I was going for a run today, when I saw a mom walking her kid on a leash.
For some reason, seeing kids on leashes has always bugged me. The leashes are cute – often a backpack of a cute bear that has a leash for the parents attached to it. But at the end of the day, they are still leashes.
Actually, the mom was crossing the street with her daughter on the leash, and once they crossed, she took it off and instructed the child on how to walk on one side of the sidewalk so that I could run on the other side. I am guessing her daughter was about 2 years old.
In my head, my thoughts were racing about how we set up so many rules and restrictions and boundaries for our children. We keep them tied to the same patterns, coloring inside the lines just like we did.
But one of the big lessons I have learned while being a parent is to be careful in judging other parents. This mom was very patient and loving, and her daughter listened attentively and was so happy.
Each child is different – my girls never needed leashes. That said, if I was out with my two year old nephew alone, I may give in to reigning him in!
Kids on leashes…. What do you think?
Great post Mallika. I think each child is different and boys are different than girls.
I bought one, I had to.
My 2 year old son will run from you so fast your head will spin. If we go to a mall or the Commons in Calabasas, we don't use it. If we go to Pasadena, walking down the street, he has it on. I just don't trust him; he tests the waters (literally) and will run into the street.
My Mum said in the "good old days" my Nana in Toronto tied all 3 of her girls to a string. It was common practice.
Perfect example of the need for the leash! My Mom (who is in her mid 60's) walked into the common area pool at their community (gated) with my son following her. I was on the other side of the gate with my family who was in town and had my 1 year old niece in my arms.
I looked up to see my son grasping for air in the pool and my Mum diving in to save him. He went under 3 times before she got him. I was frozen and time stood still. She now will not take him anywhere without his little teddy bear leash on.
I actually feel safer when she has him knowing that she has his teddy bear leash. He can and will get away from her.
With Love,
Renay
I think it depends upon the child and the situation. If you have a child you cannot ‘control’ or keep close attention to while running simple errands and putting him/her in a cart is not a possibility, then maybe the child should be left at home until you have time to teach the child the proper behaviors and interactions in a public place.
However, I also believe in the current day and age of disturbed adults in our society, when you are in a place like Disneyland or a carnival, etc., these can be a handy tool so as not to lose a child in a big, scary place. But I also like the practice of ‘losing’ your child in a safe environment as a teaching tool to pay attention to mommy and don’t run off by yourself. Also as a means to teach your children what to do if you ever get separated in a public place; who is safe to approach, what to do and what NOT do.
Heather Mehudar
“There are no accidents, coincidences or mistakes.”
I don't like them either, but I do understand those who choose to use them. I would rather choose to focus upon the reason for that need and deal with that one moment at a time. I believe in slow living, so that may be the difference.
Thank you for asking, Mallika.
I have a knee jerk reaction to the practice. I am not a parent, so I may not be one to answer confidently. My own mother’s response, G-d bless her recently departed spirit, to a control issue wasn’t far from the leash, it was anger.
A leash is a form of control. There are various ways to encourage children to behave as you want, especially those of us who are willful and prone to do as we please.
A leash, anger, verbal threats (yes, I do equate all of these, insofar as they are instruments of external control) don’t socialize a child to behave independently and learn from mistakes.
I understand the burden to keep children safe is immense, but I think just as important is developing the child’s ability to learn when and how to listen and learn, without fear.
I could never leash a child, even though I’m not a parent, I know myself well enough to know that this is a practice I’d have a hard time not judging as woefully misguided. “A child learns what he/she lives.” Leash a child when they are young, and they will later yoke themselves in the name of safety.
Great question. Thanks.
I had my son on a wrist leash when he was around 2. I was also judged my many parents, getting the ‘evil’ eye at the store while I was waiting for my items to be bagged.
However, I was keeping my son safe. He would bolt out the door, or run far away if my eyes were off him for a second. I loved him enough to protect him from harm.
Its funny, if there was a day I forgot to keep him on a leash…. I would get the ‘evil’ eye for not keeping him in control as I ran around stores chasing after him.
I think I did the right thing.. and I would do it again if I had to.
Today, my son is 10. Diagnosed with ADHD, I still have the urge to keep him on that leash, which, by the way, I gave away when he was 3. However, there comes a time when a parent must give their children their space to run free, and pray to God he keeps them safe.
I believe how you approach this question depends not only on the child involved but also your core values, and how you integrate them.
If you place a higher value on freedom, independence, and have a low threshold for healthy fear, I think a leash is intrinsically more abhorrent.
If you place greater value on safety and security, as seems to be the concern of those who would use the leash, than you'll balance that value against perceived danger, perhaps until the "security" issue no longer seems relevant.
Being raised by a single working mother, I had to learn to manage freedom at a young age, and cannot imagine leashing any human for any reason: I have a hard enough time looking at caged animals, or dogs on leashes, though urban areas demand it. And the historical ramifications are mind boggling; I would always see a slave being led about by their owner, which would make me physically ill, as irrational as the connection might seem.
As I wrote before, I've not had children. Also, I place an inordinate value on freedom.
I'm not leashed.
Could never justify doing it to another human in the name of security.
"Those who give up freedom in the name of security get neither," paraphrase of Ben Franklin.
I sincerely thing that leashes are for dogs. I wouldn
Maliika,
Luckily I never even had to consider using a leash for my son because he was (is) such an angel….TRULY, I am not one of those mothers who are misguided into believing there child is good when he/she is truly an awful little person. With that said, I have a hard time wrapping my mind around using a leash for a human being. Please understand I do not judge others that feel this has been the best option for rearing their child. Personally, I feel there is such a stigma with utilizing a leash for a little human being.
On one occasion, when my son was almost 3, we were outside playing when the phone rang. I stepped away for about 3 – 5 seconds to grab the phone which was just a few feet away and when I came back out my son was running his little heart out, as fast as he could, he was racing towards the street! My heart was beating sooo fast in fear for my beautiful little boy. I knew I could not reach him before he got to the street as he was just steps away from danger. That animal instinct a mother has to protect her child just screamed so intensely "Niiiiiiick, STOP!!!! I screamed with such an intense tone that he stopped on dime. I suppose he could feel/hear the fear in my voice. From that day on he never did that again.
Although I am opposed to using leashes on a human being, in that moment, I caught a glimpse of the fear a mother would experience if their child does bolt off with disregard for their own safety.
With much respect,
Michelle :~)
Kids on Leashes…
My children were young, many years ago..
– 25–, and I did even then use a leash on occasion.
The main example was at an Amusement park. There is so much to see, and so many people jammed too close together not to have your child "in hand".
Both of my daughters were big enough that carrying them all day was not an option.
And neither could spend the entire time holding someone's hand– or me being pulled to
"Mom- See that!!" enthusiasm. A leash were they had a couple feet of freedom, but were still
with me actually gave my oldest a great sense of independence and security.
At 3 years old, she would ask for it.
All this goes with out saying that there are parents that do use it as they would to walk a dog.
In which case they may not be very compassionate animal owners either…
There are appropriate times, people and reasons. I look at those circumstances for an opinion more than just the "leash".
Robbyn
I love this topic, Mallika, and thank you for bringing it up. My daughter is now 14 but do I remember the days of 2 or 3 or even 4! Before having a child of my own, I too had a strong opinion against the leashing of children. It just seemed so wrong. Although I never leashed my daughter, after having become a parent I would never judge anyone else for doing so.
As a young parent, I tried to be in tune with my daughter, feeling out how to handle situations as they came up. I felt it was important for me to let myself be guided by her spirit since I knew how I was raised was not the way to go. I raised my daughter with dignity and the belief that if I listened closely enough, her wisdom would shine through and help me to help her on her path. It did. But it was a difficult path, always wondering if I was doing the right thing for her, always wondering how my actions would affect her development and her future, knowing how important every single decision I made could be. Here is what I learned . . . it is not what you do so much as the intention behind it. If your decision is based in love and that is the constant energy you are sending your child, that is what truly has the impact. No one is perfect and it is essential to stay connected to your source to ensure that the decisions that you make are not Fear based, as leashing a child could very well be.
But I remember the dreams that pervaded my sleeping life when my daughter was little and they all surrounded losing her. As she grew more and more capable of physically interacting with her environment, opening up front doors, darting under clothes racks in the stores (as a playful spirit is bound to do), it became more and more apparent that anticipating her next move may be crucial to her well being. I believe our roles as parents are to care for them until they are capable of caring for themselves, like guardian spirits. I am all for allowing the child to lead and explore their Universe, however, I also believe it is our position as parents to foresee potential avoidable dangers in their paths that children may not be equipped at that time to deal with.
Could it not be loving, then, to leash a child rather than lose him/her? As long as the energy with which you use the leash is nothing but love.
When my daughter was little, I believed as some of you do that it was important for her to explore her world, to fall a little, to fail a little and to learn from it. That is how I would have had someone raise me, trusting life not protecting me from it. My daughter told me of one of her dreams, recently, in which she was driving a car; I stopped her and said: you were in the driver's seat? (my dreams always place me in the back seat with no one driving or in the passenger's seat unable to get behind the wheel! I know, I have some SERIOUS work still to do!) She said to me (I am tearing as I write this) that she is ALWAYS in the drivers seat. That meant so much to me to know how empowered as a young person she feels. It is sometimes difficult to raise your child in the way you see fit . . . everyone has an opinion on how you are doing it and why you are doing it all WRONG. The fact is, as Mallika said, it is very important as parents and as society to send our support to other parents and to uplift their spirits so if they are not making the best choices at the moment, they learn to make better ones. We must know that everyone is in battle just as we are and that they are doing the best that they currently know how. Let us support one another so that we can all do it better.
Peace & Love,
Cheri
Whilst I am not a parent, I am an Aunt, have been a Nanny and end up as surrogate mother to alot of children at different times in their lives. I think it would also depend on where you live, eg my Eldest niece who is now 13 when three used to throw herself down in the middle of a busy street in town and refuse to move, it got to a point the only dress she could wear to town had criss crossed straps at the back that we had to pick her up by and carry her accross to the other side of the road, for her protection. However when she refused to go to the supermarket or wherever we were going it was also safe to leave her within sighting distance and eventually she would get fed up and come to where we were
However it was a small country/mini city type town, if it had been the city we wouldnt have had any choice but to put a leash on her to keep her with us, I believe my sister did use a leash a few times when in the city as she had a habit of wandering off or taking off on her own. My youngest niece however has a more laid back mellow personality and is happy to just be with whoever she is with so does not run off on her own or throw major tantrums in the middle of the road.
Being a parent is one of the Hardest jobs on the planet, and sometimes you need the help of a leesh to do it. I like many of you think it depends on the child, the parent and the place.
Much love and light
Husbands on leashes-
That's the way to work it!!!!!!
Just put a GPS system in his wallet and you'll be good.
Heather Mehudar
"There are no accidents, coincidences or mistakes."
What a awesome 6 hour, thankyou to Dave and all the crew at Roudtuit Caravan park for all the work that went to running this event, well worth marking in the dairy for next yearZayıflama Lida Fx15 ve Biber Hapı zlfvbh burmeh yaza lida fx15 biber hapı ile formda girin burmeh yaza lida fx15 biber hapı ile formda girin Trakya Üniversitesi tabiii en önemliside bize baya bi para getirecek. his family and particularly the children he had artificially created will be happier and far better off without him, not to mention wealthier. Remember and play his music if you want..it was pretty good but don't for get what an absolute failure as man he was. He dies a whiny drug addicted loser.. Save your sorrow for someone worthy