!
don't feel guilty and don't be surprised, either. some people are simply very skilled seducers, and know how to manipulate the media of mass communications with the right imagery and emotional influence to capture the attention they desire. the image of this woman is currently among the most popular representative symbols of a "lifestyle choice" being aggressively promoted to as large a target market as possible, as a way of life to be aspired to that is superior to all others . . . because it makes the people who promote it unimaginable amounts of money from the promotion of it as such. the fact that the lifestyle being promoted is vapid, exploitative, misanthropic, individually and socially self-destructive, gets lost in the false sparkle and fake shine of the slick-looking, seductive packaging delivered with almost scientifically-calculated timing, that captures your attention and before you're aware of it, like somebody who's just been slipped a Rohypnol cocktail, you're tearing your clothes off and jumping into bed to allow yourself to be devoured by the insatiable, attention-craving seducer that feeds off the energy it steals from the attention you pay it.
that's the dynamics, in a nutshell, of how this particular aspect of The Game works. as far as the specifics of this latest "media event . . ." all i really have the time or energy to even cursorily wish to devote to this subject (aside from the great fit of laughter I enjoyed when hearing the news from the world's news leader), is to say that there's a reason they took the words "reality" and "show" and put them together to create an unfathomably lucrative form of popular entertainment. you'll have to connect those two dots for yourself, though.
eugene, i do agree – its all in the packaging. have you ever watched real house of beverly hills. i watched it on the plane, and get totally immersed in the drama of the show. you are exactly right – smart programmers know how to seduce viewers!
no, never. but i do admit that for a time, way before the advent of reality tv, i did become addicted to a couple of soap operas (mainly because somebody i was involved with was). but now i look back at it and i realize that, as a creative writer which makes me a storyteller, i've developed a very discerning set of criteria for the stories i choose to allow to participate in both directly and as a spectator: stories that uplift, inspire, give hope, direction, teaching, enlightenment, provoke thought, shine a light on the state and potential of the human experience . . . those are the kind of stories i desire. it comes down to this: i personally know that life can get pretty s—ty if you lose control. i don't need stories to tell me that, or to tell me that that's what's good and exciting about life, because i don't believe that. what's more, i've never followed this show, but a few weeks ago (i think it was our thanksgiving in Canada) a channel here was running a marathon of this show and while surfing, i ended up clicking on it and saw it and watched it for literally two or three minutes. in that time what i was treated to was the spectacle of the matriarch of a family angrily berating her children with unrestrained profanity, and decided this is not the kind of thing i feel the slightest compulsion to participate in because this is not the kind of human relations in which i believe. but, compassionately speaking, we're all at different levels of evolution and different strokes, eh what?
I enjoy watching their show…I find them hilarious and down to Earth and honest. (I don't watch much tv, let alone reality tv)! However, the wedding was a bit much, and the shows leading up to it revealed so much about her fiancé, that it was obvious their union would be short lived. (Yes, I do realize that editing can make people appear in a different light, but in his case, there were some pretty telling statements made in context). Anyhow, I went to her blog after you posted this, Malika (never have been there before) and, once again, find I can appreciate her honesty. On an archetype level, she feeds into something for so many people, obviously. I just don't think it's as cut and dry as people would like to make it. She's a real person with real feelings, who should've known better at the age of 30, instead of acting like a lovesick teen. It was obviously more about the wedding than the marriage, but it was probably easy to get caught up in that. In fact, I would venture that for MOST women it's more about the wedding than the marriage, she just happens to be in the spotlight, so it's easy to point the finger. Big mirror! Hers was just more lavish and much shorter lived than most! Luckily, she figured it out sooner than most, as well. Too bad it was so public. She probably thought that made it more "real."
Collette, yes I agree it was more about the wedding itself than the relationship. But dont you think some things, even reality stars shouldn't sell out on?
It's natural to be curious, it is so hyped up. People have strong opinions about it, there is tons of coverage, and so we are naturally intrigued. It's up to you to make your own judgement about the situation or decide it doesn't matter. Many people have done the latter, and it is actually almost more interesting to follow all the people telling everyone how much they don't care. If they don't care, why is it so important for them to let everyone know they don't care? It's odd.
for the same reason people who care do: to express an opinion. nothing "odd" or "more interesting" about it in the least. and very little "natural" about being obsessed about something (or somebody) just because hype tells you you have to be. nice try, though. but this fish doesn't go for worms.
Funny, how sometimes we feel we have to justify or deny things, even those things we insist we dont need to justify or deny!
i agree. in this case, i'm facilitating clear perception of my position, though, not justifying. i'm in the corner of The Arena where all the punches are being thrown. and taking them so that so many others don't have to. just my small contribution to The Cause. am i justifying? no. clarifying. thanks for inspiring me to that realization, sneaky! L(oving)OL!
Hi,
I believe you should feel whatever you choose. I feel the exact same way about this "dramatic" situation, not too sure if we can call it a "Marriage" or a "Divorce". Many of my friends were/are highly entertained by her, her show, the wedding ceremony, so I guess if you have to spend $ to make $, but wait I thought it was a wedding ceremony? This story is hard to judge, what is the truth? I can tell this much, Kim loves the camera…and the camera loves Kim!
I even felt guilty and shallow for a moment as well…along with a few other things, sadness, anger, frustration, shame and more. Then I prayed for her and all involved(which is a ton of us!)
I am grateful for passion and feelings!
Then there are so many things to think or read about that are more interesting or important that I want to focus on. Then I realized while I read your blog. I may have a little Kim Kardashian in me, perhaps we all do? …and it is sort of interesting to sit and judge all of this reality SHOW TV(since not everyone can be Kim or would want to), we used to just have the beauty pageants and soap operas to judge, oh and a few neighbors, nowadays we have a little of everything to watch and we can choose to feel …or not to feel…judge or not to judge…and right in the privacy of our own home with our snuggly blanket /pajama wear on.
Hopefully folks around me choose what makes them feel good, I hope all are having fun and are able to be in the moment. I have heard that the universe is unfolding perfectly, we can relax and let go, go with the flow …and be… a witness.
I hope everyone is choosing to be exactly where they want to be( It would be nice if they would all apply the 7 spiritual laws)
Ah… What a wonderful world! Oh …Yeahhhhh
It is good to know that there are others who have not seen her show or wedding, but was compelled to read her/their story at this time. Thank you for posting this, and thank you Libby for liking it so I could see it.
I will say one more thing. It is hard to digest how Kim makes these "hard" decisions and makes millions of dollars and gets headline news …while my 12 year old friend decided to shave her own head this week because it was starting to fall out after the Chemo…I am not quite sure who made the "harder" decision? or who deserves the Millions or the Headlines more?
Peace and Love
Namaste
T Boudreaux
T Bordeaux, So how do we start getting more attention for your 12 year old friend, and the heroes overcoming small triumphs every day. Do we have to manufacture drama to get more people to care? Thanks so much for your reflective comment.
I watched the show and the wedding. They call it reality TV but it is simply another name for entertainment. It's the entertainment business and Kim and her family have found a way to make a living that seems to suit them. I think they have sold themselves a good story about how good it is for the family to earn their money this way and I also think the lines get a bit crossed as to what is actually up for graps between the private and public exposure. I believe the weddings for both Kim and Khloe are for the entertainment business but maybe they need to tell themselves they are for real as a justification.
I have also watched the Gene Simmons reality show where he also just got married to his already common law wife who is also the mother of his children. Gene and his wife made up this whole story about the reason he was "finally" getting married. I must say it was pretty well scripted for reality tv.
I can't say as I would want this kind of exposure but it seems many do and they seem to get paid very well for their time.
First and foremost it is a business and it pays well and everything that is put forth is sold to this business by Kim and her family. It's just that it's not all fun and entertainment when the lines get blurry between what belongs to them personally and what they have sold for their business needs.
Rann
Agreed – its another form of entertainment. Now that you point it out, I felt the same guilty pleasure when I watched soap operas. This is just another form…
Mallika
Dear Mallika,
I heard the name Kardashian recently &, when I saw the name of your post I thought, "oh good, I can finally find out who the Kardashians were. They seem to be all the rage. I should probably know something about them." I was thinking they were like the Cathars.
Nope.
Got a good chuckle when I educated myself thru your blog. Thanks for bringing me up to date.
best,
cw
Just wanted to say love the new look of the blog. Very clean and easy to read!
Yeah! I am so happy. Thank you for noticing and recognizing the changes, Harrison!
Dear Mallika,
I read every one of your posts because they are infrequent and relevant, because I owe you a deep debt of gratitude for creating this wonderful environment at Intent, but most importantly because you are genuine, honest and even a little vulnerable. And that connects with something inside all of us.
In this specific case, it's useful to start a discussion on why we choose to put our attention on the Kardashians. Each of us have our own unique perspective on it. I would love to hear your own answer too; it seems like you explored it up to the point of posing the question but not any farther.
Much love,
sWORDSman
P.S. I was even more intrigued by your next question on whether you 'should' feel guilty and shallow.
Swordsman
You are always so kind to me in the comments. I am going to try to blog more. Its so nice to see how interactive everyone is again. I'm hoping this continues!
On the guilt, Im not sure if I should or shouldnt feel guilty, but I do feel a lit built of guilt indulging in someone elses drama (particularly if its manufactured)!
Mallika
I have had the same thoughts about other celebrities, like Lohan and Spears in particular who cycle in and out of jail or major dysfunction and every time they are back in the news. I don't get it. I know nothing about these people except when it is impossible not to notice when "here they go again". As Deepak says…..don't judge, just say "STOP" and "NEXT". They don't deserve our time, even our shadow time.
Barbara
Philosophically, I agree with you. Practically, for some reason, my fascination remains (including for Lohan!).
Mallika
I don't follow celebs much, but what caught me about this was the amount of money spent for such an elaborate wedding, when it could have been (like Nick Kristof also said) used to help so many others and for something much longer-lasting. It's ok to feel a bit of "guilt" but then release it, as we're all humans with curiosities.
Yes – $10M is a lot for a wedding! But then if its a produced show, maybe not so much…
and btw, what are we all saying when this topic has inspired the most comments i've ever seen in all my time regularly participating in and commenting on this forum? when topics of profound mental, emotional, spiritual, social and political import are more often than not devoid of any commentary whatsoever? how many comments on Mr. Dee's blog about treating your body as an energy and informational field, and how many passionately firing up the keyboards over the Barbie and Ken Get Married and then Divorced Show? what's happening to us? hahahahahahahaha!
That's OK, Eugene; the number of comments is not necessarily a reliable indicator of anything particular. I guess Mallika just has a way of bringing the lurkers out of the woodwork
. As for Mr. Dee, his brilliant stuff usually comes with a bow tied neatly around it, so all I can usually do is let it sink in… not much scope for commenting, especially since he's too busy to respond.
yeah, i know, you're right. i was just doing a little over-the-top bit. but really, no? and Mr. Dee's stuff always inspires me to think and want to express what he inspires me to think.
I feel weird for asking myself: "Kim Who? Oh, that rich girl who draws
atention for her phisical beauty and extravagant life." I don´t live
in the US, so I don´t see her on TV that often, but I see her eventualy
while flipping channels.
I think she draws much facination because she feeds
the ilusion of living a great life. Like someone said "hiding her pain"
Many reality shows, in my opinion, distort the everyday life of the
rich to make it more apealing and grab more audience. Laguna Beach
comes to mind.
The fascination comes from thinking the play is real.
Oh, and Eugene, you have no idea how interactive the old intentblog used to be, back in the day… Especially the Open Thread – those used to run into hundreds of comments over dozens of pages. Mallika, thanks for bringing back at least a small part of the archives. It was quite a thrill to read posts by Rahul Khanna, Anou, Avtar and Shekhar Kapur, among others…
On the other hand, it's probably a good thing it isn't as interactive now as it used to be, or I wouldn't get anything done at work at all.
Sigh. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be …
i wish i would've been there for that. but, as they say, all is as it should be. i love this site no matter what it looks like or how it works because what's real about it is that it's real. no show.
I really don't like ANYTHING about the Kardashians. They are the most self-absorbed, unintelligent people imaginable!
I have read you post but not the 46 responses before me.
It was good to find more about Kardashian as your curiosity arised. In this stage of life, everyone has to serve a purpose, so have Kardashian.
Yes, to our world, to our latent intelligence, there are better causes to look for, better things to read about, quite possible. But if someone has captivated the interest of the millions, then nothing wrong in understanding more about the person and also the phenomena.
At least we will understand that how so many of us souls have to travel so far in our path of maturity, in our path of ultimate learning.
I don't think you should feel guilty. I don't. I, too, am fascinated and have never seen her show. I am not sure what it is but part of me thinks it can study this phenomenon while suspending judgment. I am a big believer in marriage, so I am fascinated by how people view the institution. In a weird way, I am united with people I have nothing else in common with (i.e. comedian Rob Delaney, who wants to sue Kim, E! Entertainment, and Ryan Seacrest over the whole affair) simply because I am married and believe marriage is forever.
After hearing Kim's marriage lasted 72 days and knowing the amount of money spent on her wedding, all I could think of was: How much will she give back to charity? A few days later I read she is donating $200,000 to charity which equals the dollar amount of her wedding gifts. My thought: That is not enough. The gross amount of money spent on her wedding and the marketing simply grosses me out. The whole Kardashian clan is the epitome of narcissism and materialism. I guess 'intent' works for them. They intended to be something of their own creation, and they are!!!