Danielle Laporte: Opening Ourselves Up to the Topic of Sex

urlI’ve been observing a quickening of sorts. The people around me are waking up. Breakthroughs are happening, Commitments are deepening. Maybe it’s because I’ve meant some stellar individuals, but something sparkly and hot is in the air. And it’s pretty sexy. But I happen to find consciousness super sexy. And the more I feel my own essence rising, the sexier life seems.sex

But I’ve noticed that even shiny, sexy, wide-awake people don’t talk that much about sex. The general conversation starts and stops with whether you’re getting it or not. “It’s good.” “We need to make more time for it.” “Haven’t gotten around to it.”

If sex conversation is relegated to the cultural fringe, it’s likely reflecting where it lies on our personal list of priorities. And you don’t have to have a partner to have a sex life, BTW. Just ask Mama Gena who makes it, uh, pointedly clear that the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings of it’s very own.

You can be sure that your sex life is a microcosm of the macrosm of your entire life. Deep but quiet. Repressed. Rigorous. Loving but slightly aggressive. Playful and sweet. Dutiful. Whatever is going down in the sack is going ‘round in your life as a greater theme. So maybe we should talk about it more. At least to ourselves.


For the sake of shaking up mindsets, what if you gave your sexual well being the same weighty importance that we tend to give the other day-to-day stuff?:

What if we treated our sex lives with the same importance as our diet? Imagine counting orgasms like you counted calories. What if there was the same urgency to get funky with your lover or yourself as there was to get to yoga or spinning class?

What if we put as much effort into cultivating our sexuality as we did our intellect? Imagine a D-I-Y erotica degree based on the awareness of energy and breath and physiology and bliss. Where would you begin to look for knowledge? What would it take to earn and A++?

What if we talked about our sex lives like we talked about, say, our health, or our satisfaction with work? I’m not suggesting that you should chat up your hot night with Larry and Lucy at the water cooler. Because, yeah, sex is sacred, absolutely, positively, precious and typically private. BUT…what if, with the friend you trusted most, you let the conversation go deeper into the sensual part of your life. And you explored questions like, How do you feel in bed? What does womanly or manly really mean to you? Top, bottom, bunny, adventurer, priestess, kink-meister or athlete, what’s next in terms of being more fully you?

Don’t tell just anyone. But dare to tell yourself. The answer may have you grinning for days.


  1. One issue is that talking to the opposite sex about sex invariably brings up the expectation that one wants sex with that person. That kind of limits discussion of necessity to close friends (unless of course one doesn't mind the idea) rather than being a taboo per se. People don't really talk much about going to the toilet either but that doesn't make it any less important. And too, perhaps sex really isn't as important as many make it out to be.