Stoic philosopher Epictetus was a former Roman slave who wrote a great deal about personal happiness. His primary tenet was to know what you can and cannot control. Those things you can control, you should; those you can’t should be released. “Within our control," he wrote, “are our own opinions, aspirations, desires, and the things that repel us. Outside our control, however, are such things as what kind of body we have, whether we’re born into wealth or strike it rich, how we are regarded by others, and our status in society. We must remember that those things are externals and are therefore not our concern."
I don’t know about you, but I sure try to control all kinds of things–not only in my own life but in other people’s. My desire for control gets out of control particularly when it comes to other people’s feelings–I try to manage so and so’s reaction to a third party, to finesse so and so’s response to something. It’s exhausting–and ultimately useless. But it was a coping mechanism I developed in childhood that is hard to let go of.
Where in your life do you try to control when you should let go? Money? People’s image of you? The circumstances of life? Just notice where you are a control freak and see if you can loosen your grip just a little. Life has a way of being messy and un-nail-downable; people do and feel what they want independently of you. Happiness comes from letting that be.
MJ Ryan
Author of AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For
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