Letters Unsent. My New Intent.

Yesterday I was cleaning my loft as my daughter read in the other room. I came across a letter that I wrote last spring to a woman who is very important to me that for a variety of reasons, she never read. I opened it and as I read it again, I realized that as much as I had agonized over it at the time, it was probably better in the long run that was still in my hands and not hers.

For someone who enjoys communication and conversation, and fancies themselves quite the wordsmith, the thought that something I had crafted, and put so much energy and effort into, was better left unread was quite a shock to me to be honest.  But this letter gave rise to my new Intent, something that my friend Tamsin first turned me onto, the idea that sometimes the most important communication can often be about what you say to yourself, not to the other person.

It’s always better to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, it lets you express your feelings, your thoughts, it helps you clear the air in your own soul that needs clearing but that’s not the same as having to send the letter, or hit send on the email.

The important part is that you get your chance to set your ship right, you get the emotional satisfaction of getting to express what is bothering you, or what your hopes and dreams are. You get to tell the other person how much you miss, need, want, hate, dislike or never want to see them again. You get the craft those words exactly how you want, and make your feelings extremely well known. But what you avoid, especially in a stressful situation, is the reaction from the other side, especially when your email or your letter or your Fedex package arriving at exactly the wrong time.

I am very experienced in this and trust me, even the most basic email, received on the other side of town or the other side of the country at exactly the wrong time can be borderline disastrous. (The woman in question is, I might add, one of the most patient souls I know I might add, and when I have sent the occasional flame throwing email, somehow, it makes her calmer and stronger, which I find remarkable. And deeply annoying at the same time.)

So my intent for the New Year is to always express myself, to be stronger in standing up for myself, to always be heard when I want to be heard. But in doing so, I am going to create a special folder in my Gmail, I think I will call it “Emails Best Unsent.”

Maybe you will join me.

Then the next time you want to scream, yell or express your undying love for that special someone, try this out. Write out the email and leave it in draft. And then the next morning, if you still want to send it, send it. But the last time I did this, the next morning I discovered the reason I hadn’t heard from her was that she had left her phone in a yoga studio. My email would have been waiting for her when she actually then had to get up early the next morning and drive back to the studio, phoneless and annoyed. See what I mean? You might as well let the email gods help you, I think that’s what the Draft folders was actually meant for.

I would have gotten some minor satisfaction of sending the ‘you never call when you say you will email’ and trust me, mine was brilliant. Snarky, snappy, it was going straight to the Email Hall Of Fame, but instead in the long run and in the short run as well, I was much happier learning about the phone miscue with my email tucked safely away in Draft.

Here’s to 2012 and to always communicating well with those important to you.

And remember that sometimes the best communication is the communication you keep to yourself.

PHOTO (cc): Flickr / dampeebe