Just some thoughts, from the heart…
Music lost its Soul. Dance lost its Rhythm
16 years ago on May 9th, 1993 my heart broke for the very first time. My dad passed away. At a young age, I along with my 2 sisters were forced to grow up early, and to take on responsibility for one another, as well as to be strong for our mom, who had lost her love. With that, many dreams were crushed. Dreams of my dad teaching me to ride a bike were put to an end, or teaching me how to drive a car. I’ll miss the random afternoon trips with my dad running his errands, being up late, him telling me stories, cooking for me.. I would miss the opportunity of having him present at my elementary graduation, as well as high school graduation. I’d miss having him questions me about boys intentions, friends or speculation of boyfriends. I’d miss him getting mad at me, and scaring me about the boogie man if I didn’t get to bed. I’ll miss my father on my wedding day, when he’s to give me away. This heart still shattered to pieces, and missing you dearly.
I’ll be the first to admit, that a huge part of me hasn’t moved forward from that day. A part of my heart is still broken and trying to heal. Since then I’ve been faced with the loss of other family members, friends and friends’ family. I caught myself at the death of my grandma, still mourning the loss of my dad, rather than my grandma (we were never close). This carried on through the loss of cousins, friends and friend’s grandmothers, etc.
Just as I felt as though I was learning to pick up the pieces and to put them back together, I was devastated with tragic news nearly two months ago. I was dropping my sister off to her friend’s house; she was going to get her friend ready for one of her pre-wedding events. It was June 25th, she received a txt and read it out loud to me, " Michael Jackson is dead" and I insistently kept repeating that it had to be a rumour, that there was no way this could be true. I tried to fight tears welled up in my eyes; saying "who kills Michael Jackson?, that’s so uncool!! This has to be fake, he cant die, he’s MICHAEL JACKSON!, Michael Jackson!!!!!!!". June 25, 2009, my heart broke for the second time. I felt like and still feel like it’s a really bad dream. The half hour drive home, balling, with tears streaming down my face, with the radio on, listening for updates, on how it could just be a bad prank, or fake, hoping it’ll be a lie. I managed to get myself together before walking into the house, but as my mom came out of the room, I broke down again. I needed her to hold me, just like she did all those years ago. Once again I had to learn to deal with dreams that were not going to happen. Dreams that I’ve had ever since I can remember. The dream to meet MY Hero, Michael Jackson. I had it all planned out in my head, I’d meet him even it was for just a second, to tell him that I loved him, that’s all I wanted. To tell him that I loved him, for him to know that he was my hero, and that I loved him.
I look back and remember watching my Michael Jackson VHS tapes, trying to learn to dance, and spin, till I’d get dizzy. I remember trying to learn to sing, I remember playing my thriller, and bad records. Dangerous was the first cassette I ever bought, with my allowance! Both of my sisters are outgoing individuals, big personalities and all. Though we’ve all grown up performing at Cultural events, since the age of 4 till now (25), so 21 years, I was the shy one who needed that extra push. I remember back to grade 5, we were doing "air bands". I was asked by my teacher to perform since my older sister’s group were the big winners the year before. After initial hesitation, I finally gave in and agreed. My first, Last and ONLY Solo Performance everrrrrrr! I busted out my white t-shirt, black pants that were a bit short on me; my black and red leather thriller styles jacked, and wore a white glove (I didn’t have silver) with black shoes. I did black or white, and for years to come — till my final year at that school, I was known as the girl who danced to Michael Jackson. Memories I will cherish forever.
June 25th 2009, will never be just a day, June 25th, 2009 will always be the day that Music lost its Soul. The day that Dance lost its Rhythm, and the day that the Human Race lost of the Greatest Humanitarians it will ever know.
At this time, I’d like to Thank Michael’s Parents for bringing into this world, One of the most incredible people that’s ever lived. I am honoured that I was alive in his Lifetime, and witnessed all the Good he did and brought to this world… To his family and friends, my thoughts and prayers are with you. To his Beautiful Angelic Children, your father was an amazing human being, who loved you more than ever possible.
To Michael, Thank you for all the wonderful memories you’ve bestowed upon us. To all you have taught us. To the pure, sincere, genuine and unconditional love you gave. Thank you… We’ll never let you part, for you’re always in our hearts.
RIP The King of Pop, The greatest performer that’s ever lived… A Son, Brother, Father, Friend and an Inspiration, The Legend Mr. Michael Jackson.
Open your heart, always Dream & Love freely,
Priya,
Oh! this was an awesome read…i cried
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on Michael. I feel the same about him. An angel on earth, that's what he was. His energy was incredible..I had a chance to see him live in concert and the moment he appeared, it was magical..i could not stop crying, singing,dancing it was UNREAL. Now, whenever I hear his voice my heart aches.
xoxo
Priya,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I find myself still bursting into tears and sobbing over such an enormous loss to this planet. In fact, I've been having trouble sleeping since Music died, June 25 2009. Only 3 hours a night every night since then.
I remember teaching my cousins and friends how to Moonwalk back in the day. I was in Junior high school then. It's so nice to see he touched so many generations of people in the 50 years he lived. Just think how MANY people he affected positively in nearly half a century! Not many people can boast about that. And the irony is that MJ would not have boasted, but kept sending messages to heal the world and help humanity.
Michael was definitely his name "Gift from God" sent as an Earth Angel to do His work.
I look forward to the day the physical ache in my heart turns into bliss for his ascension.
Namaste' / Shabbat Shalom,
Heather Mehudar
"There are no accidents, coincidences or mistakes."
I have to disagree with the first paragraph. Part of this life as a human being is to experience the full gamut of emotions. I find when people bottle any emotion inside, instead of healthy expression (release), it leads to imbalance which leads to dis-ease of some kind. MJ is the perfect example of how terribly wrong that can go. This is just part of the grieving process for me. This too shall pass.
I am very empathic, so I am also picking up on all the sadness people all over the world are feeling. I've never felt such immense pain and sadness in my life, but that's also probably because nothing of this magnitude has happened in my life. Well, maybe Princess Diana, but it did not hit me THIS hard. I was in a different place of 'knowing' back then.
A large reason for my lack of sleep, is that spirits have been contacting me with messages which had interrupted or prevented sleep. Nothing like having a light turn on or your bed move to abruptly wake you. Ya know? Activities usually stir when people pass over, but MJ's passing has intensified the amount & strength of communition coming through to me. Since I have been addressing the messages and passing them on to those intended, I've been able to get more sleep this last week.
Your second paragraph is completely on the bull's-eye! You are so correct in that he IS having the biggest comeback of all time (still breaking records). And he's doing exactly what he intended to achieve, just in a slightly different manner. But then again, I've always wondered how clairvoyant he was. When he said "This is it. This is the final curtain call." there is a part of me that thinks he may have known (on some level) that he wouldn't live past these shows.
Heather Mehudar
"There are no accidents, coincidences or mistakes."
Kimichiko,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and sharing your thoughts on him. He was One of a kind, he really was an Angel in the form of a human.
Open your heart, always Dream & Love freely,
Dr. Rev. Heather Mehudar,
You know I felt the same way that you did/do but then I realized something. We all must learn to let go, it's alright to miss him and his presence, but by us crying, well that would just hurt him.
A lot of people say Michael "was" going to make his great come back, as far as im concerned He did just that! Even in death he's managed to make his great (let me try this again) GREAT! come back! Theres a bunch of kids ive seen at weddings who've just been introduced to his music since his passing, and let me tell you, these kids have been tearing the dance floors up! His music, Spirit, and Soul live on! The only thing gone is the physical exterior, Michael is in all our hearts… he's put a lot of himself in all his work, it was his gifts for us; his fans…
Hopefully the physical ache in yer heart will subside, and you too can find peace in knowing He's alright now, and he's in a place where he is safe from harm and pain.
Hope that helps!
Take Care and have a great day!
Open your heart, always Dream & Love freely,
hey i just posted a reply but i did it as a comment by accident! anyway jsut to let ya know, and thanks for sharing yer thoughts
Open your heart, always Dream & Love freely,
I think there may be some miscommunication…When i said that "We all must learn to let go, it's alright to miss him and his presence, but by us crying, well that would just hurt him. " I did not say that one should hold in their emotions, express yerself but learning to let go is also an important part of life.
I feel it is described best as here, "As you begin to master the art of letting go, with patience, dedication, and love, your reality will change." – Deepak Chopra
I also misunderstood yer lack of sleep issue as a part of yer grieving process, as you just mentioned the spirits now.
have a good day all!
Open your heart, always Dream & Love freely,