Did you know that the semantics of the word “interest” have to do with inter-existence (“inter” – between, “est” – to be)? The nineteenth century philosopher and theologian Soren Kierkegaard noted that the word “inter-est” “expresses the fact that we are so intimately involved in the objective world that we cannot be content to regard truth objectively, i.e. disinterestedly” (1).
While Kierkegaard here seemed to be concerned with the notions of truth and objectivity, this quotation (I stumbled upon in Rollo May’s “Meaning of Anxiety”), prompted a realization that being mindfully interested in each other is nothing less than meeting in between. Mindful presence is a co-existence in the space of shared subjectivity, without the usual preoccupations with the truth…
“Pure objectivity is an illusion,” Kierkegaard held (2). So, the psychology of inter-existence, it seems, begins with the stripping down of our illusions about the existence of the absolute truth and proceeds with showing respectful interest in each other’s subjectivity.
The practice of mindfulness – in its psychologically Buddhist sense – has been described as a kind of detachment, dis-identification, i.e. dis-interest from one’s own thoughts, which, as Snelling points out in his “Buddhist Handbook,” are “not us” (3).
Notice Snelling’s italics: our thougths are "not us." This Buddhist proposition that we are not our thoughts would imply that any real communication beetwen us (and not between our respective fleeting states of mind) would have to be non-verbal…
So, then, it would seem that in order for us to show inter-est in others’ thoughts, for us to inter-exist, we need to lose interest in our own thoughts. To co-exist, it seems, we need to never mind our own minds. With no thoughts to stand in the way of understanding, there is nothing between us, there are no gaps of misunderstanding to bridge…
Pavel G. Somov, Ph.D. , author of "Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time" (New Harbinger, 2008)
Copyright, 2009
References:
1. W. Lowrie, 1944, p. 172, my italics.
2. R. May, 1979, p. 31
3. J. Snelling, 1991, p. 55, Snelling’s italics
I have really appreciated the blogs I have read by you – not only the content, but the way you say it. I love intent.com – so many inspiring blogs by a lot of cool people. I'd love to one day get a PhD. anyway… thank you.
Phillip Bednarz
Phillip, thanks a ton for your enthusiastic response. Wish you well in your pursuits!
Pavel Somov, Ph.D., licensed psychologist, author of "Eating the Moment: 141 Mindful Practices to Overcome Overeating One Meal at a Time" (New Harbinger, 2008) http://www.eatingthemoment.com