In Love With a Married Man

By on September 15, 2010 in Relationships

Question:

My best friend is involved with a married man.  I see how much she tries to leave him and cut the relationship but she can’t do it.  She really deserves a complete and great love.  She is very kind, loving, generous and a great woman.  But she happened to fall in love with a married man.   She started meditating one month ago and sometimes we do that together very early in the morning.  I am her best friend and I am also confused and feel guilty because I can’t give to her correct advices.  Is she really doing something bad because she is with a married guy?  Or love is written in different ways?  Maybe this love is not incorrect or maybe it is completely incorrect.  What do you think about this from a high level point of view?  We both have been raised on very traditional families where dating a married man is extremely incorrect.  Is this really incorrect?  With him she has lived things that she has never experienced before and she is scared that she will not feel them with anyone else again.  I told her that she is in another level so she will attract better guys into her life because she has also grown.

Please give us your point of view.

 

Answer:

I don’t approach these situations trying to determine whether they are morally correct or incorrect. For that you have your social upbringing. What is important in my mind is whether the individuals are moving toward a conscious honest loving relationship.  I assume when you say he is married that also means he  has communicated with his words or actions that he intends to remain married with his wife.  It’s hard to imagine that could be a satisfying or honest relationship for your friend, but that is what she must determine for herself.

Your role is not to give her advice on what is  the correct thing to do. Just listen, love and support her and help her clarify whatever her life direction is at this point, and don’t prejudge that. And her job is not to look for a rationalization for what she wants to do to assuage her guilt. She needs to dig down deep and figure out what kind of a loving relationship she wants and then find the courage to act on that self-knowledge.

Love,

Deepak

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About Deepak Chopra

Time Magazine heralded Deepak Chopra as one of the 100 heroes and icons of the century, and credited him as "the poet-prophet of alternative medicine." Entertainment Weekly described Deepak Chopra as "Hollywood's man of the moment, one of publishing's best-selling and most prolific self-help authors." He is the author of more than 50 books and more than 100 audio, video and CD-Rom titles. He has been published on every continent and in dozens of languages. Fifteen of his books have landed on the New York Times Best-seller list. Toastmaster International recognized him as one of the top five outstanding speakers in the world. Through his over two decades of work since leaving his medical practice, Deepak continues to revolutionize common wisdom about the crucial connection between body, mind, spirit, and healing. His mission of "bridging the technological miracles of the west with the wisdom of the east" remains his thrust and provides the basis for his recognition as one of India's historically greatest ambassadors to the west. Chopra has been a keynote speaker at several academic institutions including Harvard Medical School, Harvard Business School, Harvard Divinity School, Kellogg School of Management, Stanford Business School and Wharton.His latest book is "Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul."
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