Question for Deepak: I have your two set DVD’s , The Happiness Prescription. I just love them. I use the mantras and when I am all by myself I believe that I love myself. As soon as I am with others I feel the doubt I still allow myself to see me through my projection of what others think and say. Any suggestions on how I might get were I want to be.
I truly believe that if I learn to accept and love myself then I will do the same with others and be better able to accept love in my life.
Thanks for your attention to this matter.
Answer from Deepak: It’s normal to notice a difference between the equanimity and silence of your self when you are alone, and your self when you are in the rough and tumble of interpersonal relationships . When we are interacting with others, our emotions and beliefs are activated. This triggers our old patterns that are in sympathy with those feelings. Instead of bringing present awareness to the situation we may find that we are thinking and acting based on our past conditioning. We may see a former spouse or a parent, and instantly our feelings, self-esteem and self-talk reverts back to that former time and relationship.
The first step toward freedom from the tyranny of past conditioning is exactly what you have stated—a recognition that your self-love diminishes when you are with others. Just being aware that it is occurring helps awaken your silent witness and that presence of pure consciousness is what will eventually overwrite these old thinking patterns. As you notice doubts and self-sabotaging thoughts come up, you don’t need to try to stop them or resist them. Don’t pile additional blame on yourself for going through the same feelings of powerlessness again and again either. This isn’t the past, this is now. If you need to, observe and go into those feelings as well, to break the emotional grip.
Bringing a easy sense of nonjudgmental watchfulness to the situation will correct these pathogenic patterns over time. You don’t need to try to conjure up a sense of self-love in the midst of the situation either. Be neutral and natural and allow the real character of self-love to unfold like the petals of a blooming rose. The Self is your essential nature, you don’t need to do anything for it to express its quality of love except get your old thinking out of the way. When you do, it will naturally shine forth.
Love,
Deepak
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