For pioneering fathering author Will Glennon, a dad’s biggest challenge isn’t mastering the “proper” way to change a diaper or teach your kid to read. The biggest challenge is to set aside obsolete attitudes about a father’s role and to begin fathering from our hearts. That means becoming conversant in the sometimes foreign language of emotion.
"Communicating our love to our children and acknowledging their importance in our life is an undertaking of enormous significance, for our children, for our own well-being, and for generations of fathers yet to come. Historically and socially, we are conditioned to be able to put aside our feelings in order to fight. Now the purpose for which we must fight is to become fully engaged with our feelings in order to reinstate ourselves in our proper place in our children’s lives. The effort requires courage and determination, for this is new territory, an area in which we will no doubt make mistakes." (The Collected Wisdom of Fathers, p. 57)
Part of fathering is teaching our children important tasks. But the heart of fathering is nurturing the psychological, emotional, and spiritual connection between us and our kids.
As we attempt to father well, we make mistakes, some of which will seem pretty dumb. Let’s face it, a few of them actually will be dumb. But we can’t let our mistakes stop us, any more than your infant will let her “mistake” of falling down keep her from learning to walk.
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It is very hard to be a father, let alone a good one, when after divorce your former spouse makes it her life's project to sabotage any possibility of a "normal" relationship between her son and his father. I have observed this close up, unfortunately, twice. By time the son was grown, the relationship was either cold and distant, or non existent. And not because of lack of effort or interest on both the fathers' side.
There should be a law against active efforts to alienate your child from his or her father. And heavens forbid these fathers make just one mistake. The two mothers I know made sure the mistake was never forgiven nor forgotten.
Just my observations. Very sad.