The New Couple: Six Key Principles

By on October 13, 2009 in Balance, Relationships

A few weeks ago,  I set out on a boat trip down the Colorado River. My oarsman was Dee Crouch,MD, who is also co-owner of Boulder Boat Works. Dee calls the Colorado his "home" river, and has boated down it more than 100 times.

On the river, we talked philosophy and Indian lore. And, I asked about rattlesnakes and scorpions and about his new boat

"It’s a driftboat. It’s called the DC-10" he said. "That means it’s gone through 10 upgrades." Not being a river person, I began to think about the 10 upgrades not in terms of boat safety and durability, but in terms of my boat mate.

Is a good man like a good boat? I wondered. On that lazy stretch of river, I was thinking of an article I had recently read in Women Today magazine, by relationship coach Rinatta Paries.
 
Men want honest, timely, loving communication, Paries had written. Drifting downstream, I asked myself: What do women want? To me, women want a man who is easy to turn right side up, if the relationship has temporarily capsized. They want a man to be good humored and upbeat.

Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women, Paries assured her readers. From years of personal experience, I’d say that women want a well-balanced man, who doesn’t carry too much emotional baggage in one compartment of his life.

Men want a manipulation-free relationship. And women? Women want a man who is flexible and follows his curiosity.  A man who takes risks, but doesn’t flirt with danger.

Men want a partner who can laugh at herself, and who has courage and strength. Women want a man who can take hard hits, learn from mistakes, and upgrade continuously. It’s OK if he makes a clown of himself.

Men want fidelity and a commitment to the relationship. Women want a practical man. We want a "what you see is what you get" kind of man. We want no surprises mid-river.

Men want women who know how men need to be treated. Women want this too. Women want men who can help keep them afloat. They also want to co-create the journey, and share in the rowing.

Yes, on Day 3, I got to row the DC-10. And the weather was a perfect 10 too.

About Alexia Parks

For more than 30 years, my writing and work has had a focus in the fields of energy, the environment, education, parenting, and communications. Recently, I was given the distinction of being the first accredited blogger at the UN Conference on Climate Change, in Bali. Author of seven books, my latest includes RAPID Evolution, a training manual for accelerated evolution. It is solution oriented: as we self-heal, we heal the world around us..

In my career, I have been a nationally syndicated columnist, New York City magazine publisher, and written for the national desk of The Washington Post. I have also served as Director of Communications for a trade association representing 100 major metropolitan daily newspapers. In 1995, I co-founded Votelink.com – the first electronic democracy website on the Internet - and continue as its president today. At its launch, Newsweek magazine called me “one of 50 people who matter most on the Net.”

You can find my books linked from http://www.rapidevolution.org/ or Amazon.

I live and work at Votelink.com

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3 Responses to The New Couple: Six Key Principles

  1. roe danse your perso October 13, 2009 at 6:15 pm #

    hi alexia!

    what a creative and wonderful way to present these very interesting inter-genderal exchanges!

    thank you!

    here are the roe 6 of the day!

    first

    be in love! love love love!

    second-

    he and she want to know in their deepest hearts that the boat is unsinkable- and that no matter what- and they repeat to each other- no matter what- we will be there for each other- we will not quit each other- we will not give up on each other- we will rescue each other despite our prides and injuries- NO MATTER WHAT!- our love is not temporal- now we have DEVOTED SAFETY-

    third-

    transparency-

    it is our hope that we will reveal to each other in time our deepest hearts- and our deepest fears- and our deepest secrets- and exchange our language of love- visible like the beautiful garments we where on the outside- our love is not superficial- now we have TRANSPARENT HONESTY-

    fourth-

    we stand tall for each other- we apply and maintain one and only one standard for each other- that of devotion to loving another whole self in all if its lightness and darkness- we do not waiver or question- only one central standard- that of deep respect of our love and mate- she is our madonna and our whore- he is our gentleman and our asshole- and we vow never to double cross each other- our love is not conditional- now we have UNWAIVERING ACCEPTANCE-

    fifth-

    our love is a growing beautiful toxic redeeming putrid orchid- we are in love- we are in flux- we are in symbiosis- we grow and change- we stagnate and blame- we make love- we f*ck- we are divine and we are diabolic- we are human and it is ecstatically infuriating- we do our best- and we do it together- and we never give up in enamoring each other and pleasing each other- or pointing the finger at each other and loathing the day we ever dared to be so happy- not one second ever stands still- and every moment is a welcome yet sometimes resentful challenge to be together what would never be possible alone- alive- and in love- now we have constant organic passionate living with each other!- now we have NEVER ENDING EFFORT!

    and number 6- the most difficult of all-

    repeat and repeat and repeat one through five until you are so crazy for each other that you are in love like the early days of your romance- until of course when you circle back through the fertile ground of everyday love-

    IN LOVE IN LOVE IN LOVE

    DEVOTED SAFETY

    TRANSPARENT HONESTY

    UNWAIVERING ACCEPTANCE

    NEVER ENDING EFFORT

    AND REPEAT!

    then go have a hot tottie- make love- sleep good- and start the miserable new ecstatic day-

    i can't wait!

    how about you everyone?

    love roe

    http://www.dear

  2. Alexia Parks October 13, 2009 at 6:40 pm #

    Dear Roe the Muse,

    Unbelievably delicious writing. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it. Especially #6.

    Gratefully, and in awe….

    Alexia

  3. roe danse your perso October 13, 2009 at 11:33 pm #

    hi allie!

    thanks!

    and ditto for you!

    if we dated i promise the sparks would fly!

    and i also promise that i give great squishy hugs when the smoke clears!-

    i love my beautiful honduran wife nica of 20 years for putting up with me-

    of course she has no choice as i'd chase her to pluto in my underwear and win her back if she ever gave up on me!-

    you're great!

    let's keep in touch!

    love roe

    http://www.dear-roe-the-muse.com