It’s been almost 2 months since I last logged on the website…
Those were very hectic and challenging months, and I did good at every challenge I faced. I am ever so grateful.
Something strange happened though, might not be as strange as I think it is, but I was surprised. I did lose my balance!
After winning each challenge I was left with so much sadness and loneliness… I had to be in contact with lot of people during those months, unlike my daily routine where I spend most of the day at home… I was not sure at the end of those months.. if I was just feeling lonely because I wanted to share my success with someone, and that sucess was somehow meaningless without a partner to share with me my happiness… or was it just me, being really tired and stressed, and in need for a break, a holiday, a treat!?
I only know that I lost so much of my mental strength and focus, I was left with lots of emotions that it made me lose my balance once again. I was waking up to the bitterness I used to feel when I was an emotional constantly in love teenager. I had the grieves that I had when I lost father. I was feeling the bruises I had when I knew about my ex’s affairs, I was back to my childhood… crying my mom for leaving her on my first school days..
I started having dreams, the so alive detailed dreams, of my anonymous lover, of my baby boy who I never had, of green fields, of my mom’s… I was spending time imagining her, the sound of her foot steps around the house… I miss the smell of her cigarettes… I miss her I miss father I miss me…
I even wrote a poem, first one in almost 10 years.. it was a sad poem…
I was vulnerable…
I cried…
a lot!
Today I am here… I want to help myself, like I always do…
today I believe, like I always did, that I am meant to be, to do, to give and to live…
I want to shine, for myself, for my daughter, for my loved ones and for people who I am meant to touch their life.
Today I am feeling alive again, my emotions are replaced with feelings, all I want to do.. is love and love again and again..
I want to relax, let go, and live out the love I have always felt within, love for life, for nature, for people, for children, for the good in each and every one… for every smile that comes from a sad face…
Today I am here, I am back to intent.com I intend to be my best me, plan, create, work hard, achieve, celebrate, move forward, and grow.
Today I intend to live, to love… and most of all to allow myself to be loved…
Today I am here
My Intent is… to love again.
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