Two-time survivor and filmmaker Lori Benson shares her advice about making the transition from treatment to the rest of her life.
My last chemo treatment was harder than I imagined. Not because of the drugs I was getting, but because I would be moving on from active treatment into my life as a cancer survivor, just hoping to survive. When you’re actively getting treatment, there’s no time to get anxious about the cancer returning; you figure the chemo is killing any cancer cells that might be floating around. And yes, all the doctors’ visits were a hassle, but it was comforting to be examined so frequently.
As crummy as getting chemo was, I was surprised when a new sort of anxiety set in a few weeks after I finished my last treatment. The "what if?" anxiety hit: What if it recurs? What if I get all those dreaded long-term side effects? What if my daughter has the gene (my biggest obsession)? I started focusing on all the things that were on the back burner while I was in treatment. Now what, I thought? In some ways, the real healing started here.
Now was the time to transition back to "normal" but what was that? To be like my old self? My old self had two breasts. My old self did not live with the fear of dying young from breast cancer. My old self had straight hair before chemo (it grew back super-curly). Normal was looking at my daughter and the beautiful life she has a head of her. Now, often I look at her and wonder if there will be a cure for breast cancer when she’s older. I look at her and ask myself I am doing everything I can to protect her future.
The transition into life after cancer was the transition into accepting that so much of what we think we can control we actually can’t. And one thing is for certain: There is no going back. I can’t rely on the comfort of the old and so I realized I had better make myself stronger because life was definitely not going to get any easier. But I figure if I continue working hard and being honest with myself, I may just get a little wiser.
I am a two-time cancer survivor. I can be proud of that. I’m here. That’s a good start for looking ahead. To quote my boyfriend Tom Paul in a song he wrote, "Hallelujah! I am alive!" I say yes to that. Hallelujah, I am alive.
I say yes to doing my best to accept life’s uncertainty. And wasn’t that the Eureka moment I claimed for myself at the start of this journey — that it’s ultimately a positive thing to come face to face with the only other absolute thing that will happen in life? Maybe I was just kidding myself, because I’m still scared. But I do know that NOW is the time to appreciate this precious time we have on earth. Now. Because there is no other time. It’s the simple moments that must be appreciated, the everyday moments. I get that. I know that. I will remind myself of this and take the advice I am offering here for myself on the days I need a reminder (which is probably every day).
So honor your journey, remember how far you’ve come and honor yourself for being so brave. Acknowledge the strength and the hard work it took to get where you are now. You toughed it out, made it through the surgeries, got to the end of treatment and hair loss and are on the other side. And here you are. Intact. A whole person. Congratulations.
Here are a few other things that have helped me transition from patient to thriving survivor:
- Remember that every little ache and pain is not cancer.
- Take one day – and one moment – at a time. Be in the moment and remember that the highs and the lows are a part of life. On a low day try to find a way to see the beauty in one thing and focus on that as long as you can.
- Smile. I just read that research has found that smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood for the better. It just feels good to smile, too, so do it often!
- Giving is receiving. You’ve been through it all and you have no idea how much someone just starting out would love to hear from you and receive your knowledge and wisdom. It feels so great to share the experience, knowing I am helping someone; I think it actually helps me heal. I recommend reaching out. You will receive in gratitude and good feeling more than you can imagine. Your story could be thing that helps someone else get through their cancer journey.
I have discovered in my own life, that there is so much comfort in letting people in and being reminded that I am not alone. Sharing my experience has helped me heal enormously and I am grateful for those who have offered me blessings for good health and who have shared their stories with me as well.
I think the most powerful part of sharing stories has been in having the conversation about the more universal truth in life: That, cancer or no cancer, we all must live with uncertainty and accept the discomfort of not knowing what lies ahead, and that we cannot control the inevitable.
The key, I guess, for those of us living with a cancer diagnosis, for those of us who live closer to the discomfort of the unknown (as we get our constant check-ups and blood work and panic over every little ache), is to learn to embrace life more fiercely, and if possible, consider the gift of consciousness that cancer has brought us, as an opportunity to live a more fully realized life.
I would like to close by offering a blessing to all of you who came to read and share your own heartfelt stories. With intention and love, I want to share a sweet, simple line in a song my daughter Talula just wrote: "Life is beautiful, life is beautiful, every day, I choose my way, life is beautiful."
Lori Benson is the director of "Dear Talula," a documentary chronicling her experience with breast cancer Since her film aired on HBO in October 2007, Lori continues traveling the country sharing her story. To learn more about Lori and Dear Talula visit www.deartalula.com
Visit Breast Cancer: Healing the Whole Woman to read all of our breast cancer content.
Dear Lori: May God continue to bless others and impart hope to them through your loving example and support. Talula is a wonderful teacher. Peace, Greg
"… to learn to embrace life more fiercely, and if possible, consider the gift of consciousness that cancer has brought us, as an opportunity to live a more fully realized life."
This is the bottom line, I think, of the lot of life's painful and challenging circumstances we experience. But we don't really think like that, do we? We tend to blame, play the victim, or believe things should be different than how they are right now.
It takes courage to adopt the mindset of using illness and disease as an opportunity to live a more realized life, and it's rare you meet people who genuinely have.
Thank you Lori for utterly human article and your living testimony!
–Christopher Lowman
movingtowardspeace.com
Dear Lori,
I am a Cancer Patient Advocate for the "Biological Cancer Treatments" that work with a persons Immune System to heal their cancer. I work with a patient & their doctor to inform them of these current specialized clinical trials, from our biopharmaceutical industry. You are aware of the Monoclonal antibody programs, but you may be surprized at the advances in the "Virotherapy" programs, such as the Rexin-G clinical trial for Breast Cancer. NCT00505271 on "http://clinicaltrials.gov"
The animations are worth watching;
http://www.hybridmedicalanimation.com/anim_rexg3….. http://www.hybridmedicalanimation.com/anim_rexg2….. http://www.oncolyticsbiotech.com/tech.html
Clinical Trial #NCT00505271 on clinicaltrials.gov
My website is;
http://www.kissyourcancergoodbye.com/
Sincerely,
Benjamin Holston
Dear Lori,
I am writing a book on cancer treatments to show others their very best options. My website is; http://www.kissyourcancergoodbye.com/
The conventional programs only supress the cancer, because they are using a "systemic poision" approach, which does not kill all of the cancer cells, such as the Hypoxic Cancer cells. There are incredible programs in Clinical Trials that do "target" the cancer cells & only the cancer cells, no matter where they have mestasitized to, without the horrible side effects of the "chemo" programs. When you have mestastic cancer, you are dealing with trillions of released cells that have spread throughout your body. It reoccurs over & over again with conventional treatments & you sacrifice your quality of life to only supress the cancer. "Targeted Biological Therapies" work with your immune system, instead of against it & these new treatments are usually free in the medical schools. The "biotechs" are the competition to the "big pharma" & the biotechs have the answers to solve cancers.
The best program in the long term is to train your immune system to recognize your cancer & that is being done in several clinical trials, such as the NCT00706615 trial, which can be found on "clinicaltrials.gov". To see a good list of the trials type in "breast biological" & it will give you a list to review. You then print the ones that you want off & take them to your doctor, so he can review them & help.
Ben
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I'm a three year thyroid cancer survivor. I was diagnosed with a kind that only 1% of the population get. Every step of the way I was consistently told "well 90% of throat lumps are not cancer". It's cancer. "Well based on you it's probably this not so bad type". It wasn't that type. It's a type they don't really have great records on positively or negatively. Even the best doctors don't know everything. Numbers, percentages are just that points on a grid, they aren't who you are. In short, you can get hit by a bus tomorrow. There are plenty of other bad things that can happen OTHER then cancer. I just got my first step back spacing out check ups and have been dealing with the "What now" side of things.. But like most things . it's not that hard. One step in front of the other.. I live.