Forgiveness is an act of self-love. You must forgive those who hurt you, even if what they did to you is unforgivable in your mind. You will forgive them not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you don’t want to suffer and hurt yourself every time you remember what they did to you.
It doesn’t matter what others did to you, you are going to forgive them because you don’t want to feel sick all the time. Forgiveness is for your own mental healing. Forgiveness is the only way to heal your emotional wounds.
You will know that you have forgiven someone when you see that person or hear their name and have no emotional reaction. When you can touch a wound and it doesn’t hurt, then you know you have truly forgiven. Of course, a scar is going to be there, just as it is on your skin. You will have a memory of what happened, but once the wound has healed, it won’t hurt you any longer.
Perhaps you are thinking, “Well, it’s easy to say we should forgive. I have tried, but I cannot do it.” We have all these reasons why we cannot forgive. But the truth is that we cannot forgive because we learned not to forgive, because we practiced not to forgive, and we have mastered it.
There was a time when we were children when forgiveness was our instinct; it was effortless and natural to forgive. If you see two children playing together, and they start to fight and hit each other, the children run to their mothers and cry. “Hey, she hit me!” The two mothers have a big fight, and hate each other for the rest of their lives. Five minutes later the two children are playing together again as if nothing happened.
We are born with the capacity to forgive, but we learned the opposite behavior, and we practiced the opposite behavior, and now forgiveness is very difficult. When someone does something to us, forget it, that person is out of our life. Because of pride, because of honor, we add more fire to our sense of injustice. Why? Because our personal importance grows when we don’t forgive. It makes our opinion more important when we can say, “I will not forgive him. What he did is unforgivable.”
But guess who is going to suffer and accumulate more and more emotional poison? We are going to suffer for all kinds of things people do around us, even though they have nothing to do with us.
Take your pride and put it in the trash. Let go of the personal importance and practice forgiveness. Forgive others, and you will see miracles start to happen in your life.
Begin by making a list of all the people who have hurt you, all the people you need to forgive. Start with your parents, your brothers and sisters, your children, your spouse, your friends, your lover, your cat, your dog, your government, and God.
You are going to forgive others by knowing that whatever anyone did to you had nothing to do with you. Everyone is dreaming his or her own dream. The words and actions that hurt you are merely a reaction to the dream going on in that person’s own mind. You are a secondary character in that dream.
Nothing anyone does is because of you. Once you have this awareness, and you do not take it personally, compassion and understanding will lead you to forgiveness.
Next, make a list of everyone you believe you need to ask for forgiveness. Then ask them for forgiveness. Even if there is not enough time to call everyone, ask for their forgiveness in your prayers and through your dreams.
Start working on forgiveness; start practicing forgiveness. It will be difficult at first, but then it will become a habit. Practice and practice until finally, you can forgive yourself.
At a certain point, you find that you must forgive yourself for all the wounds and all the poison you created for yourself in your own dream. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows. That is the supreme forgiveness — when you finally forgive yourself.
Today, in this moment, send all the love in your heart to yourself and to those who need your forgiveness. Forgiveness is a great way to give love to yourself — and to other people. Love is your nature; don’t resist what you really are. You can improve your life just by expressing what you are, just by following the love in your heart in everything you do. Today is a wonderful day to open your heart to love and forgiveness.
Don Miguel, es un honor y espero verle seguido por aqu
What a beautiful post! I have personally experienced this that when you truly forgive someone, their memory or sight does not cause any emotional reaction in us. Forgiving myself and others have really helped me recently. It is very difficult to forgive if your emotions get hurt but it is more difficult to live with the hurt. I took it easy and thanked myself later on for forgiving myself and people. Again this is a post where I can relate word to word. Thanks once more.
Yes, I agree that forgiveness is self-love and most beautiful. Great post. Thanks!
Truly Inspiring! Thank you so much
I understand and agree with your message about forgiveness. I do have a question, forgiving someone does not mean that you will continue to let them take advantage of you right? For example, if you have broken up with someone who has hurt you, you can forgive them. Do you need to express to them that you have forgiven them? Is it all right, or perhaps enough to know that you have forgiven them, but still have no interaction/communication with that person, especially if you know that this interaction with them might hurt you again in the future? I guess the problem that I have faced is that I have often felt that if I forgive someone, I will not be able to forget them. Anger often makes it easier to forget people and the pain that they have caused you. I actually want to forgive people but still be able to forget them at the same time.
I like the way you talk about foregiving. Do you think someone can forgive another person but acknowledge that their actions are not forgiveable?
"This is the true joy in life, being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. Being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy"
George B Shaw
I have just posted on Dr Chopra comment about the mirror aspect of relationships. This ties in as well. I am having difficulty dealing with people who act immorally and illegally to hurt children and families..those with no voice. I feel and react with rage even though I am not the target. I must confess that interceding for others has put me in the crosshairs. I really don't mind that . I am trying to find a way to deal objectively with evil against innocents.help.
Forgiving is not easy. When I was growing up I was abused mentally, verbally, emotionally and physically by my father. And sexually abused by my uncle. It took time but I can now talk to both of them. We have relationship. Do I trust them? No. But that's ok. You can forgive and not trust.
great post. especially because it coincides with my intent to forgive myself and others. I really appreciate that forgiveness is laid out as a process to go though, that you can't just say i forgive you and it's over. The steps are an important part of learning and healing, so thank you for that at the tips of how to learn to forgive.
I not only hold grudges, but am beggining to develop my grandfather's growling wrinkling, and I'm only 40! I have often said about people, "once they cross my line, I don't care if they fall of the face of the Earth."
And yet I forget, I KNOW I've hurt others , and I can make excuses why I did it. "I didn't know what I was doing… I had no choice…"
I even refuse to pray, because I blame God, use Him as a scape goat for so much of life's disasters. I hope to try to open what is left of my soul/heart/brain, and maybe I won't grind my teeth when I hear the word "God". Thank you for letting me in.